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Never blame someone else for the road you're on, that's your own asphalt.

Dad humor at its finest. Love it.

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When l was young, l was poor. But after years of hard, honest and painstaking work, l'm no longer young.

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It only takes one slow-walking person in the grocery store to destroy the illusion that I'm a nice person.

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I woke up this morning determined to drink less, eat right and exercise. But that was four hours ago when I was younger and full of Hope

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I sent out a text to my friends saying, Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it? 12 people called me. I need smarter friends.

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I sent out a text to my friends saying, Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it? 12 people called me. I need smarter friends.
Bwahahaha XD

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My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records, then the Librarian told me to leave before she called Security.

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Anybody have an owner's manual for a wife? Mine's making a whining sounds.

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Anybody have an owner's manual for a wife? Mine's making a whining sounds.

Maybe this will help if you can get a copy of it.

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Anybody have an owner's manual for a wife? Mine's making a whining sounds.

Maybe it's time for a trade-in?

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