"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
Replies
- LA
Feb 27, 2017Sucks for other countries in the short term. Its time we fix our own problems before trying to solve everybody else's.
ReactReply - A_
Feb 27, 2017The country problem will never be fixed as he is only interested in him self and his friends.
ReactReply - FU
Feb 28, 2017Nope, if you go to isolationism, tariffs, and not working with other countries the ones that get hurt are the American people. History proves that. Trump is an absolute disaster and you will regret supporting him when his policies etc get in place and have been in for a while. Most economists have said things may get better for a short while if he gets his way but then the economy will fall off a cliff with a d clinging economy AND inflation.
Enough said here. We need to get back to the topic of this thread, random thoughts and jokes....
Why do we call the showers in our homes showers when they put out more water than a heavy rain instead of a light shower?
ReactReply - LA
Feb 28, 2017[quote] Why do we call the showers in our homes showers when they put out more water than a heavy rain instead of a light shower?[/quote] If you have perfectly CLEAR glass doors installed and a seating arrangement set up, you could call it a show-er if you invited others to take a seat while you wash.ReactReply - A_Feb 28, 2017[quote]Why do we call the showers in our homes showers when they put out more water than a heavy rain instead of a light shower? If you have perfectly CLEAR glass doors installed and a seating arrangement set up, you could call it a show-er if you invited others to take a seat while you wash.[/quote] So you can call yourself an exhibitionists.ReactReply
- MA
Feb 28, 2017[quote]Why do we call the showers in our homes showers when they put out more water than a heavy rain instead of a light shower? If you have perfectly CLEAR glass doors installed and a seating arrangement set up, you could call it a show-er if you invited others to take a seat while you wash.[/quote]Could call them Body Jets, but if shortened to BJ's, might give people the wrong idea.ReactReply - LAMar 4, 2017[quote]Almost all serial killers are men. That's because women like to kill one man slowly over many, many years[/quote] I used to be a cereal killer, Rice Crispies, Frosted Flakes, Cap'n Crunch, Corn Pops, Fruit Loops, you name it, I probably killed some of it.ReactReply
- BI
Mar 4, 2017I just got back from a pleasure trip,Took my mother-in-law to the airport!
ReactReply - MAMar 16, 2017[quote]OCD: Old, Cranky and Dangerous[/quote]Stop talking about my wife.ReactReply
- THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterMar 21, 2017The Hebrew teacher says to her class, "We have recently been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?" "Aces," says Sarah.ReactReply
- MAMar 21, 2017[quote]The Hebrew teacher says to her class, "We have recently been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?" "Aces," says Sarah.[/quote]But they elected the JokerReactReply
- THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterMar 21, 2017[quote]The Hebrew teacher says to her class, "We have recentlybeen learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times.But, there is a higher power.Can anybody tell me what it is?""Aces," says Sarah. But they elected the Joker[/quote] Not the people - The Electoral CollegeReactReply
- LAMar 21, 2017[quote]The Hebrew teacher says to her class, "We have recentlybeen learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times.But, there is a higher power.Can anybody tell me what it is?""Aces," says Sarah. But they elected the Joker[/quote] Things were bad under David Cameron, but seem better with Theresa May.ReactReply
- KO
Apr 8, 2017If some people are offended by nudity, does that mean they bathe with their clothes on? ?
ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterApr 10, 2017
The king wanted to go fishing. He called on the royal weather
forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next
few hours. The weatherman assured him that there was no
chance of rain in the coming days.So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen. On the way
he met a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the king the farmer
said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace! In just a
short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area".The king was polite and considerate, he replied: "I hold the
palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated
and experienced professional. And besides, I pay him very high
wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him."So the king continued on his way. However, a short time later a
torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally
soaked and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a
shameful condition. Furious, the king returned to the palace and
gave the order to fire the professional.Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and
high paying role of royal forecaster. The farmer said, "Your Majesty,
I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information
from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with
certainty that it will rain."So the king hired the donkey.
And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in the
government and occupy its highest and most influential positions.ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterApr 16, 2017
You know when you get that urge to eat something, just because it's there?
Well, that's why I'm no longer a gynecologist.ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterMay 12, 2017
Politicians are people who, before election, promise a car to every garage.
And after election they get busy putting up parking meters.ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterJul 8, 2017[strong]The flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the Captain immediately.
Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty, hot and sexy female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened... and the man she is with is an old slob who looks like a lecher: very sullen, mean and dangerous!
The captain responds, Donna, Ive told you this before. This is Air Force One....
[/strong]ReactReply
