TH
thomasstierneyAutor original
Jun 6, 2012One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
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- THthomasstierneyAutor originalFeb 27, 2013Did you ever have a day, that's filled with the memories of "The One That Got Away" ?ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalFeb 28, 2013Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalMar 1, 2013I fell in love with my ex at first sight. I should have looked twice.ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalMar 3, 2013My ex was really being a bitch so, I took her favorite jeans to the tailor and had the waist taken in by one inch. She was jogging for hours every day for a week.ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalMar 7, 2013I won an argument with my ex....In this dream I had...ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalMar 12, 2013What the hell is this about a new kind of poop?ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalMar 18, 2013My ex joined "Adopt-A-Pet" at the L.A. Zoo.
She adopted azebra and named it "Spot".ReaccionarResponder - MA
Mar 18, 2013A cop pulls a blonde over for jumping a red light at a pedestrian crossing.
"Did you not see the pedestrian crossing" the cop asks her.
"No" said the blonde "was it a man or a woman"ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalMar 18, 20139 out of 10 doctors will agree that 1 out of 10 doctors isan idiot.ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalMar 19, 2013One time my ex suggested we make a movie reenacting our wedding night. I guess I shouldn't have suggested we holdauditions for her part.ReaccionarResponder
- MAMar 19, 2013My wife complained that I don't take her out enough. What's the point, she keeps coming back.ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalMar 19, 2013I convinced my wife she should run five miles a day. That last I heard she was passing through Cleveland.ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalMar 20, 2013My ex complained when I left the toilet seat up. Then she complained when I put the seat and the lid down.ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalMar 23, 2013Right after my ex broke up with me she sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. I sent them to her dad.ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalMar 24, 2013My ex claimed I was the most responsible personin our relationship.
Whenever anything went wrong, I was responsible.ReaccionarResponder - MAMar 24, 2013My wife says we should spend more time together. My girlfriend doesn't agree.ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalMar 25, 2013I'm thinking of suing my in-laws - my ex should've come with a warning label!ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalMar 26, 2013My ex and I had so much in common. She wanted totravel... and I wanted her to go and travel.ReaccionarResponder
- MAMar 26, 2013Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home& devil
in bed. But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home& economist in Bed.ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalMar 26, 2013One night I went out and got really wasted. I woke up in themiddle of the night next to some chick that was snoring and farting, so I knewI made it home OK!ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalMar 27, 2013Drinking alone at a table one night, a beautiful cocktail waitress asked why I was so sad. I explained I had just broken up with my longtime girlfriend. We talked when she wasn't busy. At closing time we went to her apartment. In the morning as I was leaving she said, "So, you're good looking, a nice guy and good in bed. Can I ask why on earth did you split with your girlfriend?" --- "My wife found out about her!"ReaccionarResponder
- MAMar 27, 2013Q. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you, what have you done wrong?
A. Made her chain too long.ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalMar 27, 2013My ex wanted a new watch. I told her there was a clock on the microwave.ReaccionarResponder
- MAMar 27, 2013My wife is so dumb she thinks a microwave is a small hairstyle.ReaccionarResponder