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thomasstierney

Humor and Fun

Random thoughts and jokes

Publicado Jun 6, 2012

Respuestas1438
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TH
thomasstierney
thomasstierneyAutor original
Jun 6, 2012
One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"

She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."

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Respuestas

  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyAutor original
    Jan 10, 2013
    My ex came into the living room and asked, "Whats on the TV?"  I guess I should not have said, "Dust."
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Jan 10, 2013
    A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyAutor original
    Jan 11, 2013
    I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyAutor original
    Jan 12, 2013
    "Don't feed the coyotes." "If you do they will eat your pets."
    I have heard this many, many times.
    Let's think about that.
    If I DO feed the coyotes they will NOT be hungry but WILL eat my pets.
    If I DO NOT feed the coyotes they WILL be hungry and WILL NOT eat my pets?
    It is a good thing I do not have any pets.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyAutor original
    Jan 15, 2013
    I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyAutor original
    Jan 17, 2013
    I hate the part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyAutor original
    Jan 18, 2013
    I just read that scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons & electrons.  they forgot to mention morons!

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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyAutor original
    Jan 19, 2013
    I'm writing a book about the recession - It starts with Chapter 11.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyAutor original
    Jan 20, 2013
    When I was married I would think about my death once in a while. My ex was really morbid she thought about it all the time.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyAutor original
    Jan 21, 2013
    Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser and booze makes you not remember any of that crap.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyAutor original
    Jan 22, 2013
    On the internet you can be anything you want. Its strange so many people choose to be stupid.
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Jan 22, 2013
    If not for the internet, we may never have known that 98% of people are stupid.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyAutor original
    Jan 24, 2013
    One night I asked my ex what was wrong. She didn't stop talking for three days.

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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyAutor original
    Jan 27, 2013
    How come opportunity only knocks once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyAutor original
    Jan 29, 2013
    One day I caught my ex watching a cooking show on TV. I laughed and said,
    "Why?"  "You're a lousy cook." She snarled and said, "You watch porn."
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyAutor original
    Jan 29, 2013
    My ex asked, "Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet?"
    I told her, "They will, it just doesn't need cleaning yet."
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyAutor original
    Feb 2, 2013
    One night my girl friend told me she was pregnant; I wonder whatever happened to her.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyAutor original
    Feb 4, 2013
    I didn't want to leave home and get married. I had two sisters at home to take care of all my needs. Luckily they weren't my sisters.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyAutor original
    Feb 4, 2013
    My ex said she wanted two men. One to cook and one to clean.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyAutor original
    Feb 4, 2013
    My ex asked, "How do I boil water in that old fashioned Microwave?"  I told her, "That's an oven."
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyAutor original
    Feb 4, 2013
    My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyAutor original
    Feb 6, 2013
    I'm old and tired, but I got to see Frank, Dino and Sammy live.

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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Feb 7, 2013
    Did you hear about the guy who screwed his sister-in-law?
    He had it in for his brother
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  • TH
    thomasstierney
    thomasstierneyAutor original
    Feb 8, 2013
    Does running late count as exercise?
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