Accepting your Sexuality
At what age did you accept you were bisexual or gay?
I have noticed that a significant number of older men (married or not) identify as bisexual. I was curious about your journey of self-discovery that helped you reach that epiphany.
For me, I enjoyed getting naked with my neighbor friend in his tree house. This progressed to self-exploration and then to exploring each other. I enjoyed it immensely, and it all became very addicting. The sad part was, once I went home to my conservative catholic family a sense of guilt and shame settled in as enjoying sex with another male was more taboo than premarital sex with a female. I enjoyed my share of straight sex in high school, college, and through 3 marriages. All the while I would drift back to satisfying encounters with men, with the guilt and shame creeping back when returning home.
Around 40, I got sick and tired of being guilty about enjoying sex with men and accepted bisexual and the guilt and shame drifted away. With age, my desire for a man's touch over a woman's has increased to the point that I am definitely on the gay side of bi. A man understands a man's sexual wants, needs, and desires in a way a woman cannot. Men seem to need a different type of physical relationship than that desired by women. I love my wife intensely but have no desire for her, or women in general, sexually. So at 65, I am essentially gay. And,I am OK with that.
What about you
Your story reminded me of mine in a way. Although I have never been married. I can certainly relate to the guilt and remorse part. Over the years i guess I slowly accepted that I did have some same sex attraction. i have gone from complete denial ( most of my adult life ) to curious, bi curious, to questioning, to bi. I feel much the same way, i would describe myself as almost gay too.
Thanks for sharing your story, its nice to hear that there is more of us in the same boat. I am also married and have consider myself as bisexual since I was seduced of a man in my 40. Today I am 64 and feel that I am more gay than straight.
I have been honest with my wife about my bi-side and she have support me, with a little anxiousness that I should become totally gay in the end. I noticed that after I have past 60 I love to look at other mens in my own age, and find them very sexy. Anyhow I love my wife so I dont live out my wanting of sex with mens for the time being, even if that have became stronger the last years. Thanks again for bringing up the tema for a interesting dialog/chat here. Have a nice day all of you.
I'm gay, but have several "older" male friends who say they have been bi-curious for many years. When I ask them why they never pursued their interests, their answers are similar: Happily married and don't want to "cheat" on my wife, Don't really feel affectionate towards men, Afraid I might get caught. Don't even know how I would meet another man who would be willing... I've offered many of them a private, very discreet place to explore their bisexual interests with absolutely NO STRINGS ATTACHED. I basically "offer" them my body to do whatever they want with, or have me do to them. It can be anything from simply touching each other's dicks and masturbating to giving, or receiving, oral and anal sex. They can come for a couple hours or spend the night if they want a longer, more intimate experience. I've recently hosted a long time friend who wanted to try "almost everything" (he didn't want me to fuck him, but was interested in anal play). After a few meetings, including spending the night in bed with me, he said he realized he wasn't into having a serious relationship with a guy. The intimacy and affection by sleeping with me just didn't "do it" for him. He did say he very much enjoyed how I sucked him. While his wife had "tried", she couldn't bring him to intense orgasms by simply using her mouth, and tongue, like I did. He also said fucking me was unlike anything he had ever experienced, and better than he imagined. We've been nudist friends for many years and he's always enjoyed coming over and hanging nude and having a couple beers. I told him he is still welcome to come hang out and if he wants to do more, I'm always available.
I enjoyed this thread. Twenty years ago I began visiting naturist places on my own after the end of my marriage. Men would hit on me and I'd let tham wank me. I liked being treated as a sex object. I had no desire for emotional connection. It was just a matter of physical relief. I'd continue to pursue women and enjoyed several affairs. About ten years ago I began to want more. Around the same time I developed an interest in BDSM . I met a skilled master who awakened my urge to submit to a man. At last I felt able to open my body to a man. I felt more not less of a man - more fully sexual. For the last four or five years all of my sexual encounters have been with men. I'm still attracted by women but not by the kind of women who fancy me.
I must gave been 14 when I realised I found some of my friends attractive in a sexual way and I was able to indulge that attraction with a couple of them at the time, quite apart from admiration of others in the changing rooms. I did hate that I thought I was gay, but I then realised I simply didn't have the same opportunities with girls as I was at an all boys school. I had a 'girlfriend' before going to that school, and we had enjoyed some naked time together, but she had moved away before I was 11. I sometimes wonder if it was the all boys school at that critical age that caused this, or whether I would have developed the same anywhere.
It was only when I joined a Guibert & Sullivan society with women and girls in the cast that I realised I was attracted to them in the same way, although I had managed to get hold of some 'girly mags' before then and enjoyed them, so it wasn't a surprise. So I decided that I must be bisexual, although that wasn't a term much used back then. Amongst those magazines had been the infamous H&E Naturist magazine and that also showed me that others also enjoyed being naked outside and one issue told me where to find a nude beach.
At that nude beach I met a f amily with a lad only a little younger than me and I fell in love with him, but my affection was not reciprocated, so we simply remained friends. Some time later that f amily introduced me to a neighbour of theirs who's d aughter caught my eye. 16 months later we were married. We had 3 girls who are now grown up and a good sex life, but my wife never could come to terms with me being bisexual even though I refrained from indulging my bisexuality. Eventually we divorced, so I am now free and available to all! :-)
I was quite young when I knew I wasn't into girls I was 13 use to go to the baths a lot and getting to see all the naked guys and boys there I use to always imagine being with some of them it wasn't until I was 16 when I got my 1st boyfriend I knew then I was gay he taught me a lot of things I was with that guy for 10 years
Putting Humans & especially youth & children, but not excluding ADULTS, into artificial ( usually **govt** ) contrived pigeon holes is a form of psychological & social & emotional torture. Such Words Cannot Define/Limit Us/Who We Are; We contain yet, STILL in 2024, to be defined & Unimaginable Galaxies of Matter & Energy; CONtrived Words [ goy, bi, gay, race, sex, names, creeds, geographical codes, handles, pixels, ink, THIS OR THAT, US v THEM, etc ... like clothes/bodymasks/garb(age) ] are just impotent tiny de minimis boxes, designed to be cages, which ONLY have power IF We Give them power over OurSelves. We are Essentially LOVE which has no such boundaries & Empowers Us with limitless Energy & Potential Once We Embrace & Submit to It. Some folks want to be put into other folks tiny boxes because they reckon that gives them more legitimacy & value ( to others ); it is a sign of low self esteem.
We rely on SEXUALITY to perpertuate the Species ONLY; Out ProCreative Tools/Organs are also made available to Us for JOY to invigorate & sustain Our Lives personally & socially without external interferences or indictments. Some folks cannot see the beauty & magnificent dynamic vitality & diversity of the Forest by narrowly focussing on particular trees.
Many embrace the concept that GOD lives within each of Us, not manmade stone brick mortar and glass constructions, & that Timeless Universal Entity knows of no such limitations; Our physical bodies are simply containers which temporarily disrupt the REALITY that that Universal Entity Unites ALL of Us.
The goal & M.O. of every, georgraphically divided, govt on Earth ( & many bots & real folks on this platform ) & throughout history is to DIVIDE&CONQUER & thus CONTROL its subjects ( by superficial & arbitrary constructs ( economic expressions, by eye hair color or melanin quotients, adopted ways of thinking, handicaps, limits of imagination ). Similarly VAIN elitist constructs such as CLOTHING only perpetuate such NONSENSE. NUDE NAKED NATURAL Bodies defy such inane artificial notions & help Us Unite, attracting Us to OneAnother & EveryBody. Profiteering Corporate Commercials CULT/ures exploit that REALITY by limiting & rationing out Our FREEDOM & Ability to Connect Naturally under strict guidelines via legislation & other psychological codes & weaponry used against Us.
We MUST defy such forces. Its always edifying & heartwarming to see Nudists Embrace Our INALIENABLE #ClothesFREE Liberty & EXERCISE Our codified #1stAmendment Right to DiVest from inane bodymask tyrannies & defy ancient & modern codes & rulers/rules aimed & armed to shame & deamonize & criminalize #TheHumanBody & divide Us.
Our PEACEFUL Revolution will not be televised. It is indeed the only RACE that really matters: The Race to Be Free & Unite.
This is a beautiful, open and honest thread. I've given a lot of thought to the spectrum of sexuality and as I hit 60 I feel more clarity. The spectrum of gender is less clear to me as I evolve. As a college student in the early 80s I became fascinated with the concept of "coming out," and realized I needed to do so. I was less clear on how as much of my personality along with my sexuality were repressed. In this way, gay men were heroes to me, telling me they didn't care what the closet was, just get the hell out!
After my divorce I had about 15 crisis years of single parenting with very limited resources for relationships, and turned to men's work (including Mankind Project) to find myself and my strength. Now I'm clear that prefixed sexuality is a modern invention ("homosexual" became a word in the 1860s) and that sexuality was traditionally defined as behavior rather than identity. Therefore I see sexuality as more circumstantial and evolving than strictly determined at birth, at least for most men finding themselves somewhere in the middle of the spectrum.
For several reasons I've become more "bi" in life defined by my behaviors with no shame. But I prefer to just consider myself a sexual male and leave it at that. If others want to ask me if I wipe my ass with my right or left hand or if I'm a biwiper, it also means more to them than to me.
As I believe that spiritual and sexual energy are one and the same, I've become grateful for my rigid and repressive background as giving me a sprout of sexuality and God to nourish and grow and keep me vital. I once read a good autobiography book with the title "God is the Color of Water," meaning God is clear, moving and takes on the colors of life around God. So to I believe me sexuality is a gift to be accepted, and attached strings don't really apply to water. And it's all good.
An interesting observation, definitely! Your accepting experience sounds like what many people go through. I doubt there was a time when anything other than heterosexuality was entirely acceptable most places, so especially as young people trying to be part of the group and be accepted, many people had to live in a sort of denial afraid of being ostracized if anyone found out the truth. But as one ages, people have a tendency to gradually stop giving a rat's backside what people think, accept whatever strengths and limitations, and a sense of reality sets in. I probably was in my 30s when I just decided I am who I am, life is short, labels are for cans of food, and happiness comes with being truthful to oneself and others. Denial is not healthy whatsoever, trying to avoid reality and the truth. That being said, I don't publicly identify my sexuality.
Who really cares? Besides, I am on the private side. My sexuality is no one's business but my own and my partner's (although I seem to have made it a little of other people's business here!)
Thank goodness our society has evolved somewhat in that more and more women seem to be understanding of bisexuality and men's needs.
It's funny because I really can't categorize myself in any of the alphabet soup of LGBT etc. I used to think, oh, I must be gay, but even though I been sexually attracted to various men over the years, only one guy can I remember was like, "Hell yeah. If he was gay, I'd settle down with him." It was a high school crush, but he had the same mesmerizing effect on me as some girls.
i consider myself as bi-queer the queer comes from my first m on m contact as a pre teen his mom caught us a lot all by his design and she started calling us her queer boys and it stuck with me over the years . the term gay means happy and you know in this confused world many folks aren't gay - happy. same with lbgq alphabet why all the labels. i do think from a young age we are all curious with our bodies and when we see another nude weather m or f it increases our curiosity , in school pe class showering nude with my male classmates to me was a thrill i love being nude and although i didn't act out my queer thoughts i think back and wonder back than who else was as we would push one another into another nude classmate in the shower or wet towel fights . as for girls i remember trading peeks with a few girls in the neighborhood yes tops only but back than Wow . to me females are beautiful - well most and have had my share but men well they are fun , if i had to use the term yes i lean more gay than bi .
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