Nudists and Relationships
"... If the relationship keeps going well, Id love to introduce my
girlfriend to the naturist world, but I dont know how to go about this...
... I've no idea how to do it without the risk of it all backfiring on me."
Do you think it's better to hide it from the person you care about and why?
If you tell him/her, how much do you tell? Everything?
What are you willing to risk by telling or not telling him/her?
One thing not to do, early on, is to identify yourself as "a nudist." Nudism doesn't define you; it's not really your identity - and naming it can make it sound that way, as if it's something she has to convert to. If you've been to nudist resorts or beaches, do cite specifics the first time the conversation turns to travel, or beaches, or anything related. This makes it something you do, not something you are. If, as is often the case, the first nudity you experience with her is sexual, consider that you've already established enough trust to try simply being nonsexually nude around her where it's private and safe. Don't push, don't argue the case, make it about you, not her; you are getting to know her, so let her know you.
I told my now-wife when I felt the relationship was serious enough (i.e. when she was part of my life to a greater extent than just week end dates). Initially I only told her that I went to the nudist beach in the summer (we started dating in the winter.) Her reaction was more or less "ok...whatever floats your boat." It wasn't until we were even more serious (talks about making a life together) that I told her about my entire nudist history, which included being a social nudist with my ex-wife and daughter for a good number of years. If we were going to eventually be married I felt she needed to know the "whole story." She also told me some things about her past that weren't necessarily pleasant to my ears; but that's what transparency is all about.
I feel you should divulge that kind of information as the relationship progresses. And also depending on how much nudism is a part of your life. The bigger the part, the earlier you should disclose. You don't want to risk losing the relationship because you disclose "too late" and the person feels you pulled a "fast one" on them. Likewise it's "easier" to end the relationship early if he/she is fundamentally opposed to nudism.
Had I not been as transparent: well then my wife would have never ended up becoming a nudist herself. It is equally possible that she might have chosen to never participate. It's just a chance you have to be willing to take.
One thing not to do, early on, is to identify yourself as "a nudist." Nudism doesn't define you; it's not really your identity - and naming it can make it sound that way, as if it's something she has to convert to. If you've been to nudist resorts or beaches, do cite specifics the first time the conversation turns to travel, or beaches, or anything related. This makes it something you do, not something you are.
To be honest, I have a problem with this, because I make a distinction between "nudist" and "social nudist." There are a lot of people who prefer to be nude in private, or with close friends or family. I'd call them "nudists" because they've grasped the basic tenet of nudism: when it is not necessary to wear clothes, it is better not to wear clothes.
Then there are the people like you, Steve. They don't feel that they're nudists unless they're in the company of other nudists. For them, it's all about the community, the society, whatever you want to call it. I agree that it's a big jump from simply enjoying nudity alone to wanting to be naked with other people, and that there's an adjustment in attitude. But it has to do with how you want to present yourself naked to other people, and how you want them to present themselves to you.
A swimmer is a person who swims, regardless of whether there is anybody else in the pool. A hunter is a person who hunts, either in groups or alone in the woods. But a tennis player or football player can't do their sport alone. And while they may identify themselves as tennis players or football players, they can't say they're playing tennis or football alone the way a swimmer can say "I'm swimming alone."
Hence the distinction I make about "nudism" and "social nudism." They are not the same things. But a nudist can be either one, or both, depending on whether there are other nude people around.
I do agree it's not something that defines who you are, any more than being a Catholic or a musician or an African-American defines you. They are simply components of your life, and it's your choice to see how much you let these things define who you are.
A person can and should say to their prospective spouse, "I like to be naked when I can." If he or she has not problem with that, the next step would be "I wouldn't have a problem if you were naked around me. Would you have a problem with me being naked around you?" After that, you both can discuss whether you want that attitude to carry over into social situations with other people. But honesty and transparency are still the key.
After my first divorce, I was naked a lot. Met a GF that loved to be nude and we lasted a fun summer. After that ended, I was set up with a beautiful woman on a date. The date went fantastic and we ended up talking nightly until our next date.
At this point in my life I threw caution to the wind one night and told her that I loved to be naked when I was home alone. I told her that when I got home from work I liked to take a shower and not get dressed until work the next day. She found it fascinating and also kinda cool. She had a daughter that lived with her that prevented her from being nude. But as many of you know, there is an every other weekend kid-less thing.
After dating about a month, she was coming to my house after work and I decided to just let it happen. She showed up at my house, walked in the door and there I was butt naked. We had sex a few times before so she had seen me nude, but not with a drink in my hand sitting on back porch.
She giggled and said, "I guess it would be rude if I didn't join you." And that was that....We were together for 11 years. We did many first time nude things together. First nude vacation, nude boating, nude party with nudist friends. I still miss her but like all good thing, some must end.
I met my current GF while boating and the first time I met her we were both nude so there was no teachable moment.
I guess i have just been lucky.
She found it fascinating and also kinda cool. She had a daughter that lived with her that prevented her from being nude. But as many of you know, there is an every other weekend kid-less thing.
I wonder what her rationale was for not being nude around her daughter? And how did her daughter take it when you both decided to be nude?
I told my girlfriend at I think it was the third date; I am pretty much always naked at home as I find that to be most comfortable. She didn't have a problem with that. So from that moment on, I haven't put on clothing when she comes to my place, and I am just naked all the time (even if she isn't). And now we are planning to get married. If she wasn't okay with me living clothing-free at home, it probably wouldn't have come that far.
Life is so much better when you upfront and direct. My ex hated that me and my sons preferred to be nude. So we had to hide our relaxing and when we would go to the nude beach. After a messy divorce in which I became a single father of two boys. Life was nude in our home and we visited beachs/resorts as three males. So much better. Once I met my current wife, I was upfront on the second date and held nothing back including being bi-sexual. Dated for about a year and her son loved to be nude. We married and she tried it out then became a fan. Now 22 years later, helping to raise the grandkids as nudists. Life is good.