TH
thomasstierneyOriginal Poster
Jun 6, 2012One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
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- THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterOct 11, 2012I knew I had a problem when the morning after our wedding night I overheard my wife talking to her sister on the phone. She whispered, "I'm glad I didn't throw my vibrator away."ReactReply
- THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterOct 13, 2012Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious.ReactReply
- THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterOct 13, 2012My ex told me when she says "No" she really means "Yes" but not with me.ReactReply
- THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterOct 13, 2012The Space Shuttle Endeavour has traveled more than 123 million miles at speeds of more than 17,000 miles per hour. Gets hung up in L. A. traffic.ReactReply
- THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterOct 18, 2012My ex never understood "even stevens", she overcooked the roast and I had sex with our neighbor; I figured we were even.ReactReply
- THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterOct 19, 2012I recently added a new word to my vocabulary,
"Exhaustipated"
Just too tired to "give a shit".ReactReply - MA
Oct 20, 2012In the car the other day, and my wife said, "You're going the wrong way, that's a no-entry" so I replied, "You didn't say that last night"ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterOct 21, 2012My ex said picking my nose was disgusting, - now I have to pick it myself.ReactReply
- THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterOct 21, 2012Men, when in an argument with a woman:
Ask yourself, Are you right? If No. Apologize. -
If Yes. - No, your not. Apologize.ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterOct 22, 2012My ex never lied about her age. She just told people she was five years younger than me.
Then she lied about my age.ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterOct 22, 2012One evening I took my ex aside and explained that I was leaving her because of illness. The truth is, I was just sick of her.ReactReply
- THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterOct 22, 2012A new study found that vegetarian cavemen died earlier than cavemen who ate meat.
Not from starvation - they were just murdered after they kept talking about why they became vegetarians.
~ Jimmy FallonReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterOct 23, 2012One evening I visited an ex, she complained that the goldfish I had bought her had epilepsy.
I watched it for a few minutes; I told her it looked fine to me. She said, "Well yeah, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterOct 24, 2012An ex was weird; she was angry about something, again, and refused
to have sex with me for weeks and then wanted to kill any woman who would.ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterOct 25, 2012I do not consider dawn to be an attractive experience - unless Im still up.ReactReply
- MAOct 25, 2012[quote]I do not consider dawn to be an attractive experience - unless Im still up.
[/quote]I have never had the pleasure of Dawn, is she nice ?ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterOct 25, 2012"I woke up this morning to the smell of coffee, bacon on the
grill, pancakes being made. I looked around. Dammit! I passed out in Denny's again!"ReactReply - MAOct 26, 2012[quote]"I woke up this morning to the smell of coffee, bacon on the
grill, pancakes being made. I looked around. Dammit! I passed out in Denny's again!"
[/quote][img src="http://fastfood.ocregister.com/files/2010/09/Out-of-Business-sign2.jpg">ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterOct 31, 2012She finally said "yes", then asked, "What do you want me to do?"
I replied, "I just don't want you to change your mind."ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterNov 1, 2012A new study says:
Your diet can kill you or wish it had.
There is one food that causes grief and suffering for years after eating it.
It's called "Wedding Cake".ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterNov 1, 2012The bartender asked why I looked worried. I replied. "Some ticked-off husband wrote to me, and said he would kill me if I didn't stop messing around with his wife, but the inconsiderate bastard didn't sign his name!"ReactReply