Don't worry, I'm not a virgin nun, I kinda know what sex is and I have practiced it quite enthusiastically for two decades... And I had the tendency to say, like Justice Jackson (I think) said about porn "I can't define it, but I know it when I see it".
I was wrong. I no longer know what sex is.
I have been playing with erotic photography for over a year now. I shot most of my girlfriends in erotic situations, anything from innocent open legs to having wild sex (usually, albeit not always, with their partners). Obviously, the former was not sex while the latter was. But what about everything in between? I also modelled for three guys and with a few other guys and couples, faking sex acts. Or were they fake?
I suspect that most people would agree that sex implies a form of physically touching another person with the intention of obtaining (for one or both partners) sexual gratification. This is why most people will consider that a happy ending to a massage is sex - at least this was the answer of half of the guys. And I would expect that a majority of women would also consider it sex.
But what if there is no physical interaction, say I have online sex with a guy, we both touch ourselves and we both orgasm? Was that sex? And what if there was no intention to give sexual gratification? I guess everyone would agree that when a gyno puts his fingers inside me that's not sex. But what if a guy touches me there just for the purpose of taking an erotic pic without the intention to obtaining sexual gratification?
Now I'll put this at the first person as doing this with a guy to help you picture it better (and tease you a bit) but most can happen also in relation to an erotic pic of two guys or two girls and I could very well be the photographer, not the model. And I'm not saying that absolutely all the following scenarios have actually happened to me - but some, if not most, have.
So let's first start a series of questions which are not necessarily related to photography.
1. Do you agree that happy ending (giving or receiving genital stimulation to orgasm) is sex? And if yes, is it only for the recipient or also for the masseuse? In other words, if I massage and give a happy end to a guy, should I add him to the list of men I had sex with?
2. Suppose I put sunscreen on a naked guy and I'm supposed to put it all over. He gets hard and when I rub it into his genitals (with no sexual intention, but that is a sensitive area which also needs sun protection, right?) he goes off? Was this sex? And if yes, was it for both of us?
And now, let's go to the actual scenarios linked to picture taking among friends who are not shy, who have already seen each other naked multiple times and are used with a bit of teasing. There is typically also some alcohol involved, some daring and laughs and a lot of improvisation. In these cases, you don't actually discuss and decide everything in advance, you don't put everything in a contract, you play and experiment. A guy may be shy and not get an erection and feel so bad about this that he puts his clothes back on and refuses to model. Or on the contrary, a couple may decide to go all the way and have sex on camera (but only at the end of the session, please!). All is possible when consensual, nothing is imposed. When I'm the photographer, I never refuse to take pics and let the models go as far as they want. And while I'm a model, I never had a guy saying "oh wait, that's a bit too far for comfort". In fact, now that I think of it, I never had a girl saying that either, but I am undoubtedly more empathetic with ladies and we understand each other better without words.
3. I take a guy's penis or scrotum in my hands for a nice pic. Or a guy opens up my vulva with his hands. Is any of those sex yet?
4. I give manual stimulation to a guy to help him get hard for the pic. Sex or no sex?
5. I touch (lightly) a guy's glans with my lips or tongue. Or a guy touches lightly my inner labiae or clitoris with his lips or tongue, all for the sake of a good erotic pic. Sex?
6. I wraps my lips around the tip of his glans (say 1 cm deep). Or a guy pushes his tongue 5 mm inside me. Sex?
7. The guy pushes the tip of his penis for 1 cm for all of 2 seconds, until the good pic is taken, inside my vagina. Sex?
8. I take the guy entirely in my mouth for the same two seconds. Sex?
9. The guy inserts one finger half way inside me for the same two seconds. Sex?
10. What if, while I do any of these, the guy accidentally releases his load? Does it make a difference whether or not his load lands on me or somewhere else?
Replies
- BR
Sep 23, 20241 & 2 - not sex - but very welcome acts of kindness
3 thru 5 - not sex - but quite the tease of a precursor
6 thru 10 - I guess sex - but left wanting much moreReactReply - MEMemberOriginal PosterSep 23, 2024
15. I tease you with my pics and stories, while knowing well (or even with the intention) that you will use them to bring yourself to orgasm. Oh. Did we just have sex?
ReactReply - MEMemberSep 24, 2024[quote]15. I tease you with my pics and stories, while knowing well (or even with the intention) that you will use them to bring yourself to orgasm. Oh. Did we just have sex?[/quote] I hope so!ReactReply
- MEMemberOriginal PosterSep 29, 2024
Right.
So one defines sex based on penetration, one on intention and two smartly get out of the dilemma by defining everything as sexual activity - which to me is a recognition of the fact that, just like me, they don't actually know what sex is.
ReactReply - KE
Sep 29, 2024According to Chat GPT
Sexual activity refers to behaviors that people engage in to express sexual feelings and desires. It can include a range of physical actions between individuals, such as:Kissing and Touching: Physical affection and intimacy that can be a part of sexual activity.
Oral Sex: Stimulation of the genital area using the mouth.
Manual Stimulation: Use of hands or fingers to stimulate oneself or a partner.
Vaginal or Penetrative Sex: Penetration of the vagina by a penis or other object.
Anal Sex: Penetration of the anus by a penis, fingers, or other object.
Mutual Masturbation: Stimulation of genitals by oneself or by a partner.
Sexual activity can occur between individuals of different or the same sex and can have different meanings and significance for those involved. It's a personal and intimate experience, and people engage in it for a variety of reasons, including pleasure, emotional connection, procreation, or other motivations.It would appear that it is not just penetration. That is only Part of sex.
ReactReply - NU
Sep 29, 2024Your overthinking the issues and really need to get out more and enjoy nature for what it is .
ReactReply - MEMemberOriginal PosterSep 29, 2024
Kerrie, seven if I agreed with the ChatGPT definition (which I don't) this wouldn't answer the question, which is not what sexual activity is but what actual sex is. And my photography dilemma was playing on the distinction/confusion between physicality (penetration) and intentionality (aiming at sexual satisfaction).
Now why don't I agree with that definition? It's "Sexual activity refers to behaviours that people engage in to express sexual feelings and desires". The rest is just an enumeration, neither specific nor necessary in a definition.
First I wouldn't define what is a mere activity by behaviours. Second, more importantly, I don't think we engage in sexual activity just to express something (although this would be very appropriate for my dilemma, where all sexual activity is aimed at expressing desire for the viewer). We often engage in such activity just for pleasure or the expectation of an orgasm or two.
Third, the expression "between individuals" bothers me. Does it mean that solitary masturbation is not sexual activity? It does mention "stimulate oneself" at one point but it seems to refer to it as part of a duo game because it comes back to "between individuals" afterwards. And do we do oral sex only for stimulation or can this be also a very satisfactory way of achieving climax?
So basically, just what you expect from ChatGPT. Something which sounds pompously smart until you start to analyse it.
ReactReply - MEMemberSep 30, 2024
Ive been getting a BroZillian wax for years now. My first wax lady was my wifes friend. Second time, the wax hit some nerve endings and boom, quick hard erection. I was embarrassed but she told me it happens all the time, and its easier to wax that way. If it wasnt erect then she has to pull and stretch it out. From that point on Id relax and just let it happen, sometimes it would and sometimes it wouldnt. I didnt care either way. Its a natural body function, happens involuntary and doesnt mean I had sexual relations with her. She had a job to do waxing me. Its all your perspective.
ReactReply - MEMemberOriginal PosterOct 6, 2024
I suspect that nobody would claim that having an erection during the manipulation of "that" part of your anatomy (be that in a massage, waxing or medical context) means that you had sex with the person who is giving you that service.
I got visibly aroused a couple times in front of a gyno. That was long time ago, I was very young and very shy and we know that the control centers for shiness and arousal are very close to each other on our cortex. Of course, my arousal was not as visible as a guy's but no gyno will ever miss the fact that he can slide his finger inside without any lube or pain. I was mortified and had the impression that time had dilated and I had been under that dreaded pelvic exam for hours. I was so ashamed that both times I changed the doc - I couldn't face them again. And no, that was not sex.
For the others, a couple said that sex is penetration - if I put my lips on a glans penis it's not sex but if I slid them 5 mm up it is. A couple others said that sex is intention - I can do whatever I want with a penis, as long as it's just for the camera with no intention of actual sexual gratification it's not sex. Yet a couple others tried to cheat their way out of the dilemma with the usual trick, enlarging the frame to be all-encompassing and calling everything "sexual activity", without defining actual sex.
Like in all my moral dilemmas, I don't claim to know the "right" answer (I don't think there is one) but just to challenge readers to go granular, there where the yes-no, black-white Manichaeism no longer works because morality, like life itself, is a gradient.
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