TH
thomasstierneyAutor original
Jun 6, 2012One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
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- THthomasstierneyAutor originalJul 4, 2013I just wish more of my handcuff experiences involved sex...and not cops.ReaccionarResponder
- MA
Jul 5, 2013An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician.ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalJul 5, 2013Confucius Says: Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.ReaccionarResponder
- MAJul 5, 2013Confucius say getting sick at the airport, could be a terminal illness.ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalJul 5, 2013There are two kinds of people who never amount to much:
those who cannot do what they are told, and those who can do nothing else.
~ Cyrus Curtis, 1850 - 1933ReaccionarResponder - MAJul 5, 2013Confucius say man who drive like hell bound to get there.ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalJul 5, 2013“He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at.â€
~ EpictetusReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalJul 6, 2013How to start the day and feel really good:
* Open a new file on your computer.
* Entitle it "Housework."
* Place it in the Recycle Bin.
* Empty the Recycle Bin.
* Your computer will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?"
Answer "Yes" and click the left mouse button firmly.ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalJul 8, 2013A converted cannibal is one who, on Friday, eats only fishermen.~ Emily LotneyReaccionarResponder
- MAJul 8, 2013Beware of the converted vegetarian cannibal who likes nuts.ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalJul 8, 2013A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."ReaccionarResponder
- MAJul 8, 2013If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalJul 8, 2013[url=http://www.just-one-liners.com/marriage/1202][/url]Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later, and for another thing, they die earlier.H.L. Mencken[url=http://www.just-one-liners.com/ppl/mencken][/url]ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalJul 9, 2013Michael Douglas sparked a firestorm recently claiming that he caught throat cancer by giving oral sex to his wife.
It begs two obvious questions.
Is this a sound medical diagnosis
or is Michael Douglas just the latest Democrat to blame everything on Bush?ReaccionarResponder - MAJul 11, 2013Sam: "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?"
Teacher: "No, of course not."
Sam: "Good, because I didn't do my homework.ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalJul 11, 2013Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?"
Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question."
Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?
Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal?"ReaccionarResponder - MAJul 11, 2013The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
Flora blushes and says, "That’s disgusting, I won’t even answer that question."
The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
"That’s easy," says Johnny. "It’s the pupil of the eye."
"Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That’s correct."
She then turns to Flora and says, "First, you didn’t do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you’re in for a BIG disappointment."ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalJul 11, 2013“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.â€
~ Marilyn MonroeReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalJul 12, 2013Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin - it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring.ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalJul 13, 2013What's past is prologue, and the world awaits.ReaccionarResponder
- MAJul 13, 2013I sometimes watch birds and wonder 'If I could fly who would I shit on?'ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalJul 13, 2013My ex was an excellent housekeeper. Every time she got divorced, she kept the house.ReaccionarResponder