TH
thomasstierneyصاحب المنشور
Jun 6, 2012One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
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- THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورMar 30, 2016Rainy Day Reminiscing
The bar was closing. I asked the beautiful cocktail waitress, "Your place or mine?"
She replied, "Both." "You go to yours and I will go to mine."تفاعلرد - MA
Mar 30, 2016I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.تفاعلرد - THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورApr 2, 2016It just so happens that Princess Di and Dolly Parton make it to the gates of Heaven on the same day.
Saint Peter meets them at the gates and tells them that there is only one opening to be had so they needed to give their best reason why they should be admitted to Heaven.
Dolly opens her shirt to reveal her magnificent breasts and tells Saint Peter to take a good look.
"Have you ever seen such a marvelous sight as these that God gave me?
Surely these alone should be reason enough to admit me through these gates".
Princess Di just pulls out a bottle of seltzer water, shakes it, shoves it up her privates and lets fly with the foaming water.
Saint Peter opens the gates and directs Princess Di to enter.
Dolly is incensed and says to Saint Peter How could you let her enter???
I show you these marvelous breasts and she does an obscene act yet you let her enter before me?.
"Sorry Dolly," says Saint Peter "but you know that a Royal Flush beats a pair anyday".تفاعلرد - KO
Apr 13, 2016And speaking of legal terms - re the thread game ... Have you ever heard of a case where a person was accused of assault with pepper spray?
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It would appear that Karaoke has something in common with naked running... in both cases, you can follow the bouncing ball ... on the screen or on the street. ;-)تفاعلرد - THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورApr 13, 2016[quote]And speaking of legal terms - re the thread game ... Have you ever heard of a case where a person was accused of assault with pepper spray?<br>
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It would appear that Karaoke has something in common with naked running... in both cases, you can follow the bouncing ball ... on the screen or on the street. ;-)
[/quote]
YES!
https://nixle.com/alert/5178825/
Even tho I know you were making a salt/pepper joke.تفاعلرد - KOApr 13, 2016Re- Humor, sarcasm and criticism... it's not what you actually say, that counts... it's what the other personthinksyou said, that gets you in trouble. :-)
There's an old saying that goes: The meaning of what you said... is the reaction you get.
- - - If you don't get the reaction you expected, then you probably didn't really communicate what you thought you did.
BTW, that works both ways, so don't get angry ... or happy, with someone, until you know what theyreally meantto say. ;-)تفاعلرد - THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورApr 14, 2016An old joke - My wife and I were having a nice quite dinner. I meant to say, "Please pass the salt."
Instead I slipped up and said, "You ruined my life you miserable bitch."تفاعلرد - KOApr 14, 2016
Hmmm, just a slip of the tongue... so to speak... Or do they call
that a Freudian slip? ... That might even qualify as a Paraprosdokian, or maybe not :-)تفاعلرد - KOApr 15, 2016U.S. IRS Form 1040... the simple explanation: For every $50 you earn, you get to keep $10... they get to keep $40. If you haven't filedyourtax return for tax year 2015, yet... you better hurry!تفاعلرد
- THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورApr 15, 2016Men drive too fast, we were told,
because the car is an extension of the penis.
But if it were, men would surely not drive too fast;
they would just drive in and out of the garage over and over.
Or maybe just polish it all the time.تفاعلرد - MAApr 15, 2016How many times is it appropriate to say "What ?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said ?تفاعلرد
- THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورApr 17, 2016A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.. The police are looking into it.تفاعلرد
- THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورApr 20, 2016So Vegans can eat MEAT; because it is actually naturally processed fruit, vegetables, nuts and grains.Veeery Interesting.تفاعلرد
- THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورMay 2, 2016May 1, 2016 - May 7, 2016 International Clitoris Awareness Week
(First full week of May annually)تفاعلرد - MAMay 2, 2016Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?تفاعلرد
- KOMay 7, 2016What's a Grecian urn? ... Not much, the country is bankrupt. :-(
And speaking of earning... If I had a nickle for every time I've made a mistake ... I could get rich off of my mistakes. :-) ... Hey, is that a paraprosdokian?تفاعلرد - THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورMay 8, 2016May 7, 2016 World Naked Gardening Day is an annual international event celebrated on the first Saturday of Mayتفاعلرد
- MAMay 8, 2016A man should never plant a garden larger than his wife can take care of.تفاعلرد
- THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورMay 12, 2016Theme songs from the bible:
Job: "I've Got a Right to Sing the Blues"
Moses: "The Wanderer"
Jezebel: "The Lady is a Tramp"
Samson: "Hair"تفاعلرد - THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورMay 13, 2016Theme songs from the bible:
Salome: "I Could Have Danced All Night"
Daniel: "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
Joshua: "Good Vibrations"
Jeremiah: "Take This Job and Shove It"
Elijah: "Up, Up, and Away"
Methuselah: "Stayin' Alive"
Nebuchadnezzar: "Crazy"تفاعلرد - THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورMay 27, 2016A man parks his bicycle nearby the Parliament house and walks on.
A police constable stops him and asks, Why did you park your bicycle here?
Don't you know it is a VIP road and all parliamentarians and senators pass from here?
Man replied, "Don't you worry about it, I locked my bicycle!"تفاعلرد - THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورMay 29, 2016My ex and I went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas.
The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was.
He told her one had a horn and one didn't.
"Well," she replied, "the one without the horn is fine. I don't expect we'll run into too much traffic."تفاعلرد - THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورJun 4, 2016Dan came home from work one evening and there was
his wife Miriam in the kitchen crying out loud.
"What's the matter, darling?" he asked her.
"I just don't know what to do," said Miriam. "Because we were
eating in for a change, I cooked us a special dinner - but the
dog has just eaten it."
"Don't worry," said Dan, "I'll get us another dog.تفاعلرد