Sorry not quite PC

Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite - All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.__________Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist with insomnia? He laid awake all night wondering if there was dog__________I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.__________After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Jim woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realised he had made it home safely.__________Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year". Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."__________My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.__________Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.__________I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.__________After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy.Nothing.__________Just had my water bill of 175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just 2 a month: time to change supplier I think.__________Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes.I think they were those Hovis Witnesses.__________Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.__________A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt .Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche...__________Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Year's Riots....Your One Year Manufacturer's Warranty Runs Out Soon.__________ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY"And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel!!!__________Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.Both in hospital...one's in a korma.. The other's got a dodgy tikka!__________In the first few days of the Athletic World Championships the Romanians took gold, silver, bronze, copper, lead and several cars.__________Sailing results are in, GB took gold, USA took silver and Somalia took a Middle aged couple from Weymouth .__________An Englishman has started his own business in Afghanistan ! He is making land Mines that look like prayer mats! Its doing well! Prophets are going through the roof!!__________Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.__________A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'Granny replies, blow the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!__________ A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband: 'I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment.'He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'__________Wife gets naked and asks hubby, 'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?'Hubby looks her up and down and replies, 'Your sense of humour!

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