TH
thomasstierneyUrsprünglicher Verfasser
Jun 6, 2012One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
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- MA
Apr 26, 2013Friends and good manners will carry you where money won't go.ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 26, 2013“Money isn't everything...but it ranks right up there with oxygen.â€
~Rita DavenportReagierenAntworten - MAApr 26, 2013A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart.
Jonathan Swift.ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 26, 2013Money may not buy happiness, but I'd rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.
~Francoise SaganReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 27, 2013My ex and I were not talking, again! I left her a note saying, "Please wake me at 5 a.m.".
I woke up at 9 a.m. She was gone, but she had left a note. It read, "It is 5 a.m., wake up."ReagierenAntworten - MAApr 27, 2013My wife said I kept her awake with my snoring all night. I said that " that wasn't me, it was my girlfriend "ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 27, 2013A question for the ladies: 'If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?'ReagierenAntworten
- MAApr 27, 2013The world's first one-liner - "Stand back Eve - I don't know how big this is gonna get."ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 27, 2013Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.ReagierenAntworten
- MAApr 27, 2013A poor man may not have a butler, but he can have as many maids as he wants.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 28, 2013The word "listen" contains the same letters as the word "silent".ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 30, 2013Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day;
teach him to use the a computer and he won't bother you for weeks.ReagierenAntworten - MAApr 30, 2013The only reason your husband likes to go fishing so much is that it's the only time he hears someone tell him, "Wow, that's a big one !"ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserMay 1, 2013He who laughs last didn't get the joke.ReagierenAntworten
- MAMay 1, 2013Sometimes we know we shouldn't and thats exactly why we do.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserMay 1, 2013I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.ReagierenAntworten
- MAMay 2, 2013The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserMay 2, 2013Once upon a time, one day long,
long ago, there lived a woman who
did not whine, nag or complain...
But this was a long time ago...
and it was just one day.ReagierenAntworten - MAMay 3, 2013Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an alter boy.ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserMay 4, 2013Five out of four people have problems with fractions.ReagierenAntworten
- MAMay 4, 2013Nothing can confound a wise man more than laughter from adunce.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserMay 4, 2013Be careful whose toes you step on today, they might be attached to the ass you have to kiss tomorrow.ReagierenAntworten
- MAMay 4, 2013The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserMay 4, 2013One reason the Military Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language.
For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building,"
They would turn off the lights and lock the doors.
The Army would occupy the building so no one could enter.
Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.
The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.ReagierenAntworten