Barriers to Bromance
Return to DiscussionsI am really excited to find this group and to connect with other guys open to deeper friendships and connections. I have wanted something like this for a while, but wasn't sure where to start. While I am still starting this exploration, I have found there to be many barriers to these kinds of relationships and was curious if others have had the same experience. These barriers include:
1) Offending a buddy - talking about anything deeper or more emotional, anything outside of "safe topics," runs the risk of offending a buddy who is a good friend but not intetested in that level of connection. This is my biggest barrier.
2) Lack of emotional tools - even if a buddy wants to go deeper with a friemdship, many ot us lack the tools to go there because men (in many societies) are taught to be stoic and unconnected.
3) Fear of Judgement - even if the interest and tools are there, a bromance runs the risk of being judged in multiple ways, which may be a barrier to something deeper.
4) Lack of rolemodels - bromances can look so many different ways (I imagine), but I am aware of so few examples of this in popular culture. This may be limiting in some way.
Do these barriers to a solid bromance resonate? Are there others you have encountered?
I am really excited to find this group and to connect with other guys open to deeper friendships and connections. I have wanted something like this for a while, but wasn't sure where to start. While I am still starting this exploration, I have found there to be many barriers to these kinds of relationships and was curious if others have had the same experience. These barriers include:1) Offending a buddy - talking about anything deeper or more emotional, anything outside of "safe topics," runs the risk of offending a buddy who is a good friend but not intetested in that level of connection. This is my biggest barrier.2) Lack of emotional tools - even if a buddy wants to go deeper with a friemdship, many ot us lack the tools to go there because men (in many societies) are taught to be stoic and unconnected.3) Fear of Judgement - even if the interest and tools are there, a bromance runs the risk of being judged in multiple ways, which may be a barrier to something deeper.4) Lack of rolemodels - bromances can look so many different ways (I imagine), but I am aware of so few examples of this in popular culture. This may be limiting in some way.Do these barriers to a solid bromance resonate? Are there others you have encountered?
Thanks for such an important topic. Your 4 points absolutely resonate, most especially #1. I'm a guy who has challenges making friends. I can't imagine taking it towards the bromance level. Just don't think I can do it effectively. Hope to learn more as this discussion continues.
I personally find the word "bromance" (combining brotherhood, typically platonic; and romance, implying deep emotional connection with sexual expression between two individvuals) to be something which emerges over an extended time at best and a set up for failure at worst. Rather, I would settle for accepting and nourishing homosociality, that men can be themselves in friendships with other men, particularly in groups. This is how men have always been together in history, but it also requires male-only spaces where men can socialize freely, just be themselves as men among men, preferably their naked selves in a group of other naked men. Bromance is an affirmation of longing for that bond of belonging with men, but it also puts the pressure on a single man vs. identifying as a member of a tribe of men who are comfortable enough to be open and naked together even knowing one another casually or as friends among strangers. This is the kind of phenomenon which happens for example in a military barracks or with naked men's swimming as men in men-only spaces let their guard down.
Changes in society have closed such spaces and attitudes have made men afraid of one another rather than naturally looking to other men as brothers and mentors. It's also put undue strain on marriages to find a "one single partner fits all" solution to be best friends, lovers, financial and parenting partners, confidants and share hobbies/recreation together or go them alone. I don't think that's fair or healthy no matter how compatible a couple is. We are more of a social animal than that. Men need other men regardless of our orientation. I believe homophobia kills men's souls. We need to be free and comfortable to be ourselves as part of a tribe, yes a naked tribe as history and tradition dictate, as the foundation of our identities and building healthy relationships and friendships with other men, calling it bromance if you will, and all shall be well.