This is the story of two elderly people living in a Florida
mobile home park.
He was a widower and she a
widow. They had known one another for a number of years.
Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big
activity center.
These two were at the same table,
across from one another.
As the meal went on, he
made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his
courage to ask her,
"Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she
answered. "Yes, Yes, I will."
The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went
to their respective places.
Next morning, he was
troubled. Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'? He couldn't
remember.
Try as he would, he just could not
recall. Not even a faint memory.
With trepidation,
he went to the telephone and called her.
First, he
explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used
to.
Then he reviewed the lovely evening
past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of
her,
"When I asked if you would marry me, did you
say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?" He was delighted to hear her
say,
"Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant
it with all my heart."
Then she continued, "And I
am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had
asked me."
Three couples - one elderly, one middle-aged
and one newlywed- were interested in joining
the church. The priest said, "We have special
requirements for new members. You must abstain from having sex for
two weeks." The couples agreed to the terms and they
all came back at the end of the two week period.
The priest went to the elderly couple and asked,
"Were you able to abstain from sex for the two
weeks?"
The old man replied, "No problem at all,
Father."
"Congratulations, you are now members of the
church!" said the priest.
The priest went to the middle-aged couple and asked,
"Were you able to abstain from sex for the two
weeks?"
The middle-aged man replied, "The first week
wasn't too bad. The second week I ended up
having to sleep on the couch for a few nights, but yes, we made
it."
"Congratulations you are now members of the
church!" said the priest.
Finally, the priest went to the newlywed couple and asked,
"Were you two newlyweds able to abstain from sex
for two weeks?"
"No Father, we were not able to go without sex
for the two weeks," the young man replied sadly.
"What happened?" asked the
priest.
"My wife was reaching for a can of soup on the
top shelf and she dropped it," said the man.
"When she bent over to pick it up, I was
overcome with lust and took advantage of her right
there."
"I see. Unfortunately this means you will not be
welcomed into our church," said the priest.
"We know," said the couple.
"We're not welcome at the
grocery store anymore either."
What is the difference between a prostitute, a mistress and a wife?
During sex the prostitute screams "give it to me - you are the hottest, greatest stud ever".
The mistress purrs "oh, darling - I love you - you are the most fantastic lover".
The wife states "beige....I think I'll paint the ceiling beige..."
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