TH
thomasstierneyOriginal Poster
Jan 31, 2013Jokes in Sequential Order
Below are a few jokes; each joke is linked by a common noun to the previous joke.
Copy and paste the last joke into your post (don't quote or the quotes could get ridiculously long).
Type a joke using a common noun from the previous joke.
The next person will need to copy and paste your joke and add a new joke and so on and so on.
PLEASE LIST ONLY ONE JOKE AT A TIME.
Aredneckpassed away and left his estate in trust for his beloved widow, she can't touch it until she's 14.
A defrockedPriest, aredneck, a 14 year old cheerleader and a horse walk into a massage parlor...oops, sorry that's not a joke, that's an upcoming episode of "Law & Order SVU"
APriest, a Rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar,the bartendersays, What is this a joke?
Ahorsewalks into a bar, thebartendersays, Why the long face?
A cowboy goes into a bar, has a beer, walks outside and finds hishorsehas been stolen. He walks back into the bar, fires his gun through the ceiling. "Which one of you mothers stole my hoss?" he yells. No one answers. "All right, I'm gonna have one more beer and if my hoss ain't outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas." He drinks another beer, walks outside, and his horse is back. So he gets on it and gets ready to ride out of town.The bartenderwalks out of the bar and asks, "Say pardner, what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turns to him, and says, "I had to walk home."
Below are a few jokes; each joke is linked by a common noun to the previous joke.
Copy and paste the last joke into your post (don't quote or the quotes could get ridiculously long).
Type a joke using a common noun from the previous joke.
The next person will need to copy and paste your joke and add a new joke and so on and so on.
PLEASE LIST ONLY ONE JOKE AT A TIME.
Aredneckpassed away and left his estate in trust for his beloved widow, she can't touch it until she's 14.
A defrockedPriest, aredneck, a 14 year old cheerleader and a horse walk into a massage parlor...oops, sorry that's not a joke, that's an upcoming episode of "Law & Order SVU"
APriest, a Rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar,the bartendersays, What is this a joke?
Ahorsewalks into a bar, thebartendersays, Why the long face?
A cowboy goes into a bar, has a beer, walks outside and finds hishorsehas been stolen. He walks back into the bar, fires his gun through the ceiling. "Which one of you mothers stole my hoss?" he yells. No one answers. "All right, I'm gonna have one more beer and if my hoss ain't outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas." He drinks another beer, walks outside, and his horse is back. So he gets on it and gets ready to ride out of town.The bartenderwalks out of the bar and asks, "Say pardner, what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turns to him, and says, "I had to walk home."
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Replies
- MA
May 17, 2013Two airmen from NY were at the golf course near Lackland Air Force Base and were waiting to tee off. They started talking about being back inTexasone said to the other only two things come from Texas. Football Players & Hookers. A full bird Colonel was standing right behind them and over heard what was said. He tapped the airmen on the back and said "My wife is from Texas". Without blinking an eye The Airman said... "And what position does she play!"
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Q: What is the definition of safe sex down inTexas?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterMay 17, 2013Q: What is the definition of safe sex down inTexas?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
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Q: How do people inTexasvote?
A: Early and often!ReactReply - MAMay 17, 2013Q: How dopeopleinTexas vote?
A: Early and often!
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Light travels faster than sound. This is why somepeopleappear bright until you hear them speak.ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterMay 18, 2013
Light travels faster than sound. This is why somepeopleappear bright until you hear them speak.
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Unhealthy: what thinpeoplecall you when you are fat and fat people call you when you are thin.ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterMay 19, 2013[quote][quote]"Fat" is not a common noun.[/quote]I am not common.[/quote]That is correct, "I" is not a common noun. "I" is a pronoun.ReactReply
- MAMay 19, 2013Unhealthy: what thinpeoplecall you when you are fat and fat people call you when you are thin.
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A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and
spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me,
can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I
don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees
north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the woman,
"How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically
correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact
is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything,
you've delayed my trip."
The woman below responded, "You must be in Management." "I am," replied
the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're
going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.
You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expectpeople
beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same
position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterMay 19, 2013A man in a hot airballoonrealized he was lost. He reduced altitude and
spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me,
can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I
don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees
north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the woman,
"How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically
correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact
is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything,
you've delayed my trip."
The woman below responded, "You must be in Management." "I am," replied
the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're
going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.
You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people
beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same
position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
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Three balloons. Daddyballoon, mummy balloon and baby balloon.
Daddy balloon said to baby balloon, "look son, you are much too old to sleep with mummy and daddy, you will have to sleep in your own bed". Baby balloon protests, "I like sleeping with you and mummy". "No," said daddy "you are not sleeping with us and that's final". "OK" said baby balloon sadly.
Two in the morning baby balloon wakes up and decides to climb into bed with mummy and daddy. He finds there is no room, so he unties his dad's knot and lets out some air, and ties him up again. Still no room, so he unties his mummy's knot, also lets some air out and ties her up again. He still can't get in, so he unties his own knot, lets out some air, and ties himself up again, he finally has room, and snuggles down with mummy and daddy.
The next day they all wake, and daddy balloon is really angry. He said "son, I am really disappointed with you, I said you can't sleep with us. You've let me down, you've let mummy down, and you've let yourself down too".ReactReply - MAMay 19, 2013Three balloons. Daddy balloon, mummy balloon andbabyballoon.
Daddy balloon said to baby balloon, "look son, you are much too old to sleep with mummy and daddy, you will have to sleep in your own bed". Baby balloon protests, "I like sleeping with you and mummy". "No," said daddy "you are not sleeping with us and that's final". "OK" said baby balloon sadly.
Two in the morning baby balloon wakes up and decides to climb into bed with mummy and daddy. He finds there is no room, so he unties his dad's knot and lets out some air, and ties him up again. Still no room, so he unties his mummy's knot, also lets some air out and ties her up again. He still can't get in, so he unties his own knot, lets out some air, and ties himself up again, he finally has room, and snuggles down with mummy and daddy.
The next day they all wake, and daddy balloon is really angry. He said "son, I am really disappointed with you, I said you can't sleep with us. You've let me down, you've let mummy down, and you've let yourself down too".
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Little Johnny's newbabybrother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?"
His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny."
Johnny says, "WOW! I can see why they threw him out!"ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterMay 20, 2013Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?"
His mother replied, "He came from heaven,Johnny."
Johnny says, "WOW! I can see why they threw him out!"
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A teacher asked littleJohnnyif he knows his 1 to 10 well
"Yes! Of course! My Father taught me...even more than 10"
"Good. What comes after three?â€
"Four," answers the boy.
"What comes after six?"
"Seven."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your erm...dad did a good job. Now...so what comes after...lets say ten?"
"A jack"ReactReply - MAMay 20, 2013Ateacherasked littleJohnny if he knows his 1 to 10 well
"Yes! Of course! My Father taught me...even more than 10"
"Good. What comes after three?
"Four," answers the boy.
"What comes after six?"
"Seven."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your erm...dad did a good job. Now...so what comes after...lets say ten?"
"A jack"
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Teacher: Why have you got cotton wool in your ears, do you have an infection?
Pupil: Well you keep saying that things go in one ear and out the other so I am trying to keep them it all in!ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterMay 20, 2013Teacher: Why have you got cotton wool in your ears, do you have an infection?
Pupil:Well you keep saying that things go in one ear and out the other so I am trying to keep them it all in!
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Teacher: Who discovered Pluto?
Pupil:Walt DisneyReactReply - MAMay 20, 2013Teacher:Who discovered Pluto?
Pupil: Walt Disney
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Teacher:What are some products of the West Indies?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor..ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterMay 22, 2013
What is the best time to wean thebabyfrom nursing?
When you see teeth marks
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Doctor, I'm two months pregnant now. When will mybabymove?
"With any luck, right after it finishes college."ReactReply - MAMay 22, 2013
Doctor,I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
"With any luck, right after it finishes college."
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Worried woman: 'Doctor, I think I'm pregnant.'
Doctor: 'But I gave you the Pill.'
Worried woman: 'Yes, I know. But it keeps falling out.'ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterMay 23, 2013Worried woman: 'Doctor, I think I'm pregnant.'
Doctor: 'But I gave you the Pill.'
Worriedwoman: 'Yes, I know. But it keeps falling out.'
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A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and was blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, thewomanreplies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."ReactReply - MAMay 23, 2013A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and was blessed with 22grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the woman replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."
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An old man is lying on his deathbed with all his children,grandchildrenand his older great-grandchildren all around, teary-eyed at the approaching finale of a very long and productive life.
The old man in is a terminal coma, and the doctors have confirmed that the waiting will be over within the next twenty-four hours.
Suddenly, the old man opens his eyes and croaks: "I must be dreaming of heaven. I smell your grandmother's strudel." "No, grandfather, you are not dreaming. Grandmother is baking strudel now." "I know I will never have another taste of her delicious strudel after this one. Could you please go down and get me a sliver?" the old man begs with what is left of his final breath.
One of the grandchildren is immediately dispatched to honor the old man's last request. After a long time, he returns empty-handed. "Did you bring me one last piece of your grandmother's delicious strudel?" the old man plaintively queries?
"I'm very sorry, grandfather, she says you can't have any, it's for the funeral!"ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterMay 23, 2013An old man is lying on his deathbed with all his children, grandchildren and his older great-grandchildren all around, teary-eyed at the approaching finale of a very long and productive life.
The old man in is a terminal coma, and the doctors have confirmed that the waiting will be over within the next twenty-four hours.
Suddenly, the old man opens his eyes and croaks: "I must be dreaming of heaven. I smell your grandmother's strudel." "No, grandfather, you are not dreaming. Grandmother is baking strudel now." "I know I will never have another taste of her delicious strudel after this one. Could you please go down and get me a sliver?" the old man begs with what is left of his final breath.
One of the grandchildren is immediately dispatched to honor the old man's last request. After a long time, he returns empty-handed. "Did you bring me one last piece of your grandmother's delicious strudel?" the old man plaintively queries?
"I'm very sorry, grandfather, she says you can't have any, it's for thefuneral!"
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Afuneralservice is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service, the pall-bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually still alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies.
A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the end of the ceremony, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "WATCH OUT FOR THAT WALL!"ReactReply - MAMay 24, 2013A young lad walks up to the front desk in ahotellobby, he hears something in the background, and suddenly turns around and ends up elbowing a beautiful woman in the breast, very apologetic, he says: "I'm terribly sorry ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, you'll forgive me..." The woman says: "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, Im in room 1221!!!"
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A couple was checking out of thehotelafter their honeymoon.
When the bill was presented an argument occurred.
"What is this item...$200. for meal?" inquired the groom.
"We have never eaten in your dining room. All I had was beer
in the suite, with eggs that I brought with me."
"Yes sir," replied the manager, "but the wedding package
included meals and the food was there for you. If you didn't
take them, it's not our fault."
"In that case," answered the groom, "we are even, completely
even...because you owe me $200. for making love to my wife!"
"But, I never touched your wife!" protested the manager.
"Well, she was there for you," said the groom. "If you didn't
use her, it's not my fault!!"ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterMay 24, 2013
A couple was checking out of the hotel after their honeymoon.
When the bill was presented an argument occurred.
"What is this item...$200. for meal?" inquired the groom.
"We have never eaten in your dining room. All I had was beer
in the suite, with eggs that I brought with me."
"Yes sir," replied the manager, "but the wedding package
included meals and the food was there for you. If you didn't
take them, it's not our fault."
"In that case," answered the groom, "we are even, completely
even...because you owe me $200. for making love to my wife!"
"But, I never touched yourwife!" protested the manager.
"Well, she was there for you," said the groom. "If you didn't
use her, it's not my fault!!"
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One day an old man and hiswifewere sitting in their rockers. The old man reached over and grab his wife's breast and said, ''If these produced milk, we could get rid of the cow.'' Then he reached down and grabbed between her legs and said, ''If this was a little warmer, we wouldn't need the furnace.'' The old woman reached over and grabbed his dick and said, ''If this was a little harder, I wouldn't need your brother.''ReactReply - MAMay 24, 2013One day anold manand his wife were sitting in their rockers. The old man reached over and grab his wife's breast and said, ''If these produced milk, we could get rid of the cow.'' Then he reached down and grabbed between her legs and said, ''If this was a little warmer, we wouldn't need the furnace.'' The old woman reached over and grabbed his dick and said, ''If this was a little harder, I wouldn't need your brother.''
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An old couple were out on thier 60th wedding anniversary and they decided to go to the place where they had first met.
After they had eaten the husband goes to his wife "Hey you remember that fence out back don't you?" His wife goes "Why, yes Harold thats where we first made love" Harold then goes "Well, how about we go relive the old time, eh?".
His wife agrees, and a young man nearby follows them out, intrested to see what this is gonna be like.
The old couple get to the fence, get naked and then start rocking and bucking like thier 16 years old! The young guy watches until they finally collapse off the fence and asks them in amazement "How the hell did some old-timers like you get that much stamina?!". Theold man, who is still kinda dazed says "Well lets put it this way kid, 60 years ago, the damn fence wasn't electrified!"ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterMay 25, 2013
An old couple were out on their 60th wedding anniversary and they decided to go to the place where they had first met.
After they had eaten the husband goes to his wife "Hey you remember that fence out back don't you?" His wife goes "Why, yes Harold that's where we first made love" Harold then goes "Well, how about we go relive the old time, eh?".
His wife agrees, anda young mannearby follows them out, interested to see what this is gonna be like.
The old couple get to the fence,
get naked and then start rocking and bucking like thier 16 years old!
The young guy watches until they finally collapse off the fence and asks them in amazement
"How the hell did some old-timers like you get that much stamina?!". The old man, who is still kinda dazed says
"Well lets put it this way kid, 60 years ago, the damn fence wasn't electrified.
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A young manwalks into a supermarket and buys a bar of soap, a toothbrush, toothpaste, a loaf of bread, a container of milk, two boxes of cereal and a frozen dinner. The girl at the cash register looks at him and says "Single, huh?" The man replies very sarcastically, "How did you guess?" She replies, "because you're ugly."ReactReply - MAMay 25, 2013A young man walks into asupermarketand buys a bar of soap, a toothbrush, toothpaste, a loaf of bread, a container of milk, two boxes of cereal and a frozen dinner. The girl at the cash register looks at him and says "Single, huh?" The man replies very sarcastically, "How did you guess?" She replies, "because you're ugly."
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Father and son insupermarket.
"Dad, what are these?"
"That's a 3pack of condoms son for secondary school lads. 1 for Friday night, 1 for Saturday night and 1 for Sunday night."
"What about the 6pack dad?"
"Those are for University lads. 2 for Friday night, 2 for Satuday night and 2 for Sunday night."
"Well dad, what about the 12pack then?"
"Married men son. 1 for January, 1 for February, 1 for March ..."ReactReply