"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
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- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserOct 24, 2018You know you really love someone when you dont hate them for breaking your heartReagierenAntworten
- CNOct 25, 2018
Lift the corners of your mouth and smile. If you can't manage that just let the middle droop.
ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserOct 26, 2018H202 VS H2OTwo chemists walk into a bar. The first says, Can I have a glass of H2O. The second chemist says Can I have a glass of water too. The first chemist broke down in tears his assassination attempt had failed.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserNov 1, 2018"I bought a racehorse today." "Oh, really? What is the horse's name, gender, timing, and what are you going to do with him?? "I've decided to call him 'My Face.' He is male, runs a mile in just under a minute. I don't care if he doesn't win a race or if he makes me any money." "Then why'nthehell did ya buy him?? I just want to hear thousands of those uppity posh bitches at the race course shouting: 'Come on, My Face!' GOD I'd love to hear that!"ReagierenAntworten
- MA
Nov 1, 2018What if birds arent singing and theyre screaming because they are afraid of the heights?ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserNov 4, 2018Wife: "No, I'm telling you, I'm right! He couldn't eat the Trix because he was an adult rabbit and Trix were only supposed to be for kids." Husband: "Well, I always thought it was just because he was a rabbit and not a person." [A period of silence -- the wife looks down at her food.] Husband: "What's wrong?" Wife: "I'm just really getting tired of you always being wrong."ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserNov 7, 2018
Doctor: How many drinks per week?
Me: How should I know? I'm an alcoholic, not an accountant.ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserNov 7, 2018Father: Son, you were adopted. Son: What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents! Father: We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserNov 16, 2018
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2018/09/07/study-two-thirds-millenials-sleep-nude/1225852002/
ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserNov 30, 2018Sometimes as Im browsing through a book store Ill find a book that I have read. I glance through it. I see old friends. Im happy to have seen them. Im smiling as place the book back on the shelf.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserDec 13, 2018A woman sitting at her deceased husband's funeral. A man leans in to her and ask, "Do you mind if I say a word?" "No, go right ahead," the woman replies. The man stands and clears his throat, then says "Plethora" and sits back down. "Thanks," the woman says, "that means a lot."ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserDec 14, 2018There were two old men sitting on a park bench. A blonde woman walks by. One old man says to the other one, "Ever sleep with a blonde?" The other old man says, "Many a time. Many a time." A brunette then walks by. The old man says to the other, "Ever sleep with a brunette?" The other old man says, "Many a time. Many a time." A redhead walks by, and the old man says to the other, "Ever sleep with a redhead?" The other old man says, "Not a wink."ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserDec 14, 2018[quote]Sometimes as I'm browsing through a book store I'll find a book that I have read. I glance through it. I see old friends. I'm happy to have seen them. I'm smiling as I place the book back on the shelf.[/quote]ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserDec 28, 2018Yesterday ,12-26-2019, As I walked through the kitchen area I heard a coin land on the floor. I stopped and looked down. I found a penny lying there. Where did it come from?
[em][strong]
SORRY FOR THE TYPO --- THE CORRECT DATE IS 12-26-2018[/strong][/em]ReagierenAntworten - KO
Jan 10, 2019Some people who are paid a penny for their thoughts are grossly overpaid. ;-)
ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserJan 16, 2019A lassie got married in Leicester. Her mother kissed her as she blessed her. Said she, "you're in luck, He's a bloody good fuck, For I've screwed him myself down in Chester.ReagierenAntworten
- LA
Jan 16, 2019[quote]Yesterday ,12-26-2019, As I walked through the kitchen area I heard a coin land on the floor. I stopped and looked down. I found a penny lying there. Where did it come from?[/quote] The mint where it was made.ReagierenAntworten - LAJan 16, 2019[quote]Yesterday ,12-26-2019,?[/quote] That is almost a year into the future since today is 01-16-2019.ReagierenAntworten
- BI
Jan 16, 2019It was about 2:00 a.m. one night when a man was pulled over by the police for a minor traffic infraction. When asked where he was going at that hour, the man said he was on his way to a lecture about the evils of alcohol, smoking, and staying out late at night.
The somewhat skeptical police officer then asked who might be giving such a lecture in the wee hours of the morning.
The man replied, That would be my wife.
The officer let him go.
ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserJan 16, 2019[quote]Yesterday ,12-26-2019,? That is almost a year into the future since today is 01-16-2019.[/quote]
[em][strong]
SORRY FOR THE TYPO --- THE CORRECT DATE IS 12-26-2018[/strong][/em]ReagierenAntworten - BIFeb 7, 2019
A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks Why in the world are you walking around like this?
The cowboy says, Well its like this Sheriff I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.
We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt So I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants.So I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shortsso I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, Now go to town, cowboy.
So here I am.
ReagierenAntworten - GA
Feb 7, 2019Q: Why is it you never see bicycles standing up without a kick stand?
A: Because they are too tired... Bada-boom-dish-da! DAD Jokes FTW!
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