When caught nude outdoors...

When caught naked out of doors...

* Flash a big ol' resort smile, make eye contact, and say with authoritative tones, "I have learned that this neighborhood is clothing-optional."

* "It's one of the side-effects of being a somnambulist who sleeps naked."

* "I must obey the voices! MUST OBEY!"

* (In an Arnold accent) "Where is Sarah Connor?"

* (Looking upward and shaking fist) "Okay, Scotty, very damn funny. Now beam down the uniform."

* "If you can't see my fine new clothes, you must be stupid or unfit for office."

* "I've read that hallucinating that people are naked is the classic symptom of gymnoframmistatomania."

* "Call the Air Force! I've just escaped from the grays' mothership."

* "I was meditating and Elvis appeared to me in a vision and ... I am FREE and TRANSFORMED!"

* "Never let your mother-in-law hypnotize you."