"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
Antworten
- MA
Oct 7, 2016[quote]"Why beer is better than wine: human feet are conspicuously absent from beer making."[/quote]Haha,,, and people wonder why many wines smell like sweaty feet.ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserOct 8, 2016Why do people point to their wrist when they want to know the time?
I don’t point to my crotch when I want to know where the bathroom is?ReagierenAntworten - MAOct 8, 2016If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?ReagierenAntworten
- KO
Nov 3, 2016The movie *Back to the Future II* predicted the Chicago Cubs would win the World Series in 2016... Was that a coincidence... ordid they know something?... Maybe they reallyDID havea time travel device;-)ReagierenAntworten - FU
Nov 3, 2016Actually Back to the Future II was placed in 2015 not 2016. Close though!
ReagierenAntworten - KONov 3, 2016[quote]...Actually Back to the Future II was placed in 2015...[/quote]
OK, after reviewing the story I saw, again... they didn't specify the year, so maybe itwasintended to be for 2015... but that was still close and theydidpredict other inventions accurately ... from1989. :-) ... The only reference I found on the *Inside Edition* website was from Oct. 2015 ... on the date identified in the movie... But I remember seeing the comment on their tv show just about a week ago. Maybe it was just a replay of the original story, slightly edited. ...update:Yes... it was under the heading of the number 108 coincidence.ReagierenAntworten - KONov 3, 2016P.C.... Should the female version of a manikin be called a womanikin?;-)ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserNov 13, 2016Drinking Alcohol Solves No Problems
But Then Neither Does Consuming Milk...ReagierenAntworten - MANov 13, 2016[quote]Drinking Alcohol Solves No Problems
But Then Neither Does Consuming Milk...
[/quote]Have you tried barmaid's milk?ReagierenAntworten - KONov 16, 2016After some of us went back off of Daylight Shifting Time... I got confused... Are we now Earlier in the day... or Later in the day?:-/ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserNov 19, 2016
Every day, write the name of someone you hate, on your body, in permanent marker. That way, no matter how you die, they'll be a suspect
ReagierenAntworten - NU
Nov 27, 2016When you like or love someone, put their name in a circle not a heart A heart can break but a circle goes on forever.ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserNov 27, 2016
I speak three languages:
English, Sarcasm & ProfanityReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserNov 27, 2016
On the first day of Spring Training, a baseball scout brings a race horse with him to add to the starting line-up. The coach asks, "What did you bring that horse here for?"
The scout replies, "Wait until you see him bat."
All the players are laughing, until the horse comes to bat. At this point, the horse grabs the bat, and everyone quiets down. They stare at the horse. The pitcher, just shrugs his shoulders, and throws the ball toward home plate when astonishingly the horse hits the ball deep in the outfield.
The horse just stands there and does not move. The manager then yells at the baseball scout to tell the horse to run to first base. The scout looks back at the manager and yells back, "If he could run, he'd be at Belmont!"ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserNov 28, 2016
People get their panties in a wad over the stupidest little things.
I can sum up the secret to peace and serenity in 3 words.
Don't obsess over trivial details.
If you thought That's 5 words.
You proved my point exactly!ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserNov 28, 2016
On the sixth day, God turned to the angel Gabriel and said, "Today I am going to create a land called Canada. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, and beautiful sparkly lakes teeming with carp and trout. There shall be forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."
God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so that the inhabitants prosper, and I shall call these inhabitants Canadians. They shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."
"But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"
"Not really," God replied. "Just wait and see the neighbors I am going to give them."ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserNov 29, 2016
A young Southern farm couple, Homer and Darlene, got married and just couldn't seem to get enough lovin'. In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love.
The problem was their nooner; it took Homer a half hour to travel home and another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn't getting enough work done. Finally Homer asked the town doctor what to do.
"Homer," said the doctor, "just take your rifle out to the field with you and when you're in the mood, fire off a shot into the air. That will be Darlene's signal to come out to you. Then you won't lose any field time."
They tried Doc's advice and it worked well for a while. Homer came back to the doctor's office.. "What's wrong?" asked the Doc. "Didn't my idea work?"
"Oh, it worked real good," said Homer. "Whenever I was in the mood, I fired off a shot like you said and Darlene'd come runnin'. We'd find a secluded place, make love, and then she'd go back home again."
"Good, Homer. So what's the problem?" asked the Doc.
"I ain't seen her since huntin' season started."ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserDec 1, 2016
I often wonder if she smiles when she thinks of me like I do when I think of her.
ReagierenAntworten - KODec 1, 2016Have you ever noticed how easy it is to change pubic hair into...public... hair?ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserDec 2, 2016
Paddy was visiting his wife in hospital because she has a wounded leg.
The doctor said, "Can you describe what happened please."
Paddy said, "Well, she got shot."
The Doctor said, "You'll have to be more accurate."
Paddy said, "I know, but I'm not very experienced with guns."ReagierenAntworten - LA
Dec 4, 2016[quote]P.C.... Should the female version of a manikin be called a womanikin? ;-)[/quote] On this same thought, if women go through menopause, then doesn't stand to reason that men would go through womenopause?ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserDec 4, 2016
"A sermon", thought Father O'Flynn,
"I should write 'bout The Evils Of Sin...
But my mind is a blank,
So I'll sit here and wank,
'Til some new inspirations begin."His housekeeper, taken aback,
Cried, "Oh Father! It's sinful to wack!"
So she whipped off her scanties,
(Her bra and her panties)
And guided him into her crack."Lord Jesus!" cried Father O'Flynn,
"Inspiration at last to begin!"
As his housekeeper dribbled
He grabbed paper and scribbled
His sermon: 'The Pleasures Of Sin'.ReagierenAntworten - KODec 8, 2016Dec. 08, 2016... Winter will be here soon... The weatherman predicted cold temps but lots of sunshine, today, after a few morning clouds:-)... So, of course, it is now overcast and snowing .:-/ReagierenAntworten
- KODec 8, 2016[quote]P.C.... Should the female version of a manikin be called a womanikin? ;-)[/quote] Lakeman said:
[quote]On this same thought, if women go through menopause, then doesn't stand to reason that men would go through womenopause?[/quote] Continuing down this road... If a man has a hernia... should it be be called a [em]hisnia,[/em] instead?ReagierenAntworten