Conversational Narcissism

Do you know the story about the fellow who talked about himself for an hour at the dinner party, and then said, Thats enough about me. What about you? What do you think about me?

Journalist Celeste Headlee calls that conversational narcissism. Talking about ourselves may be pleasurable to us, but the result is deadly to relationships.

Many people have a subconscious tendency to shift the conversation away from others back to themselves. They do not even realize they are doing it. They see their conversational narcissism as an attempt to relate to the other person, to illustrate what they are saying, or to change an uncomfortable subject. But the other person perceives it as self-centeredness. They are choosing to talk about ourselves rather than giving attention to the other person.

Its hard to discipline ourselves not to talk about the similar experiences we have had. But it is a gift to give people the privilege of being heard.

Rather than shifting the conversation back to ourselves, Headlee suggests saying something like Thats interesting, or Tell me more, or Please continue that shows people we are listening and to encourage them to continue speaking.

Good conversations are like an old fashion game of pitch and catch. No one can do all the pitching, or all the catching. It requires taking turns.

Jim's Daily Awakenings for January 11 2018 https://www.jimsdailyawakenings.com/webdisplay.cfm?jdaid=2474

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