"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
Replies
- MA
Oct 5, 2017What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do at night? He stays up wondering if there really is a dog.
ReactReply - KO
Nov 3, 2017Post #1458 -[quote]Hmmm. John McCain had a long military career. He is now fighting cancer in the brain. As a military veteran he is eligible for VA care. He has chosen instead to seek treatment at a private medical institute that is not even an official Medicare provider. To me this speaks volumes. Not about John McCain but of the medical care one receives at the VA. Pity the poor veteran who can't afford a private hospital. -- Post # 1459-- No. It also speaks of John McCain. He was in a position for MANY years to improve VA care. The veterans deserve so much more.[/quote] It's too bad that bad politicians can't be removed from office and sent packing... especially when they REFUSE to do what they PROMISED to do! :-/ReactReply - KONov 9, 2017
Do nudists like their salads naked... without any dressing? ... for example... Do you prefer French, Thousand Island, vinegar and oil -or- no dressing at all? ;-)
ReactReply - KONov 11, 2017
Did the guy who invented the Mobius Strip ever have a sense of Deja vu? ;-)
ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterNov 11, 2017Deja clue:The feeling that colonel mustard has done it in the billiard room with the lead pipe before.ReactReply
- THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterDec 10, 2017
I have discovered the answer to a question that has been puzzling scientists for hundreds of years. What is the exact difference between a split second and a nanosecond?
My girlfriend and I were getting ready to go to a fancy dinner when, right as we were about to leave home, my girlfriend asked me the question all guys dread. She asked, Does this dress look bad on me?
If I had said no in a nanosecond, wed have been out the door. However, since I took a split second before responding, she had to go back up to her closet to change, again.ReactReply - LA
Dec 10, 2017[quote] My girlfriend and I were getting ready to go to a fancy dinner when, right as we were about to leave home, my girlfriend asked me the question all guys dread. She asked, Does this dress look bad on me?[/quote] Best answer in this case is to say ALL dresses look bad on you, you look better naked. Then see what she does about it.ReactReply - KODec 15, 2017
I used to be a radio announcer... every time I walked under a bridge, I lost my voice ;-)
ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterDec 17, 2017
A man brought some prescription tablets and started cutting off the edges.
Do you know why?
He wanted to avoid the side effects.ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterDec 22, 2017Ladies, do you want to make his Christmas unforgettable?1. Trim his tree. 2. Lick his luscious candy cane. 3. Be his "ho-ho-ho" for the holidays. 4. Polish his Christmas balls. 5. Ride him like a reindeer. 6. Taste his sweet egg-nog. 7. Deck the halls with moans of pleasure. 8. Fa, la, la, latio - la, la, la, la. 9. Spark his menorah with a hot strip tease. 10. Request a stiff stocking stuff-her! 11. Make his Kris Kringle tingle. 12. Gift wrap yourself in sexy lingerie. 13. Unwrap his package. 14. Hang mistletoe from any place you want kissed. 15. Rock his jingle bells in the frosty air. 16. Make your Rudolph's hose as red as his nose. 17. Heat him up with a snow job. 18. Give the Christmas carolers a show of your own. 19. Dress up as Santa's nasty little helper. 20. Make sure you're naughty, so it's nice.ReactReply
- THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterDec 25, 2017Why do the bad guys, kidnappers, embezzlers, blackmailers, etcetera, on Law & Order, Law & Order C.I., and Law & Order SVU deposit their ill-gotten gains into their bank accounts? Why do most of the bodies on Bones have something with a serial number on it? If a seed or a bug is found at a crime scene how come it could only come from one location in the whole wide world?ReactReply
- THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterJan 4, 2018A duck is standing next to a busy road, cars zooming past while he waits for a break in traffic so he can cross the road. A chicken walks up to him and says, "Don't do it, man. You'll never hear the end of it."ReactReply
- MA
Jan 6, 2018Thomas, keep em coming. those last two at least deserve a sincere moan. thanks for the chuckle.
ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterJan 6, 2018I happened to meet a marriage broker while drinking at a local bar. When he heard I was divorced, He said, Dont let it get too late. I have exactly the woman you need. You only have to say the word and you'll meet and be married in no time!" "Don't bother," I replied "I've two sisters at home, who look after all my needs....I am happy with that arrangement." "That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife." "I said 'two sisters'.... I didn't say they were mine!"ReactReply
- A_
Jan 18, 2018Year end statistics on Airport pat-down screening from the Atlanta airport TSA office:
Terrorist Plots Discovered 0
Transvestites 133
Hernias 1,485
Hemorrhoid Cases 3,172
Incontinence 6,418
Enlarged Prostates 8,249
Breast Implants 159,350
Natural Blondes 3I think it's a hoax, there aren't that many natural blondes in Georgia!
ReactReply - MA
Mar 30, 2018The Boston Globe reported that according to his campaign staff, Donald Trump wouldn't take any vacations as president. That's because he has offended so many other countries he can't leave this one.ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterApr 6, 2018Three racehorses standing around started arguing. The first said, Ive won 15 out of 20 of my races! The second said, Yeah, well Ive won 29 out of 30 of my races! The third said, Yeah, well Ive won 39 out of 40 of my races! Then, a greyhound came up and said, Oh yeah! Well, Ive won 99 out of 100 of my races! The horses glared in amazement. Wow! A talking greyhoundReactReply
- THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterApr 12, 2018If I were a breast implant plastic surgeon I would put a squeaky tool in every boob.ReactReply
- MAApr 12, 2018[quote]If I were a breast implant plastic surgeon I would put a squeaky tool in every boob.[/quote]I just choked on my cup of tea, reading this. You've put a smile on my face for the rest of the day.ReactReply
- RE
Apr 28, 2018Q; What did the sun say to the nude beach goer?
A: "i'm gonna tan yer hide"
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