More Marriage Jokes
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right
up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I
would like to buy some cyanide."
The
pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady
replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacists eyes got
big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to
kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license!
They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will
happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady
reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in
bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the
picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell
me you had a prescription."
Not too long ago, there was a woman who wanted to know how her husband would react if she left without telling him where she had gone.
She decided to write him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore. After writing the letter, she put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home.
When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it. After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter.
Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a number.
His wife listened from under the bed as he started chatting to someone. "Hey babe, I'm just changing clothes then will join you," he said. "As for the other fool, it finally dawned on her that I was fooling around on her and left. I was really wrong to have married her; I wish you and me had met earlier. See you soon, honey!"Then he hung up and walked out of the room.
In tears and very upset, she climbed out from under the bed and stumbled over to read what her unfaithful husband had written on the end of her letter. Through teary eyes, she read: "I could see your feet you idiot, I am going out to buy bread."
The 6:06 commuter train was quite late in leaving for its suburban destination, and Hank and Mack were enjoying their wait in the station bar. They had, in fact, been drinking long enough to have reached the stage of semi maudlin confession about their sex lives. "You know," Hank said, "I never slept with my wife at all before we were married. Did you?" Mack searched his thoughts with what was, under the circumstances, admirable reflection. "Gee," he finally said, "I dunno. What's her maiden name?
"So," Jane asked the detective she had hired. "Did you trail my
husband?"
"Yes ma'am. I did. I followed him to a bar, to an
out-of-the-way restaurant and then to an apartment."
A big
smile crossed Jane's face. "Aha! I've got him!" she said gloating.
"Is there any doubt what he was doing?"
"No ma'am." replied
the sleuth, "It's pretty clear that he was following you."
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