My journey towards full body acceptance

Ever since my boobs grew too much to be able to pretend that they were not there and act like a boy and only wear a bottom on the beach, that is since I was 8 or 9, I became very shy about my body.

I grew very fast and very tall. At 11, I was 1m75 tall and already had small C cups, which means I was one head taller than all my colleagues and than most professors. Of course, all colleagues mocked me and my Mom took me to an endocrinologist. My body had started to attract men's eyes already when I was 9 and I knew it was not ok. For a couple of years I tried to hide it under ample clothes, then, in classic teen defiance I started on the contrary, to develop a classic, elegant look which would reveal my small waist. So I was displaying my hourglass silhouette but there was no question that someone could see me naked. Not even my mother.

I'll skip my sexual experiments from my teens (it's TN here, although you know, I don't think sex is shameful) -OK, just one piece of information, I first slept with a guy when I was 18 and it was mostly because of peer pression from my girlfriends, all of whom had already had sex; and of course I dumped the lucky guy immediately because he boasted everywhere that he had finally taken Flora's cherry - yes, in all modesty I was a bit of a star in highschool. He even gave lots of (false) details about my body - and that's because I had insisted on almost complete darkness and had not let him touch me down there. No, I don't have very big labia (in fact the opposite is true) and no, I had not sucked his cock.

Fast forward a decade later when I met D. He is quite the pervert, he had lots of authority over me and he wanted me dressed sexily in public and completely undressed in private. And of course, always sexualy available. He would sometimes spend a couple of hours, sometimes a couple of days at my place and I had to be constantly nude, and still quite shy about it. I didn't mind the sex part (oh, on the contrary!) but it was the first time a guy had so much access to my nudity. And ten times a day or more he would just casually bend me over something, find me already ready to receive him, give me a few orgasms and rarely finish himself just to be always ready.

I almost cried when I had to let my old washing machine and my old wooden table go, just seeing them always made me horny. I don't know why being bent and fucked over that old washing machine while it was working -even better, spinning - gave me such powerful orgasms. And so many times I served him dinner at that table while wearing only high heels and perfume only later to see the plates pushed aside, my nude body be put on the table face up and become the main dish and then the main toy... Unfortunately today I have a dryer over my washer and the current table is more fancy but far less comfortable.

But I'm straying towards sex again - although this is now marital sex which even the Bible approves of, so why wouldn't nudists.

Whatever. This was my first experience with full-time nudity in front of a man. And then, the same man man basically forced me out of my swimsuit on an improbable clothing-optional (99% nudist) beach. To a certain extent, it was intriguing and interesting to see all those beautiful women naked and all those exposed male bits. I've always been more interested to look at naked ladies but in terms of genitalia, I do like men's better. Hell, when I was 5 or 6 and my parents kept me naked on an Atlantic beach I was so ashamed that I was missing that part. But about my love-hate relation with male bits and why I like to see them in a nudist context but I don't like to receive dick pics (no, really guys, thanks but no thanks) maybe in another topic.

So back to that beach. A few moments later, while I was accommodating in my bikini, D asked me to go topless. I accepted and turned face down but I still felt the odd one out. The sun was strong, it was in the afternoon and I needed to go in the water to cool down. D said sure, but without those ridiculous bottoms. I was already up and I hesitated. I pulled them down a bit and I felt that everyone was looking at me. Which they probably did, I was so obviously shy and novices attract attention. After a few seconds with my pants revealing only half of my pubis, I took a deep breath, I closed my eyes and discarded that piece of fabric. D was holding my hand so I couldn't run to the water but I had very long hair which would have covered me if it weren't for that silly wind. So I covered my breasts with the available arm and only when I got into the water I understood. The feeling of the cool water on my woman bits was so fresh, so good, so liberating. I could only kiss D and mutter "it's extraordinary". We stayed in the water for a long time and when we walked back my hair was wet and wouldn't cover anything any longer but I also didn't care to use my arms for cover. By the time we got to our towels the sun rays caressing all my body had almost dried me out. No padded bra to keep your breasts unpleasantly cold, no wet bottoms on your buttocks and intimacy. I was hooked.

I let D take the first pic of me naked almost one year after my first social nudist experience. Then we visited Cap d'Agde twice before and once after COVID and we did silly things there. It was at about that time that I accepted that D films and takes pics of our sexual life. And yes, he does use and abuse a camera during sex. Some of the pics came out quite nice and erotic. I liked them, they still arouse me when I see them.

But other than that, I was shy about showing my most intimate bit. Yes, I call it a pussy because English is my fifth language and I don't have any prejudice about the term - I actually like it- and I believe that vulva or vagina (the latter being a very inaccurate term) sounds very medical. Calling my pussy a vulva is like calling me a female. It's technically true, but these terms are more appropriate for a cow than for a lady.

So from my first nudist holidays I came back with white patches on my inner thighs from always keeping my knees together. Except during sex, D is also not very interested in taking open-leg pics. He prefers to shoot me while dancing (I was a quite successful competitive ballroom dancer in my teens and early twenties). When I exchanged pics with another lady in this group and she asked me for a pussy shot I could find none at hand and I had to extract a still from a video.

It is probably my presence on this site which made me comfortable with full exposure. I saw how much (most) men appreciate open leg pics and realised that my reluctance to reveal that bit of my anatomy was silly. I have nothing very special and definitely nothing very impressive down there. Like half of the 4 billion women on planet Earth, I am a Barbie and you can only see something inside if I am very open or very aroused. So, on beaches I stopped putting my legs together when I noticed that a guy passes by just to see "it". On the contrary, when a guy with whom I socialize first sees me naked - be that an old friend or someone we have just befriended- I realised that there were many unease moments, many furtive looks towards that part of my anatomy. So now I'll make sure that he can see "me" early so that he can relax. I'll keep my legs a bit farther apart than strictly necessary, I'll bend over to pick up something or go on my four to straighten a towel, keep my legs apart instead of crossed when sitting on a chair etc. Only after satisfied that they have seen "it" can we have normal conversations again.

This also goes for my experience in modelling. I modelled for six guys up to now. D, a German semi-pro picked up from a specialised site just to make a point, my partner in photographic crime T, and 3 partners of girlfriends who had modelled for me (and D/T) so I returned the favour. With the exception of D, they all wanted me open legged early in the process and for a long time.

Let's face it guys. When you shoot a naked lady it's more about eroticism than aesthetics. Having a good degree of control over our naked bodies and giving us directions which we follow aroused you. And you will always go to our limits and try to push the edge of the envelope. It the model has said that she is ok with open legs, you will keep her like that most of the time. I can still do the splits (with a bit of warmup) so this is an extra element of attraction for guys. And after open legs you will insist about insertions. If she says she is OK with insertions you will insist about touching her - or be touched by her. And so on.

I don't like insertions but I accepted to do it a couple of times. I don't like dildoes - I have a couple which were given to me as funny presents and I use them as props only when I am behind the camera. I did use butt plugs when in Cap and I think they are sexy so I'm more comfortable with posing with them.

And yes, I started to shoot erotica, which includes, depending on the acceptance of my models (who ar mostly my girlfriends and a few aspiring photo models) simulated (sometimes barely simulated) sex acts - and a few times pornart. And also did model some.

So here it is. My journey from being very shy to being very extroverted about my nudity and eroticism. Like most nudists I guess, for me there is a non-erotic side of nudity (I don't normally think of sex or get aroused on a nudist beach) but I believe that nudism does, to a certain extent, enhance your sex life. On the one hand, spending one day in the nude (especially, but not only) in a social context will likely increase the frequency of your sexual relations with your partner. On the other, losing inhibitions about nudity may make you explore more erotic sides of nude social interactions. You will be more likely to go into nude massage (yes, there is eroticism in that even without happy endings), nude photoshooting or modelling, erotic games and even swinging. Of course, most nudists will refrain from what can be seen as a slippery slope and almost all will claim that there is no relation between nudity and sexuality. Which is only partly true. Meaning there is no relation for some, there is a denial and refrain from some who are however tempted, and a bit more for some others. And of course I believe that men are more tempted than women to go towards "the dark side", the erotic part of nudism. Which doesn't mean that some women don't experiment that too.

Because in the end it's just a body, guys. We all have one. If you like to expose yours to the elements or to the sight of others in a strictly naturist, fully no-sex context this is fine by me. If you prefer to still feel a bit elegant and attractive even when naked, like I do (and this is why I created the first version of this group) why be judged. And if you want to go deeper into the rabbit hole towards eroticism who am I to judge. It's just sex, we all do it and without it we wouldn't be here to discuss about the relation between nudity and sexuality.

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