I need to vent and some advice
I just got a phonecall from my mother back in Michigan telling me that they just got done spending $300 at the vet for x-rays and blood work for their little Puggle. I guess he was just laying around (he is a VERY hyper dog) not eating or drinking and crying a lot.
Why?
Well...my crazy f**king brother hit him really hard because he poo'ed in his room. I am beyond seething mad right now. I love my brother with all my heart but he has some serious anger issues and is growing up to be a VERY dangerous boy. He's only 16 years old and my mother is terrified of him.
To top it all off my stupid grandfather (stepdad's father) gave him GUNS. =/ They've hid the bullets from him but he is so good at finding stuff. He constantly finds my mom's vicodin no matter where she hides them and sells them off. She had 60 pills on the 4th and now only has 21. I know my mom, I know she doesn't take more than a half a day at best. My brother has admitted to selling them before.
Sometimes he gets SO angry that he looks like he really could snap and just kill somebody. He has raised his fists to my mother and threatened me with a knife (he was 10 when he did that).
People aren't BORN crazy. I know its the way he was raised that made him this way. Its lack of discipline and structure. He's grown up always being allowed to do what he's wanted and when you try to tell him no... well it gets scary. I worry about my mother all the time and every day I am waiting for the call that my brother beat her to death.
I can picture the kind of man he is going to be. The kind that abuses his kids and wife and then is sorry about it later. Abusers are ALWAYS sorry but they NEVER stop. My brother constantly exhibits these signs. Getting angry being sorry/swearnig it wont happen again etc etc.
I couldn't convince my mom to give their dog up. She loves that dog. She hardly ever leaves him with my brother but she did yesterday for the first time in a while so she could go do work on their new house.
I was thinking about buying a small safe for my mother to keep the bullets and her medicine in but at the same time I feel that is only helping her by "encouraging" and "accepting" the problem. I feel like shit when I tell my mother how to raise my brother, but still she doesn't listen. I tell her constantly that she needs to take the reigns and do something about it NOW while she still can because once he hits 18 nothing is going to stop him until he ends up in prison.
=| I guess I just needed to vent a little bit. I always look out for myself first but sometimes I regret leaving home so early. I was afraid of my brother too but I would stand up to him even if it meant getting punched in the face. He has gotten a LOT worse since I moved out and I feel partly responsible. My mom is always telling me how she misses me being there because I could talk sense into Lee.
My stepdad is of no help either, he works all the time and is completely sexist. By that I mean, everything that my brother does he would have beat me for. In his eyes I am the "bad" child that moved out and is "living in sin", didnt go to college, doesnt have a well paying job..etc etc. He always tells my brother "don't be like your sister". But my brother is failing almost every class, has a gf that he's almost gotten knocked up a few times already, he smokes pot, pops opiates... The list goes on and on but there is no punishment.
I am completely powerless. Do you guys think the safe is a good idea?
for what it's worth I'd say just be there for him. If you can get him to talk. If not to you to someone, the parson, rabbi or school councillor. I could be that he is being bullied at school or something is not right else where in his life. he could be jealous of the dog thinking that your mom loves it more than him. it may sound silly but it does happen. Get him to open up over a beer may help.
Thanks for the support guys.
I forgot to mention that he is in serious therapy and on some major anti depressants right now.
He does get bullied in school and thats a huge issue for him but nothing seems to help. I know its a bad thing to say but being bullied has become a part of growing up. There's really no excuse for it to affect him to this extent. I honest to goodness think he's just crazy.
And I can't sit down and talk with him we live 2000 miles apart now. I'd love to just be able to bring him out here to live with me but my parents wouldn't hear of it.
Edit - Thanks Bruce :) You're right in pointing out that we've had disagreements in the past as I spent a lot of my youth raising him while my parents were at work. But a lot of the barrier between us stems from the betrayal he feels from me when I moved across the country. I am agnostic and my stepdad likes to talk a lot about "the good Lord" etc etc. But in reality he does not ever go to church and has no ties to anyone in a church community.
It was a good idea though, and I'll take your advice and try to start calling him every day. Starting tomorrow, after I calm down about the incident with the dog.
if he is being bullied at school, then it sounds like the school dropped the ball or is gong with the nimby defense. there is a school in the cleveland suburbs that was sued because the schooldid nothing to prevent bullying. it only took the horrifying event of 3 suicides in less than a year to bring the seriousnes of the problem to light.
if he is being bullied then get that issue dealt with, it may not be the cure all but it may help resolve some of the anger. at the worse it will bring the problem to the forefront and prevent others from being bullied. if your brother is being bullied there is a good chance others are as well.
and btw, giving a minor with anger issues a beer isn't going to resolve anything, it may just end up with you being charged with contributing to the deliquency of a minor.
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