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thomasstierney

Humor and Fun

Random thoughts and jokes

Posted Jun 6, 2012

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TH
thomasstierney
thomasstierneyOriginal Poster
Jun 6, 2012
One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"

She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."

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Replies

  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 15, 2012
    Have you heard about the uncircumcised troll? His name was Rumpled Foreskin
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 15, 2012
    I rode the subway in New York City one night.
    I was brushed up against, I was fondled and grouped.
    I went back the next three nights.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 15, 2012
    Damn! I forgot to go to the gym today...that makes five years in a row.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 16, 2012
    Yesterday is but a dream and tomorrow only a vision, but today was a real bitch.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 16, 2012
    ATTENTION: If you really believe the world will end on 12-21-12 send me your bank account number and pin.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 18, 2012
    How come I cannot buy an incandescent light bulb, but, I can buy an assault rifle?
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 20, 2012
    No news is............................ impossible.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 22, 2012
    The worst part of my marriage was the first ten years, then she left.
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Dec 22, 2012
    I woke up late the other morning, and the wife said  "Quick, get dressed and leave the house right now"     "What's the hurry"  I asked.   "My husband will be home in a few minute" she replied.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 22, 2012
    My ex came home one day all upset. She said she had seen several young, beautiful women at the market and just knew I would bed them if I had the chance.
    Then she screamed, "How much more of this do you think I can take?    "

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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 23, 2012
    I took my ex to her first football game.
    Afterwards I asked her what she thought of it.
    She explained, "I saw the two guys flip a quarter.
    Then the rest of the game, all they said was:
    "Get the quarterback!"  "Get the quarterback!"  Hello! It's only 25 cents!"
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Dec 23, 2012
    I gave up my hope of being a star halfback the second day of practice. One tackle grabbed my left leg, another grabbed my right leg, and the linebacker looked at me and said, "Make a wish!"
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 24, 2012
    My ex called me at work one afternoon. She said, “I have some good news and some bad news.”
    I explained I was very busy, so I asked for the good news. She said, “Well, the air bags work.”
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Dec 24, 2012
    When inviting your girlfriend to stay the night, it is best to make sure the wife is out.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 24, 2012
    WARNING: Christmas parties mean the amateur drinkers are out and about.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 24, 2012
    My ex texted me at work one very cold winter afternoon. "Window frozen!."  I texted back, "Pour warm water over it."
    A few minutes later she texted back: "Now the key board is stuck too."
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Dec 24, 2012


    Q.  What is the definition of divorce?
    A.  The screwing you get for the screwing you got.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 24, 2012
    City of Los Angeles Anonymous Gun Buyback is in full force! Thousands of guns are being turned in by law abiding citizens.
    WAIT: Why aren't criminals turning in their guns?
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyOriginal Poster
    Dec 30, 2012
    I always wanted to be the last guy on earth,
    just to see if all those women were lying to me.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyOriginal Poster
    Jan 2, 2013
    I told my ex I insisted we have a three way. She said OK, and went out and bought a gallon of Neapolitan ice cream.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyOriginal Poster
    Jan 4, 2013
    It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown, and fewer still to ignore someone completely.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyOriginal Poster
    Jan 5, 2013
    That "which comes first" thing about chicken and eggs just makes me hungry.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyOriginal Poster
    Jan 8, 2013
    It's only premarital sex if you're going to get married.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyOriginal Poster
    Jan 9, 2013
    My ex had the handy man place our old refrigerator on the front lawn with a sign that said, "FREE TO A GOOD HOME"
    It sat that for three days. I replaced her sign with one that read,
    "Refrigerator For Sale $50.00"  Someone stole it the first night.
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