Some notes on technique
Hi all. I notice not much activity in this group, and thought I might try to spark discussion. My take has always been that Tantra in general is a highly misunderstood concept, and is often lifted from its true context and applied in ways that make it so much "less than" what it can be. The word often gets connected almost automatically to "tantric sex" for example. And while this is not exactly "wrong," per se, as touch, sensuality, and eros can be integral to the experience, I always find myself eager to point-out how much is missed by pushing that aspect to the front and center of the practice.
I'm not an expert, certainly; I'm a curious explorer. I'm a trained CMT, and have practiced in several different styles, including those that are somewhat experimental in nature, and involve more active movement. My touchstone technique, however, is Esalen, which emphasizes a sort of coordinated approach to bringing the subject's whole being into balance through empathetic touch and guided movement. As part of this training, and also as part of my own experience, what I've learned is that integration and patience are the key elements in Tantra, and Tantric massage.
I can try to define what I mean by integration, through example. For myself, simply being nude, casually/outdoors, with others, carries a sense of connectedness to my sensuality. It is mildly and warmly erotic -- not in the sense that it immediately makes me crave sex, but that it invites my sensual self to come in and mingle with who I am as a whole person. My sexuality becomes not a separate "cloak" that I wear in particular scenarios and in particular ways -- it becomes, instead, a part of myself that I notice in me, and I see it with empathy and respect. So as I experience nudity throughout an extended period, at a place such as one of my favorite hot springs resorts, this integration becomes more and more intertwined, to the point where there are no clear boundaries between the places in my body and mindset that are reserved specifically for sexuality versus not. And in that mindset, I may interact with a partner to engage in experimental touch/movement, spending the better part of a day in silent dance, in one of the pools, feeling warm water and gentle, velvety touch glide over my body. There is a point at which it is impossible to really define exactly what is going-on. It's not sexual, but it's not NOT sexual. My body and mind no longer need the distinction because it's become meaningless. I simply "am."
This state of mind is, to me, the very doorway into a full Tantric experience, and the key is this: there is no way to arrive at that mindset without the patience and self-empathy/acceptance that it takes to get there. I.e., you can't just come in and lie down on a table with the expectation of receiving a "Tantric" massage. It doesn't work that way. With practice I think it might be possible for someone to reach the mental state needed within a relatively short time-frame, but I don't think anyone can do it immediately or claim to "be there all the time" as I've heard some people say. It takes me sometimes up to 2 or 3 days of immersion in social nudity and openness. It takes me a while to get past the "yes/no" dichotomy, in my headspace, and to trust myself fully.
I think this patience is what is often cited when people speak of the pleasures of Tantric sex and/or massage being contained in the ability to forestall an orgasmic or climactic experience, and continually keep building-up. And I have always more or less not entirely agreed with this idea. Certainly an orgasm or other profound bodily-felt experiences can be artificially heightened by forcing them to be delayed and thus increasingly anticipated. But this, to me, is a bit of a "cheapened" version of what we are really trying to achieve -- a complete integration of ALL aspects of the self, and a gentle, completely empathetic view of that integrated self. One has to treat their sexuality not as a separate, ravenous entity to be fed when it is hungry but, rather, as a central part of the self.
I won't speak of interactions with "clients," because I obviously do not offer anything like a Tantric experience to paying customers -- since undraped nudity and unrestricted touch is an absolute requirement. Additionally, I do not think Tantric massage can be approached as a traditional practitioner/client relationship. Both (all) parties must come to it on an equal footing. So with partners I've practiced with, I find that the only way it ever works is to come to it in the scenario as described, as a natural outcome of being immersed in an empathetic frame of mind, without (ironically) the attachment of sexual baggage.
I think that the best way to achieve this is to practice the art of remaining always curious -- make curiosity about self as a default frame of mind. E.g., if I am feeling like I am hungry, rather than simply going to have something to eat, I can reflect for a moment and see inside myself if it's truly hunger that's causing my feelings, or something else, or perhaps if I'd be better served by living with the slight discomfort for a at least a few more moments, etc. By placing curiosity above all my other competing sensations, my true self gets to be in the driver seat, and I have a better chance of actually seeing myself and treating myself with kindness.
When this state of mind is realized, therapeutic touch, and sex, can be absolutely transformative, profound experiences. I have had such experiences that changed my life, and led me to realizations about myself that I will never forget.
I would so love to hear other commentary along these lines, and to share ideas with those of you who are on this journey of discovery and curiosity.
well first we both here uniformly agree that your lines on this message is spot on. well after reading who you are and what you intend to speak up on looks very promising. Infact we felt that you have explained exactly what we think.
We frankly believe nudism opens up doors in life leaving behind all personalties, to jon the nature. Nature , and body has ahuge connection with each other. And as you have said , nudism, eroticism, sex all go hand in hand s what we believe. but All is a fine art where you need to be free enough in mind and body to colour the picture.we lack friends like you to live our fullest life...again its lot more than getting involved with sex but let your self set free ...and it starts with nudism. that will surely open up everyone to all paths towards being curious to many enjoyments and pleasures which could add lots of meaning to life...
Love Lucy & Gayan
Thank you for the replies. This seems like a thoughtful group to be a part of. I wanted to follow-up with a couple other thoughts.
One other area where I sense that some individuals tend to approach Tantra in an unnatural way is to put a lot of baggage on it and -- on the one hand -- think that every sexual experience needs to be a "Tantric" one, and then -- on the other hand -- think that they are "doing it wrong" if they don't realize some sort of earth-shattering, mind-bending orgasm every time they engage. Or -- even worse IMO -- claiming that this IS what is happening for them. This, to me, adds the dimension of competitiveness, shame, etc., to the equation, where those emotions are fundamentally at odds with the goal.
I think it is absolutely fine to have the simple urge for erotic touch and for sex, and to not need to put much around those desires beyond them being simply something you'd like to have. I think that this is actually part of the integration that I mentioned in my original post -- that it's okay to accept yourself and your needs and to sometimes just go with them. I'm so lucky to have a wonderful group of very sweet and lovely friends with whom I can be free to enjoy nudity and sex in ways that are casual, creative, fun, safe, and nourishing, without having to process inclusivity or exclusivity arrangements. We are all ethical and visionary enough to be cognizant of all the ways sexual interaction may manifest -- all the way from acquaintances who are situated in the right time/place to satisfy one-another in a moment of mutual desire, to spending magical times with a trusted and long-time lover. In a nutshell, sometimes it's just fun and healthy to connect with your inner slut and feast to your fill on wonderful sex-without-boundaries :-)
I know I am very very blessed in this, and I also know that these are not necessarily options for everyone, but there are a wider world of possibilities than one usually envisions. Sometimes all it takes is a little shift within oneself to realize opportunities that one never knew were possible.
Where this leads me in the Tantra discussion is to the realization of how the basic emotional mechanics of sexual interaction in the Trantric sphere. In that space, my head is in a different place in terms of how I expose my emotions and present my desire. It is an interesting and noteworthy shift. I tend much more to view the experience as an interaction in which I am partnered with an individual in seeking a mutually desired goal. It is as if the "usual" emotional interplay that can be associated with sex and erotic touch is more diffuse and I don't think of those acts as "sexual" at all in the same way that I'd approach a fun little escapade with a friend, for example.
Anyway, I thought those points were worth adding as discussion fuel :-)
Hi Chloe Tony again.
I wish I could write as well as you
Often we ( society) try to put people in boxes to comply to rules set by religious beliefs or government
It is in my opinion that if two friends or more can share there desires without causing harm to others
You life a wonderful life with the attitude you take to life. I wish you well in your future year
Thanks. Once again X0xOX. Tony (.)!(.)
I'm not sure but after reading on this subject it sounds to me that you put the human personal baggage aside and let human beings connect as beings. To share something together regardless of gender, age, appearance or race with touch and caress in pleasurable communication between two souls. I may be off base a little bit, if so please correct me. It somewhat reminds me of a movie I saw many years ago of a geeky guy who visited a pretty girl at her place sometime in the future. She coyly led him to her couch where they sat down, held hands, turned on some kind of instrument in front of them and they experienced a very enjoyable mental sexual bonding while only the touch of holding hands. They seemed quite satisfied. I know its not the same thing but it does remind me of that in an offbeat way.
I appreciate your thoughts and agree that Tantric is often "mis-represented" ...
and, like another poster, may I say I envy your circle of friends that allow you to enter that realm of openess, trust, nudity, sharing and caring ...
In my study of Tantric, the goal is the unison of mind, body and spirit ...
as you so aptly described, achieving that state is a different path for different people ...
I am fortunate that in a couple past relationships, I was able to "assist" my partner in achieving (or very near so) that state of unison ..
the energy released as she achieved that apex was a joy to behold ... and a pleasure to share in ...
if you know of any in the Santa Cruz area that would share in that goal, please message me ..
and may you continue to explore and experience and learn ...
well first we both here uniformly agree that your lines on this message is spot on. well after reading who you are and what you intend to speak up on looks very promising. Infact we felt that you have explained exactly what we think.We frankly believe nudism opens up doors in life leaving behind all personalties, to jon the nature. Nature , and body has ahuge connection with each other. And as you have said , nudism, eroticism, sex all go hand in hand s what we believe. but All is a fine art where you need to be free enough in mind and body to colour the picture.we lack friends like you to live our fullest life...again its lot more than getting involved with sex but let your self set free ...and it starts with nudism. that will surely open up everyone to all paths towards being curious to many enjoyments and pleasures which could add lots of meaning to life...Love Lucy & Gayan