What we can learn from Will Smith

I'm sure most of us (who are not living under a rock) are familiar with the Oscar debacle. The "slap heard around the world" as it is now called.

Many of us nudist husbands have had some experience where someone made a comment, cracked a joke or behaved in a manner that made our wives uncomfortable. Obviously, walking up to them and giving them a warm open-hand slap across the jaw is not the best option (even though I've personally felt it totally appropriate once in a moment of anger).

I think it begins with intent. Chris Rock is a comedian and he was just making a joke. Most nudists are typically careful "how" they joke in a nudist setting; but sometimes a "slip-up" can occur. So the first question is: "what was their intent?" Were they purposely being provocative or were they out of line due to ignorance (or drunkenness)? Body language can be just as effective as getting physical (without the violence). A hard stare, shaking your head "no", getting up and stepping between your SO and the individual can let them know you disapprove of their behavior. If the intent was indeed provocation (I've been told of a story where someone told a wife he'd like to "bite her ass"), then a verbal confrontation (preferably privately) can defuse a potentially explosive situation. If the situation occurs at a resort, the potential threat of being expelled is enough for most "offenders" to be amenable.

When Will Smith saw his wife's expression after the joke, he immediately reacted. That implies that his wife was so upset as to require immediate intervention. That leads me to my second point. I've told the story before about my wife quitting nudism for a time, due to a nudist "gentleman" who was "ribbing" her about her hesitation taking off her bikini bottom at the nude beach. Well, besides the "ribbing" being completely inappropriate, my wife was also a newbie who had never been socially nude ever before; so she was genuinely upset. She is now an experienced nudist, and if the same situation was to ever occur, she would probably just roll her eyes and tell him to mind his own genitals. If something deemed "inappropriate" occurs in her presence (which is fairly rare), I scan her body language, make physical contact by touching her arm and looking into her eyes, and seek feedback. One example I can think of was noticing a man looking at her while she was bent over laying out her towel and affairs. She saw him, rolled her eyes; and I immediately made eye contact and leaned towards her. She just smiled indicating she was fine. She has been naked around other people, in various body configurations, enough times now to "shrug off" when she sees someone looking at her naked body. So there was no reason for me to walk up to the guy, much less give him a warm open-handed slap across the jaw.

It's good to be protective of your partner. In the nudist world, where people will see her in an "exposed/vulnerable" state, you don't want her to have any bad experiences with it. Should it occur (and hopefully it won't), physical aggression is not a good response (unless your partner is physically assaulted/groped, in which case I'll be the first to slap someone.)

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RE:What we can learn from Will Smith

I wouldn't doubt it if it was staged.

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RE:What we can learn from Will Smith

I wouldn't doubt it if it was staged.

Everyone thought that initially; but there's now plenty of evidence it wasn't staged.

But I don't want this post to turn into a debate about "liberal Hollywood" of "manufactured drama." That's a different conversation ;)

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RE:What we can learn from Will Smith

If the transgression is presented as a joke, I think the best response is just to respond that it's not funny. That tells the transgressor that if they intended humor, that they've not succeeded, and that if they intended to disguise aggression as humor, they've also not succeeded. I responded that way in a chamber of commerce meeting once when our president - frustrated by the position of a local church in a land-use dispute - made an anti-Catholic joke. I acted because my Catholic co-worker, sitting beside me, was visibly upset. But I was not defending her, explicitly - I was calling him out on his behavior.

Which comes around to the gendered-ness of the nudist situation. The disproportionate harassment of women is undeniable and deserves a response when it occurs. But the man of a couple defending the woman, trips a set of cultural switches that turns the interaction into two-men-fighting-over-a-(passive)-woman. Better to call the guy directly, but not personally, on the behavior. "Hey, guy, we don't hassle people over what they wear." Makes the point, and by staying away from the man-defending-woman dynamic, avoids simply diverting the guy to unaccompanied women.

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RE:What we can learn from Will Smith

learned? that smith is just another brainless thug

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RE:What we can learn from Will Smith

I ask the question why is it that a woman needs a man to intervene? or more to the point why should the situation need a man intervene?

Surely in 2022 not only should it not need violence, or physical intimidation, to quell a situation such as this, but it should be that women truly stand up for themselves and a man should see that what was said or done was inappropriate and apologise/make good.

Don't get me wrong; defending your partner is a must in a solid relationship, but its a shared thing and Will Smith's participation should have been limited to standing by Jada later when she accosted Rock at the after party.

Chris Rock is a fuckwit for not seeing Jada's reaction and making amends immediately!

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