TH
thomasstierneyUrsprünglicher Verfasser
Jun 6, 2012One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
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- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserMar 27, 2013My wife asked how the deer know to cross at thedeer crossing signs.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserMar 28, 2013I don't do Spring Cleaning because I love all the seasons equallyand don't want the others to get jealousReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserMar 28, 2013Q: What's the difference between love, true love, andshowing off?
A: Spit, swallow, and gargle,ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserMar 31, 2013I don't disturb cobwebs because I want every creature tohave a home of their own.ReagierenAntworten
- MA
Mar 31, 2013Q: Whats the difference between a ginger and a brick? A: At least a brick gets laid.ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 1, 2013There's a huge brouhaha in Britain over thesurreptitious use of horse meat to supplement beef sales.
It has, however,allowed the customer more options.
You can not only order your burger to go,
but also to "Win", "Place", or "Show".ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 4, 2013I think Congressmen should wear uniforms, like NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate sponsors.ReagierenAntworten
- MAApr 5, 2013[quote]I think Congressmen should wear uniforms, like NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate sponsors.[/quote]Most of them should be wearing a straight jacket.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 5, 2013Life is like a penis. Soft and hanging freely.
It's women that make it hardReagierenAntworten - MAApr 5, 2013Sex is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 5, 2013I'm fed up with the excuses women come up with to avoid having sex, like; "I'm tired, I'm washing my hair, I've got a headache, I'm your sister....ReagierenAntworten
- MAApr 5, 2013What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 5, 2013Q: What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?
A: a $100 bill!ReagierenAntworten - MAApr 6, 2013Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 6, 2013Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
A: By becoming a ventriloquist!ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 6, 2013I received a 4:00 am phone call. A man yelling because he found my phone number in his wifes pocket. I told him if he was having trouble with his marriage he should talk it over with his wife, so I handed her the phone.ReagierenAntworten
- MAApr 6, 2013Blessed are the poor. The more things you can afford, the more things you have to dust.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 7, 2013The speed with which a woman says "nothing,"when asked, "What's wrong?" is inversely proportional to theseverity of the shitstorm that's about to follow.ReagierenAntworten
- MAApr 7, 2013Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 7, 2013I told my ex I really wouldn't mind her having the last word, if only she’d get to it.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 7, 2013I've decided to call my bathroom the "Jim" instead of the "John" It sounds better when I tell people I go to the "Jim" every morning.ReagierenAntworten
- MAApr 8, 2013Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 8, 2013My ex complained that I never talked to her during sex; I told her I was afraid I would wake her up.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 9, 2013When I was a kid, we never locked our doors. Didn't have to. Didn't have anything worth stealing.ReagierenAntworten