There is a division of opinion whether a physical relation with a same sex partner is cheating on an opposite sex spouse.
Not a psychologist/psychiatrist here, but I doubt there are many in those fields of study who would suggest the sexual parts of someone you are achieving orgasms with outside of your committed relationship has got a damned thing to do with the act of being unfaithful.
I do attempt to avoid discontent with my fellow nudists, but any 'division of opinion' mentioned in the quote above is quite a convenience for those who are trying to justify their actions. If a person allows themself to engage in a hidden situation, where they have done something sexual with anyone other than their committed partner, what mental hoops does he or she or it need to jump through to find a comfortable place to live with it? 'Underlying' feelings - that's two negative words in one, under (hidden) and lying (dishonesty). Two negatives will never make the equation positive in the world of relational arithmetic, especially if it feels as though you still deserve the sexual satisfaction you are no longer getting from your partner. If you are not telling your spouse that you are providing and/or accepting sexual favors from someone other than them, in my opinion it is cheating. The severity of the offense warrants a mention here -- there are many levels of dishonesty, some with obvious dangers (are you going to bring home herpes to your partner?) and some which might be put aside without a lot of soul searching or with a need for full disclosure (enjoying yourself as you notice a couple at the park who go too far in public setting).
There is no need for bodily penetration for the act to be unfaithful. Leaving aside sex without physical presence for ease of discussion (a related subject worthy of a thread of its own - the realm of phone sex and internet interaction), if your semen is being gotten out of your balls by someone else's actions, or if you are giving someone else sexual gratification, without specific, expressed permission or knowledge of or within eyesight of your spouse, ya burnt!
In some minds, cheating does not have to include anything physical at all. I'm reminded of when Playboy interviewed President Carter and he said, "I've looked on a lot of women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times." RIP Rosalyn Carter, a great person and humanitarian and supportive partner, who I hope didn't get too pissed at Jimmy for that admission. Personally, I don't think Jimmy did anything wrong there besides maybe leaving his mouth open too long. No one need ever know what evil lurks in one's heart, but getting honest about it can both benefit or undermine the sanctity of a coupling.
For those in this thread who conclude that same sex activity isn't cheating, I'll suggest that this idea is no more than wishful thinking. Example: If you've got one in each hand and one in each hole, something tells me your partner won't feel that you're being faithful when they catch you bent at the waist in the video booth. You may have no long term mental connection with the four penises you're presently engaging with, and I foresee some doubt as to how much you'll be worth to that lover when you get home -- unless of course they're into that. But...just because you have the same equipment, it doesn't mean it won't undermine a commitment; that double negative comes with too good a rhyme to it leave out!
And a final aside - there are people who do feel jealousy, belittlement or replacement issues through their partner's use of sexual toys. With humility, there is nothing you can do with a sex toy that should be considered cheating, though that's not to say that the constant reliance on such tools can't create problems in a marriage. Used sparingly or in conjunction with a partner, why not! Spice that shit up, my flaccidly-leaning or moisture-diminished bare fellows! Keep that drawer stocked with quality lube and go at it with verve! With that stated, the time when the adult toy industry and the world of intelligent robots does merge looms large (and anyone here with applicable experience please do speak up if you've already fucked&fallen for such), and that situation could soon make me have to re-think this paragraph.
Interesting read. I do agree that cheating is not only a physical act but one that is achieved through words, and behind the scenes flirtations. One must ask themselves, would you act that way if your partner was there to witness it ? If you answer no, then you have committed an act of cheating. Though there are different levels of cheating in my mind, it is something that each couple must agree on and live accordingly to maintain a respectful balance within the relationship.
Now is having sex with a male if you are male or sex with a female if you are female, cheating if your partner doesn't know about it or has not given you their consent to do so cheating ? In my mind, without a doubt, that is cheating. In our relationship my wife is straight and I am bisexual, this was discussed the first date of us getting together. Do I want to see my wife with another woman ? Hell ya that would be great but it is something that will never come to pass as it just isn't her thing. No problem. As far as me being with another man, that is something that we have discussed as well. Not one on one but the three adults together. If i were to go on the side and have some fun with a man without her knowing, that is cheating even though she knows I am bisexual. If I were to have a one on one session with her consent, then that is not cheating as she knows exactly what I am up to and who I am up to it with.
In my opinion, there are too many people in relationships where they are too afraid to tell their partners about their desire to be with the same sex in fear that their partner will lose their mind and leave them. If people would just be honest and share exactly who they are and what their desires are with the people they are with, these issues wouldn't be such a hurdle to overcome. Communication is the key and without it, it is only a matter of time till it all falls apart. In my opinion of course. :)
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