Wives involved in nudism just/mostly "because of the husband."
A few days ago my wife reiterated something that many of us husbands already knew or themselves have heard: "if we ever separated/divorced, I'd never go to a nudist resort ever again."
That didn't hurt my feeling at all; but it did lead to a few thoughts.
Fairly early on, as I ventured into social nudism, I became aware of "single male stigma"; as many nudist men do. It seemed that in order to be "truly" accepted in an environment mostly populated by couples, I myself needed to be "coupled." Which put me in a position of having to "convince a wife." Some men will have some measure of success in accomplishing this; while many will not.
This dynamic of wives being/feeling cast as an "admission ticket" into social nudism is not always a very healthy one IMHO. It can cause "pressure" - on both sides - that can lead to frustration and/or resentment. Especially when communication about it is not 100% constructive. When it isn't, the wife might interpret it as "my husband just wants people to see me naked."
Even when an agreement is reached, the degree to which she agrees to participate might vary - depending on her comfort level; and it can lead to an interpersonal dynamic where the wife has a much greater degree of leverage - insofar as to the "where, when and how often" she participates. I remember discussing continuing nudism after my wife's first time; and her response being: "once a year - clothing-optional." I was so put off by the limitation that I considered just quitting. It felt like she was purposefully being difficult and was pulling a "power move." That can also be challenging to the relationship.
Some husbands will learn to live with a dynamic of "the wife calling the shots" because "it's still better than being a single nudist male"; and I can understand that. But...a "I'm only here because of my husband" stance can lead to a "dysfunction." I've seen covered wives spend the entire day by the RV/Camper on their phones while the husband socialized naked in the pool area. Some will say: "well that works for us" or "that's the only way she'll agree to go." But my question would be: "Is it a happy time? Are you two feeling connected there?"
To get back to my wife; she is vocal about going to the resort "because of her husband." And she did start out feeling that she was my "admission ticket" (sometimes even still feels that way). But along the way we continuously negotiated and revisited her comfort levels; and she found/admitted that she really enjoyed soaking/swimming and tanning naked. Socializing naked is still something she has "fluctuating levels of comfort" with; but she does stay naked and expresses confidence with it. But in situations where the wife participates but expresses an aversion to "open nudity", creating strict boundaries around it; or feels like the only reason she's there is so the husband can have his "naked social time" - well it doesn't always seem like a "healthy dynamic." I think maybe some more communication and "recalibrating" should occur.
Just a thought...
My wife would squarely fit into that category. Her very reserved approach to nudity & resorts would end immediately if something happened to me. Though she says (and her actions denote) that she enjoys her resort visits but almost always confines her nudity to the motorhome, very sparingly under the awning & periodically in the pool. She does greatly enjoy the resorts natural beauty & quietude. With all the afore mentioned, she does often ask when were going back. I interpret that as it being a fun, good time for her and were going to keep doing the same. I couldnt ask for more.
Why don't those single or him-not-her nudist men just go to men's nudist resorts, of which there are LOTS? No, these places aren't AANR-ish, because they all have some explicit acknowledgement of male-male sexuality, generally a rule about here-not-there on the property. Some of them say they're gay; others don't, Some may have specifically gay events. But there is no entry examination, and they're patronized by nudists - which is to say there's no policing of body type, and nudity isn't taken for sexual availability.
Possibly for one of the reasons some women avoid clothing optional resorts in general. Concern of arousing unwanted sexual attention from men. Perception may be different from reality, but it still does sometimes influence actions,
I suppose everyone is different. My wife wanted a caravan pitch at our naturist site, and we now have one there, but although she is getting more and more comfortable with being naked in th
e showers, pool hot tub etc, she wouldn't continue with naturism on her own.
My wife too got into it on account of me. But we enjoyed it together for years. She has in the last couple years showed little interest in our local resort other than going for supper or a cart ride to see friends. She hasn't even lifted her shirt alone remove it anymore. I know if I wasn't around she wouldn't go at all. Her sister when she goes with her husband does it only for the social aspect and does not allow nudity in their home. Including themselves. We have members of our resort whose spouse has died and they fade away never to be seen again.
My wife too got into it on account of me. But we enjoyed it together for years. She has in the last couple years showed little interest in our local resort other than going for supper or a cart ride to see friends. She hasn't even lifted her shirt alone remove it anymore. I know if I wasn't around she wouldn't go at all. Her sister when she goes with her husband does it only for the social aspect and does not allow nudity in their home. Including themselves. We have members of our resort whose spouse has died and they fade away never to be seen again.
Not even when they are the only ones there?
Seems unusual that someone who would go to a clothing optional resort would have a problem with her husband being nude when no one except the two of them were around.
A few days ago my wife reiterated something that many of us husbands already knew or themselves have heard: "if we ever separated/divorced, I'd never go to a nudist resort ever again."That didn't hurt my feeling at all; but it did lead to a few thoughts.Fairly early on, as I ventured into social nudism, I became aware of "single male stigma"; as many nudist men do. It seemed that in order to be "truly" accepted in an environment mostly populated by couples, I myself needed to be "coupled." Which put me in a position of having to "convince a wife." Some men will have some measure of success in accomplishing this; while many will not.This dynamic of wives being/feeling cast as an "admission ticket" into social nudism is not always a very healthy one IMHO. It can cause "pressure" - on both sides - that can lead to frustration and/or resentment. Especially when communication about it is not 100% constructive. When it isn't, the wife might interpret it as "my husband just wants people to see me naked."Even when an agreement is reached, the degree to which she agrees to participate might vary - depending on her comfort level; and it can lead to an interpersonal dynamic where the wife has a much greater degree of leverage - insofar as to the "where, when and how often" she participates. I remember discussing continuing nudism after my wife's first time; and her response being: "once a year - clothing-optional." I was so put off by the limitation that I considered just quitting. It felt like she was purposefully being difficult and was pulling a "power move." That can also be challenging to the relationship.Some husbands will learn to live with a dynamic of "the wife calling the shots" because "it's still better than being a single nudist male"; and I can understand that. But...a "I'm only here because of my husband" stance can lead to a "dysfunction." I've seen covered wives spend the entire day by the RV/Camper on their phones while the husband socialized naked in the pool area. Some will say: "well that works for us" or "that's the only way she'll agree to go." But my question would be: "Is it a happy time? Are you two feeling connected there?"To get back to my wife; she is vocal about going to the resort "because of her husband." And she did start out feeling that she was my "admission ticket" (sometimes even still feels that way). But along the way we continuously negotiated and revisited her comfort levels; and she found/admitted that she really enjoyed soaking/swimming and tanning naked. Socializing naked is still something she has "fluctuating levels of comfort" with; but she does stay naked and expresses confidence with it. But in situations where the wife participates but expresses an aversion to "open nudity", creating strict boundaries around it; or feels like the only reason she's there is so the husband can have his "naked social time" - well it doesn't always seem like a "healthy dynamic." I think maybe some more communication and "recalibrating" should occur.Just a thought...
As I've written/typed so many times before, seems my situation is not the exception but probably in the minority. I not only began my nudism journey in my mid-teens but talked about it with my gf/now wife back in HS after we'd dated for a while. She, surprisingly, was not shocked as she was intrigued. She had a grandmother that visited and was routinely nude throughout their home. Her father didn't hide his nudity after a shower or on the way to his bedroom afterwards. They didn't live as nudists but momentary, occasional nudity from bedroom to bath back to bedroom was not frowned upon.
So, when we got married and spent the entire weekend nude, it seemed as though we both just decided, without discussing it, that it was a more comfortable way to live. We did discuss it more openly and honestly after a while and my wife's response was, "I just figured we would live like this always. I like it and I feel more comfortable and freer." The idea that once we had children and they'd live as we did, was just automatically implied.
Social nudism came later. Di was content with living as a nudist and taking it from inside only to outside, early in our marriage. Becoming a backyard/patio nudist came easier than I thought. As long as I provided the privacy she required, she was good with being naked outside, sunning, swimming and even yard work. She said that it just felt right to be in the water without a suit on. We'd have gatherings with non-nudist friends and would use the hot tub. Di would sit it out because she said, "I don't want to wear a suit in the hot tub or the pool." She always had some other female friend that didn't want to wear a suit for fear of what she'd look like in it in mixed company, even with friends.
It was a visit to our local nude beach that convinced Di that social nudism was a way to actually be around others that lived like we did and did other normal things but just not wear clothes. Beaches, clubs, resorts were a regular thing for us but not until we'd been home nudists for 20 years. Eventually nude gatherings at our home and vacations with close nudist friends where we spent almost the entire time together nude and Di became more and more confident. Di made just as many of those plans for nude outings and beach, club and resorts visits as I did.
Nowadays, our social nudism planning is my idea. Di's not as eager to go places but doesn't not want to go, just not wanting to plan it. She prefers to meet our nudist friends someplace or just go someplace alone and not try to make new friends. She prefers to just let it happen naturally. If meeting someone works out, she's fine but doesn't seek out other couples or groups to join in conversation. She has expressed that if something happens to me, she'll continue to live as a nudist at home but will not visit beaches, clubs or resorts. She'd continue our friendships with our nudist friends but said her nudity around them would be limited to the hot tub or floating in a pool with the other women but the casual nudity we share sitting around talking or having meals, she'd most likely wear something.
She's never felt like my ticket into a nudist venue but rather as an equal partner in this nudist journey. I've never pushed Di to participate or visit places. I've shown her places that interest me in visiting and she's said, "yea, let's try that or, ehh, not really interested. Find someplace else." I've found that the more I let her be her idea, for nudist outings for the two of us, the more times we go.
My wife too got into it on account of me. But we enjoyed it together for years. She has in the last couple years showed little interest in our local resort other than going for supper or a cart ride to see friends. She hasn't even lifted her shirt alone remove it anymore. I know if I wasn't around she wouldn't go at all. Her sister when she goes with her husband does it only for the social aspect and does not allow nudity in their home. Including themselves. We have members of our resort whose spouse has died and they fade away never to be seen again.Not even when they are the only ones there?Seems unusual that someone who would go to a clothing optional resort would have a problem with her husband being nude when no one except the two of them were around.
My wife's change came about due to health conditions. She did for years enjoy being with me and being nude. She isn't opposed to nudity in any respect. Her sister on the otherhand....does many things to fulfill her need for social status. She doesn't at home and prefers when they visit our home that I stay clothed. Which I refuse to do. She restricts her husband too. Definitely odd.
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