JO and roommates 2
Hi, you may have noticed that I have deleted the topic. I was upset after receiving the following private message from one nudist. Allow me to copy and paste:
"quote: I'll write a bit more soon. But that episode stuck with me. What do you think happened? I'm not quite sure./endofquote
Oh Seb!! If you really don't understand what is going on then you really ought not to be messing with these men's emotional lives.
If you really don't know what is going on then you are way out of your depth and have no right to be swimming with these guys. You must be utterly oblivious to the potential harm when your partners are investing emotionally in a situation you have no wish, desire or understanding to return in the way they are looking for.
Your continued playing along, but on a different agenda is not fair to these men who are emotionally hooked on you. From a psychological perspective you are displaying actual narcissistic traits. People get hurt by being around narcissists. YOU are/will end up seriously hurting people you claim to care about (and I believe you do care), but you and these men are NOT playing the SAME game anymore.
Stop it now, and release them from your web. No longer a friendly game.
If your claim to not understand is genuine, (if indeed the whole scenario is genuine - this story reeks of a narcissists wet dream - dozens of horny men awaiting your next instalment breathlessly), then you are clueless as to how damaging you will end up being to FB and GB.
If you care about them, stop dragging them along in your confused sexuality masquerading as male bonding.
I have seen this scenario more than once in my counselling practice, and I have seen the devastation left behind when the narcissist decides they are tired of the game or it no longer meets their needs. You have power over these men now, and you are at risk of abusing it. This is where you have ended up. Wake up Seb! Wake up!"
To be honest, I do very much care for each of my flat mates. I try to be loving and affirming, and what goes unseen behind the scenes is the huge amount of support and affection we provide each other. The affection they give me, and the affection I give them. For those who have communicated with me, I hope I come across body positive and affirming, and kind.
I'll leave it there for now. I admit I was nave, and I agree that I should/ could have reacted differently with frat boy. I'll let you comment, I won't delete anymore topics. At the end of the day, the thread is a conversation, not my monologue.
Disappointed - but also concerned about you - please don't be so thrown by one person's view - My view is very different - a group of young men enjoying their bodies and friendship in the journey of life - each of you will take different paths, but for now you're closely knit.
Have really enjoyed living through you scenarios that I would love to have experienced myself. Thank you for being so generous sharing with others.
I respect your decision to delete your thread. It was great while it lasted! Heres what I see happening: you set appropriate boundaries with your anonymous flat mates but were incredibly open and vulnerable with yourself. You shared your kindness, your empathy and authenticity, as well as your confusions and lack of any agenda. Then some random reader labels it all as narcissism while bragging how they have mastered the art of being affirming and you got it all wrong. I dont think anyone could ask Are you okay? or offer a kind Sebastianesque cheek stroke and elicit the same feeling of trust and compassion as you.
I have experience with such therapists in dealing with my son: they are quick to throw around diagnoses and even pharmaceuticals (as self-defined experts on what psychiatrists would prescribe) without an ounce of empathy or flexibility from their narrow silos. They do more harm than good because they use their knowledge as a weapon of superiority rather than a lever for others to see and claim their own gifts to be an even greater blessing in this world. They see a weakness, an uncertainty and go for the jugular by labeling it, rather than encouraging further exploration, light and healing. They are a curse to public mental health. Dont give them an ounce of credibility because its not deserved.
Are you okay? I care about you because youre a good man. You have changed the lives of your flat mates and they will remember you always with fondness. I dont give a damn about any of your sexual orientations, proclivities or other expressions. You are young sexual men and your behavior reflects it in all dynamics. You personally have a big, generous golden heart that you have shared with them and us in your postings. None of that has changed and we move on. Thanks for your postings of the past, present and future and be well, be Sebastian, and its all good.
Hi Seb... I totally echo chrish21s comments.. your experience with your flat mates is great on every level.. life is a learning curve and your all young and youll be coming across most things for the first time so embrace and learn and most importantly enjoy life .. never look back and regret .. there will be somethings you might end up not repeating but youll always learn from them and be more accepting of others.. life is for living.... big hug xx
As typical for me, I find some middle ground here. First ...NONE of us readers (including the mental health counselor who messaged you) really know anything ... other than what you have shared with us about sexual situations among you guys. We are not there to see how personalities mesh, or to see who is confident or looks hurt if they're brushed aside ,or who does most of the cooking , who does the cleaning, or what all they have experienced in their lives that would affect their mental "strength" so we know nothing about how prepared any of you guys are when it comes to emotional challenges. I'm not coming to your defense 100% Seb, like the men that have responded so far have. I do think his response was a bit dramatic and repeating the word narcissist was rather strong. I am sorry that it bothered you to the point you felt you should take the thread down. Even if he is correct, taking down the thread isn't going to change the relationships between you 4 (that he is concerned about) so I'm not sure what taking down the thread accomplished, however... it is your thread so you certainly have the right to do so.
It will probably come as no surprise that I have questioned your story at times . I (and a couple others) have made references to how valid and true this story really is and you have made a point several times, to reply that it IS true. The situations that you have allowed yourself to get into , and then reporting to us how surprised and even annoyed you are about the results of those situations does cast some doubt (in my mind). For instance, allowing sexual events ( or male bonding... whatever anyone wants to call it) to occur in your bed, and then being shocked or annoyed about how they play out.... But yet... a few nights later they're back in your bed and another event occurs that catches you off guard. Though the word had not actually occurred to me so far, "narcissistic" MAY possibly be a good word choice. haha..
NOW.... having said this, and being the kind of man who presumes everyone is on the level and truthful (until I know otherwise), it seems that all of us enjoyed reading about the events with you and your flatmates and they certainly brought up many great discussions. If nothing else, it helped you as a young man, see and hear some thoughts from some men that are older share their insight which in turn has opened up your eyes and brain, about sexuality and relationships. l agree with Mikey Mike that you guys are on a learning curve as are all teenagers and 20's young adults when it comes to sexuality (and many of us mid - aged folks are STILL on learning curves whether its sexuality OR anything else lol). I really doubt that you are playing with lives as the mental health counselor suggested, though no doubt all 4 of you WILL have learned some things about friendship, sex, respect , pulling together for the greater good - which are all great life lessons, from this time together. As Stoneandy has said several times - it's all good! We just want to know that you're okay Seb and I want you to know that I strongly suspect you haven't screwed up any of their lives. Hugs from me as well ..... Map :)