One wants to know all there is about me. About me, a simple person with problems just as everyone else. Well….there isn’t much to know…there isn’t much at all…
You can ask where you're going
But how would you know this when you don't know where you've been?
You hide the shame sometimes, the pain and terror that you feel from the things you're not showing the world to see. And you won't let anyone in your own world. You isolate everyone even the most close ones just to feel safer. You put on a mask on your face, a mask showing and proving them everything is all right, when beneath this mask one can find pure chaos. Absolute pain and terror, one can find worlds and truths collapsing one after the other….
So many times a simple crowded street can be a quiet place, where you're walking alone, alone amongst all these people. Alone amongst everyone else. Just you…hiding behind your walls of maybe nevers, forgetting that there's something more than just knowing better, your mistakes do not define you now.
They tell you who you're not, you've got to live this life you're given, like it's the only one you've got. Is this true?
Or maybe something might be more true , like the words of Nathaniel Hawthorn:
“No man can wear one mask to himself and on for the multitude without bewildering as to which maybe be true.â€
This might be true as well as another thought by Douglas Adams:
"He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream, and he sometimes wondered whose it was, and whether they were enjoying it."
Yes, another moment I feel myself living in…
Does anyone want to understand what I feel? What I feel? What I am? Who I am? That one should of have just listened to what I am saying and just have read what I wrote, or what I thought was worth reading and sharing.
Who am I? so many times I have asked that same question to myself and so many times I get the same answer… NO BLOODY IDEA!!!!
I can be so many things. I can be comfort, I can be pain, I can also be a pillar into one’s problems, I can be destruction, I can be devastation, I can be a dream and I can be a nightmare….what am I ? What am I? A misunderstood man? A man with wrong ideas? A creature brought for destruction and pain? What am I? Pandora’s box in light version? What do I feel I am – anger, pain, disappointment, rage, an error, a spit, an insult…. This is what I feel I am. This is what I accept I am …
People call me friend, people call me lover, people want me and ask for me, others hate me, call me enemy, want me as far away as possible, thirds don’t accept me, see me as an abolishments as a threat to everything.
I see my self as a coincidence, a simple error wondering around the world in a search of someone like me. Trying to find one in no luck as there isn’t one like me...or maybe there is?
Would you like to understand me?
Try reading between the lines... Try looking at a drawing between the draws… try thinking outside the box…..much further out than you have ever imagined….than, you MAY understand how I feel.
Many people tried understanding me, many got scared a few have still left. One I call a brother even though he has no relation to me. He still tries to understand what the fuck goes on in my head and can’t make any sense of it. He tries, tells me his thoughts and his opinions but he never truly saw me and even if he did he may never understood it as he still likes me and wants me as a friend.
Do you still want to try understanding at least the 3-4% I did about me?
Try doing it while reading the following thoughts from here and there:
I. QUOTES !!!
"Out of the night that covers me, black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeoning of chance my head is bloody, but unbowed. Beyond this place of wrath and tears looms but the horror of the shade, and yet the menace of the years finds, shall find, me unafraid. It matters not how strait the gate, how charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul."
Invictus
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return"
T.H. White said: "Perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically…to those who hardly think about us in return."
Stephen King: "Time takes it all, whether you want it to or not. Time takes it all, time bears it away.. and in the end.. there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometime we lose them there again."
"The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else."
"...find a person who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on her, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the one who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re beautiful no matter what time of the day. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, that's her..."
"Some of the greater things in life are unseen thats why you close your eyes when you kiss, cry, or dream..."
"If you love someone you would be willing to give up everything for them, but if they loved you back theyd never ask you to."
"Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be. ~Thomas à Kempis"
"Most of our life is a series of images. They pass us by like towns on the highway. But sometimes a moment stuns us as it happens. And we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image. We know that this moment, every part of it, will live on forever."
George Eliot: "There is no despair so absolute as that which comes with the first moments of our first great sorrow, when we have not yet known what it is to have suffered and healed, to have despaired and have recovered hope."
William Shakespeare: "Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds. It is an ever fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken. Love alters not with time’s brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom."
Douglas Adams: "He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream, and he sometimes wondered whose it was, and whether they were enjoying it."
II. Notes
“These days†3 Doors Down
I think i was better off before this all began
So clearly i can see lately that you don't know who i am
Everybody tried to tell me something that i never could believe
Stand back it seems so much different than it did in front of me
But i know
There's no good in lookin' back on yesterday
And wondering what could have happened then
You think you can give me what i want
You say, you say
I think i'm better off alone
These days, these days
Why should i put my trust in something that i never could believe
So one day you can find somethin better just to pack your things and leave
Loneliness is a friend for the moment but you won't walk out on me
I know
There's no good in lookin' back on yesterday
And wondering what could have happened then
You think you can give me what i want
You say, you say
I think i'm better off alone
These days, these days
I'm tired and i'm sick of waiting
Maybe i'll die alone
'cause i can't take another damn day
Of waiting here for you to come home to me
Yeah, yeah, baby, baby please
Tell me why
You think you can give me what i want
You say, you say
I think i'm better off alone
These days, these days
You think you can give me what i want
You say, you say
I think i'm better off alone
These days, these days
…
Sometimes at night when I look to the sky
I start thinking of you and then ask myself why?
Why do I love you? I think and smile
Because I know the list could run for miles.
The way you take my breath away.,
Or the way you brighten my day,
I love how my heart skips a beat, when you walk in a room
The sense of humor, the smell of your perfume
Your childish laugh, the lovely glare around your face,
The way you walk, with such a grace.
The calming of your presence, the beating of your heart.
The stroke of your touch, that feeling inside.
The sparkle in your eyes, the warmth of your skin,
Your breath on my neck, that quivers within.
The touch of your hand, the smell of your hair,
The kindness in your smile, the strength in your stare.
The whisper of your voice, the softness of your touch,
So many little things that make me love you so much.
The way that your kiss fills me with desire,
And the way you hold me with the warmth of a blazing fire.
Those lips that wrap your sweet smile,
Your passionate kisses that still drive me wild,
Your soft touch such a work of art.
All of this gives me joy that echoes throughout my heart.
Ever since we shared our first kiss,
I began floating in a dream of sweet bliss.
The sweet memories, the tender moments we've shared.
They embrace me like the soft breeze that fills the air.
The loving feeling I get when I hold your hand,
That summer night, when we walked in the sand.
Just know dear, that my feelings are true,
Just remember one thing,
I Love You
<Jordan Ivanov>
"Friends" is Such a Lonely Word
'Friends' is such a lonely word
She said she wanted to be friends
I stare at our picture
Grinning like goons
Wrapped in a blanket of bliss
I keep this picture
To remind me of things
Her kiss as sweet as strawberries
The way she rolled her eyes when I exasperated her
The clacking of her castanets
As she leapt across the stage like a graceful gazelle
But now I only taste
Salty sadness
I hold it on the tip of my tongue
Trying to remember
And now I only hear
The sound of silence screaming at me
And now I only see
Ashes of incense falling like the petals of a black rose
To stain the carpet as black as my heart
How could feelings so strong vanish like incense?
For months, she said she loved me
It was whispered between kisses
I gobbled her words
And in a week
It was gone
She said, 'Nothing'
What did I do wrong?
But I knew that was a lie
Just when we were starting to fuse
Like warm wax
She abandoned me
To the solace of this picture
That I clutch in my palm
The only remnant I have left
Of our days of wine and roses
I think she got scared
Wine burns
And roses can smell too sweet
Now when we meet
There are only
Walls of Awkwardness
We build them
One brick at a time
To protect ourselves
From future disasters
I've lost my sense of stability
She was a place of peace
In a lonely world
I'm sad because I'm not with her
I'm mad because I don't know why
At least I have her picture...
Love and Happiness
"If there is one thing you learn tonight, it's this. The power in a relationship lies with whoever cares less."
This is how some people see life, how they see love. And life without love cannot exist. Life, you know, it's like a quick cup of coffee, if you haven't got the guts to love someone, love them with all you've got, then you end up drinking alone but to achieve that one must take chances and risk everything. You've got to risk love!!! I did and then didn't and look at me, I'm a lonely ghost of a man. It doesn't mean that you're never going to get hurt but the pain you feel will never compare to the regret that comes from walking away from love. The moment when you realize that you are falling in love and cut all of it short because you start wondering weather the other person will hurt you or lie to you or leave or cheat...and in this moment you realize that indeed the pain from this is hundreds times less than the regret you would feel from walking away...
I think that maybe happiness comes from caring more about people rather than less.
Someone once told me that the power in all relationships lies with whoever cares less, and he was right. But power isn't happiness, and I think that maybe happiness comes from caring more about people rather than less...
You can ask where you're going
But how would you know this when you don't know where you've been?
You hide the shame sometimes, the pain and terror that you feel from the things you're not showing the world to see. And you won't let anyone in your own world. You isolate everyone even the most close ones just to feel safer. You put on a mask on your face, a mask showing and proving them everything is all right, when beneath this mask one can find pure chaos. Absolute pain and terror, one can find worlds and truths collapsing one after the other….
So many times a simple crowded street can be a quiet place, where you're walking alone, alone amongst all these people. Alone amongst everyone else. Just you…hiding behind your walls of maybe nevers, forgetting that there's something more than just knowing better, your mistakes do not define you now.
They tell you who you're not, you've got to live this life you're given, like it's the only one you've got. Is this true?
Or maybe something might be more true , like the words of Nathaniel Hawthorn:
“No man can wear one mask to himself and on for the multitude without bewildering as to which maybe be true.â€
This might be true as well as another thought by Douglas Adams:
"He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream, and he sometimes wondered whose it was, and whether they were enjoying it."
Yes, another moment I feel myself living in…
Does anyone want to understand what I feel? What I feel? What I am? Who I am? That one should of have just listened to what I am saying and just have read what I wrote, or what I thought was worth reading and sharing.
Who am I? so many times I have asked that same question to myself and so many times I get the same answer… NO BLOODY IDEA!!!!
I can be so many things. I can be comfort, I can be pain, I can also be a pillar into one’s problems, I can be destruction, I can be devastation, I can be a dream and I can be a nightmare….what am I ? What am I? A misunderstood man? A man with wrong ideas? A creature brought for destruction and pain? What am I? Pandora’s box in light version? What do I feel I am – anger, pain, disappointment, rage, an error, a spit, an insult…. This is what I feel I am. This is what I accept I am …
People call me friend, people call me lover, people want me and ask for me, others hate me, call me enemy, want me as far away as possible, thirds don’t accept me, see me as an abolishments as a threat to everything.
I see my self as a coincidence, a simple error wondering around the world in a search of someone like me. Trying to find one in no luck as there isn’t one like me...or maybe there is?
Would you like to understand me?
Try reading between the lines... Try looking at a drawing between the draws… try thinking outside the box…..much further out than you have ever imagined….than, you MAY understand how I feel.
Many people tried understanding me, many got scared a few have still left. One I call a brother even though he has no relation to me. He still tries to understand what the fuck goes on in my head and can’t make any sense of it. He tries, tells me his thoughts and his opinions but he never truly saw me and even if he did he may never understood it as he still likes me and wants me as a friend.
Do you still want to try understanding at least the 3-4% I did about me?
Try doing it while reading the following thoughts from here and there:
I. QUOTES !!!
"Out of the night that covers me, black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeoning of chance my head is bloody, but unbowed. Beyond this place of wrath and tears looms but the horror of the shade, and yet the menace of the years finds, shall find, me unafraid. It matters not how strait the gate, how charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul."
Invictus
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return"
T.H. White said: "Perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically…to those who hardly think about us in return."
Stephen King: "Time takes it all, whether you want it to or not. Time takes it all, time bears it away.. and in the end.. there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometime we lose them there again."
"The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else."
"...find a person who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on her, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the one who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re beautiful no matter what time of the day. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, that's her..."
"Some of the greater things in life are unseen thats why you close your eyes when you kiss, cry, or dream..."
"If you love someone you would be willing to give up everything for them, but if they loved you back theyd never ask you to."
"Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be. ~Thomas à Kempis"
"Most of our life is a series of images. They pass us by like towns on the highway. But sometimes a moment stuns us as it happens. And we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image. We know that this moment, every part of it, will live on forever."
George Eliot: "There is no despair so absolute as that which comes with the first moments of our first great sorrow, when we have not yet known what it is to have suffered and healed, to have despaired and have recovered hope."
William Shakespeare: "Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds. It is an ever fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken. Love alters not with time’s brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom."
Douglas Adams: "He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream, and he sometimes wondered whose it was, and whether they were enjoying it."
II. Notes
“These days†3 Doors Down
I think i was better off before this all began
So clearly i can see lately that you don't know who i am
Everybody tried to tell me something that i never could believe
Stand back it seems so much different than it did in front of me
But i know
There's no good in lookin' back on yesterday
And wondering what could have happened then
You think you can give me what i want
You say, you say
I think i'm better off alone
These days, these days
Why should i put my trust in something that i never could believe
So one day you can find somethin better just to pack your things and leave
Loneliness is a friend for the moment but you won't walk out on me
I know
There's no good in lookin' back on yesterday
And wondering what could have happened then
You think you can give me what i want
You say, you say
I think i'm better off alone
These days, these days
I'm tired and i'm sick of waiting
Maybe i'll die alone
'cause i can't take another damn day
Of waiting here for you to come home to me
Yeah, yeah, baby, baby please
Tell me why
You think you can give me what i want
You say, you say
I think i'm better off alone
These days, these days
You think you can give me what i want
You say, you say
I think i'm better off alone
These days, these days
…
Sometimes at night when I look to the sky
I start thinking of you and then ask myself why?
Why do I love you? I think and smile
Because I know the list could run for miles.
The way you take my breath away.,
Or the way you brighten my day,
I love how my heart skips a beat, when you walk in a room
The sense of humor, the smell of your perfume
Your childish laugh, the lovely glare around your face,
The way you walk, with such a grace.
The calming of your presence, the beating of your heart.
The stroke of your touch, that feeling inside.
The sparkle in your eyes, the warmth of your skin,
Your breath on my neck, that quivers within.
The touch of your hand, the smell of your hair,
The kindness in your smile, the strength in your stare.
The whisper of your voice, the softness of your touch,
So many little things that make me love you so much.
The way that your kiss fills me with desire,
And the way you hold me with the warmth of a blazing fire.
Those lips that wrap your sweet smile,
Your passionate kisses that still drive me wild,
Your soft touch such a work of art.
All of this gives me joy that echoes throughout my heart.
Ever since we shared our first kiss,
I began floating in a dream of sweet bliss.
The sweet memories, the tender moments we've shared.
They embrace me like the soft breeze that fills the air.
The loving feeling I get when I hold your hand,
That summer night, when we walked in the sand.
Just know dear, that my feelings are true,
Just remember one thing,
I Love You
<Jordan Ivanov>
"Friends" is Such a Lonely Word
'Friends' is such a lonely word
She said she wanted to be friends
I stare at our picture
Grinning like goons
Wrapped in a blanket of bliss
I keep this picture
To remind me of things
Her kiss as sweet as strawberries
The way she rolled her eyes when I exasperated her
The clacking of her castanets
As she leapt across the stage like a graceful gazelle
But now I only taste
Salty sadness
I hold it on the tip of my tongue
Trying to remember
And now I only hear
The sound of silence screaming at me
And now I only see
Ashes of incense falling like the petals of a black rose
To stain the carpet as black as my heart
How could feelings so strong vanish like incense?
For months, she said she loved me
It was whispered between kisses
I gobbled her words
And in a week
It was gone
She said, 'Nothing'
What did I do wrong?
But I knew that was a lie
Just when we were starting to fuse
Like warm wax
She abandoned me
To the solace of this picture
That I clutch in my palm
The only remnant I have left
Of our days of wine and roses
I think she got scared
Wine burns
And roses can smell too sweet
Now when we meet
There are only
Walls of Awkwardness
We build them
One brick at a time
To protect ourselves
From future disasters
I've lost my sense of stability
She was a place of peace
In a lonely world
I'm sad because I'm not with her
I'm mad because I don't know why
At least I have her picture...
Love and Happiness
"If there is one thing you learn tonight, it's this. The power in a relationship lies with whoever cares less."
This is how some people see life, how they see love. And life without love cannot exist. Life, you know, it's like a quick cup of coffee, if you haven't got the guts to love someone, love them with all you've got, then you end up drinking alone but to achieve that one must take chances and risk everything. You've got to risk love!!! I did and then didn't and look at me, I'm a lonely ghost of a man. It doesn't mean that you're never going to get hurt but the pain you feel will never compare to the regret that comes from walking away from love. The moment when you realize that you are falling in love and cut all of it short because you start wondering weather the other person will hurt you or lie to you or leave or cheat...and in this moment you realize that indeed the pain from this is hundreds times less than the regret you would feel from walking away...
I think that maybe happiness comes from caring more about people rather than less.
Someone once told me that the power in all relationships lies with whoever cares less, and he was right. But power isn't happiness, and I think that maybe happiness comes from caring more about people rather than less...