TH
thomasstierneyAutor original
Jun 6, 2012One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
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May 12, 2013If you father is a poor man, it's your fate, but if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity.ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalMay 13, 2013The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.ReaccionarResponder
- MAMay 13, 2013My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalMay 13, 2013There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.ReaccionarResponder
- MAMay 13, 2013I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalMay 13, 2013Become an amateur gynecologist. Look up a friend today.ReaccionarResponder
- MAMay 13, 2013Q. What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?
A. The older they get the easier they are to pick up.ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalMay 14, 2013Dolphins are so intelligent that within a few weeks of captivity they can train a man to stand on the edge of their pool and throw them fish three times a day.ReaccionarResponder
- MAMay 14, 2013Theres 10 times more fishing licenses sold than marriage licenses each year which proves fishing is 10 times more popular than marriage.ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalMay 15, 2013I told my ex that she drew her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalMay 17, 2013Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?ReaccionarResponder
- MAMay 17, 2013Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalMay 17, 2013My Ex was going away for a few days and left me a list of chores. For fun, she put down as Item 5: "Think about your wife a lot." After she returned, I reported that I had completed every job.
When she looked over the list, she noticed, each item EXCEPT No. 5 had been crossed off.
"What's this?" She yelled. "Didn't you think about me while I was gone?"
Thinking fast I replied cheerfully, "I started to, but just never finished."ReaccionarResponder - MAMay 18, 2013Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalMay 18, 2013I told my ex that she drew her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.ReaccionarResponder
- MAMay 18, 2013Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalMay 19, 2013If you mix flour, water and salt you get glue.
If you add eggs, baking powder and oil, you get cake.
Where does the glue go?ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalMay 19, 2013Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself - "Where the hell is the ceiling???"ReaccionarResponder
- MAMay 19, 2013Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalMay 20, 2013Some days I just don't have enough middle fingers for those that deserve it.ReaccionarResponder
- MAMay 20, 2013I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalMay 21, 2013Why can't life's problems hit us when we're 17 and know everything?ReaccionarResponder
- MAMay 21, 2013The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.ReaccionarResponder