TH
thomasstierneyصاحب المنشور
Jun 6, 2012One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
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- THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورJan 10, 2013My ex came into the living room and asked, "Whats on the TV?" I guess I should not have said, "Dust."تفاعلرد
- THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورJan 11, 2013I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.تفاعلرد
- THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورJan 12, 2013"Don't feed the coyotes." "If you do they will eat your pets."
I have heard this many, many times.
Let's think about that.
If I DO feed the coyotes they will NOT be hungry but WILL eat my pets.
If I DO NOT feed the coyotes they WILL be hungry and WILL NOT eat my pets?
It is a good thing I do not have any pets.تفاعلرد - THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورJan 15, 2013I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.تفاعلرد
- THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورJan 17, 2013I hate the part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.تفاعلرد
- THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورJan 18, 2013I just read that scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons & electrons. they forgot to mention morons!تفاعلرد
- THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورJan 19, 2013I'm writing a book about the recession - It starts with Chapter 11.تفاعلرد
- THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورJan 20, 2013When I was married I would think about my death once in a while. My ex was really morbid she thought about it all the time.تفاعلرد
- THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورJan 21, 2013Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser and booze makes you not remember any of that crap.تفاعلرد
- THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورJan 22, 2013On the internet you can be anything you want. Its strange so many people choose to be stupid.تفاعلرد
- MA
Jan 22, 2013If not for the internet, we may never have known that 98% of people are stupid.تفاعلرد - THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورJan 24, 2013One night I asked my ex what was wrong. She didn't stop talking for three days.تفاعلرد
- THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورJan 27, 2013How come opportunity only knocks once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.تفاعلرد
- THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورJan 29, 2013One day I caught my ex watching a cooking show on TV. I laughed and said,
"Why?" "You're a lousy cook." She snarled and said, "You watch porn."تفاعلرد - THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورJan 29, 2013My ex asked, "Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet?"
I told her, "They will, it just doesn't need cleaning yet."تفاعلرد - THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورFeb 2, 2013One night my girl friend told me she was pregnant; I wonder whatever happened to her.تفاعلرد
- THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورFeb 4, 2013I didn't want to leave home and get married. I had two sisters at home to take care of all my needs. Luckily they weren't my sisters.تفاعلرد
- THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورFeb 4, 2013My ex said she wanted two men. One to cook and one to clean.تفاعلرد
- THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورFeb 4, 2013My ex asked, "How do I boil water in that old fashioned Microwave?" I told her, "That's an oven."تفاعلرد
- THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورFeb 4, 2013My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.تفاعلرد
- THthomasstierneyصاحب المنشورFeb 6, 2013I'm old and tired, but I got to see Frank, Dino and Sammy live.تفاعلرد
- MAFeb 7, 2013Did you hear about the guy who screwed his sister-in-law?
He had it in for his brotherتفاعلرد