Experiences Convincing The Wife
I am sure the topic is here on TN, but I haven't found discussion or looked deep enough.
I am asking for any ideas or experiences that others may be able to share in convincing the wife that nudity is not necessarily a bad thing.
My wife is aware of my nudity around the pool, hot tub and certain times around the house. She knows that I have been on beaches naked. Slowly she has accepted some of what I do. However, she still thinks it's wrong.
She associates nudity with sex and can't understand why I am interested in being naked.
I have a strong desire to be involved in outdoor activities in the buff with buddies. Our property could be a paradise for some recreation. There seems to be a lot of guys within 90 minutes with similar interests that have no place to go for the freedom. So, how do I break the news or convince her that I want to be social with nudist buddies?
The second related issue is that she caught a very good nudist buddy and I cleaning the pool naked. (She didn't know that he was a nudist; I knew.)We had been working long days and both driving more than an hour to work an additional night job. We were operating on about 3-4 hours of sleep, the sun was inviting, I suggested that we take a nap in the lounge chairs beside the pool before heading to work. We stripped and decided to clean the pool before relaxing. That's when she pulled in the lane and flipped. She couldn't accept the fact that I would have been naked with a buddy. She does believe that it was not sexual but, can not understand why I would have been naked with a friend.
So, how can one combat her feelings, convince her that nudity is not a crime and get her to accept my nudity with buddies?
I appreciate any thoughts on what has worked with converting the spouse's thought of nudity being wrong.
I'm not sure this will help but let me share my story. Over 20 years ago I was married and my wife was very disapproving of me being nude anywhere. Since I slept naked and she didn't, my nudity was restricted to our bedroom/bathroom alone with the blinds drawn. She was paranoid that any neighbors would catch a glimpse of me naked. Instead of imposing my personal right to be naked in my own home, I felt as a loving husband, I would respect her wishes and with time I would win her over, the absolute opposite happened, the more I gave in to her crazy paranoia, the more restrictive she became demanding more and more, citing comments like, "if I truly loved her, I would do what she asked of me." It was constant and exhausting... In the end our marriage didn't survive despite all the giving in.
My recommendation to you my friend is, be loving and respectful of her concerns, tell her that you'd prefer to enjoy nudism with her, but since it's not for her, you will continue to enjoy nude hangouts with nudist friends instead but if it would make it more comfortable for her, you can certainly invite them over while she's home until she gets comfortable with the gatherings and she sees the hangouts are purely platonic.
Be aware your nudism will bring a wedge between you both the key is be loving, faithful, respectful but persistent.
Best of luck.
After reading your story, we have to ask you, at 54 years of age, are you actually OK?
Your wife comes home, and catches you being totally naked in the backyard with another "GUY", who happened to be a stranger to her.
You and some other guy, were taking a Nap together, totally naked? lol
Yup, that is sure something that every MARRIED 54 year old guy does, with another naked guy, while the wife is at work.
Your story sounds like just one of the many many JOing stories that has been repeated over and over again on this site.
Every guy that comes on this site, all think... that they have reinvented the wheel, with yet another BS angle to stroke to, as they get these people to buy into it.
At your age, do you not have any other concerns or issues or goals, that you are working towards or sharing with your own WIFE, besides your own selfish fantasies?
The list of stories and posts like yours, are never ending on this site, and most normal legit people on here, would just laugh for the most part.
Your wife obviously married the wrong guy.
If you were not totally Honest with her when you first met her, with your own one sided fantasies and your own desires to be lying around naked with other men, then at the age of 54... why the hell would you ever expect her to think that it is Ok now?
These MARRIED guys that come on here, and cry to all the deaf ears about their own wives, not being interested in their own kinks, is no one else's fault but their own.
All these Old MARRIED guys......All Married the wrong women?
If she wasn't into Nudity when you first married her, a million years ago now, the chances of her suddenly wanting to show off her Older age riddled body now, is just next to almost "0" of that ever happening.
You should be caring a lot more about what your wife wants, than what you and your other naked buddies are wanting you to do with them or too them.
Your wife should Kick Your Ass, for only thinking about yourself.....at your Age!
54 years old, and coming up with some lame story about you and your buddy taking a Nap Nude , before getting up to clean the pool? LOL
She should definitely Kick your Ass, and your buddies Ass, right out of "HER" house!
You are MARRIED buddy, the only person that you should ever be thinking about is, your own Wife and what makes "HER" Happy!
Hotharleycouple- Your point is well taken. However, I believe you missed the point of my writing.
I posted here on 'Truenudists' not 'Trueswingers'. There is no mention of JOing or my buddy being a complete stranger. I knew that he was a nudist, my wife didn't. Is anything wrong with needing a nap - on different lounges after each of us put in 20 hours a day on two jobs several days in a row?
I also specifically wrote of my desires for outdoor activities. They happen to be swimming, snorkeling, boating, kayaking, beaches, volleyball, horseshoes, rugby as well as others. Nothing begins with the letter "J".
Am I "selfish" for wanting to do anything outdoors naked if she doesn't?
Am I "selfish" if I grant her the right to at least two - 1 week minimum vacations a year with her friends?
Am I "selfish" for allowing her to attend concerts and an occasional conference with her friends?
Am I "selfish" for helping when the sink is full, laundry needs done ( I do almost all of it), or for cleaning the house when she is busy or tired?
Am I "selfish" because I take the couch when I am restless and tossing and turning in bed so she can get rest?
Did you read my profile?
My wife is the first person I list as my "Hero". How many others have done the same?
Your effort in writing is appreciated. You do have a couple of good points that I am pondering on.
BTW-"HER" house happens to be MY house (legally)- am I "selfish"?!
Well 1nakedfarmer, I don't believe it necessary for you to defend or justify your original post on this subject. When I read it I saw no reason not to take it at face value. I believe you clearly expressed the sentiments & experience of many of us who are in loving, healthy relationships with a wife that just does NOT get the enjoyment , pleasure, & fulfillment that our social nudist lifestyle brings.
To make it some bigger issue, insisting that two males enjoying social nudity together automatically involves some kind of sexual activity, is to dismiss the basic principles of naturism. That being Naked does NOT automatically equal sexuality.
The fact that you love & respect your wife enough to want to help her to understand speaks well of your character. That you were seeking advice as to how to encourage her to accept & embrace your nudist lifestyle speaks well of you wanting to advance & grow in your marriage relationship rather than having it grow apart.
Thank you for raising this quite common issue & articulating your case so well.
The answer to YOUR question is one which MANY of us also seek.
I am sure the topic is here on TN, but I haven't found discussion or looked deep enough.I am asking for any ideas or experiences that others may be able to share in convincing the wife that nudity is not necessarily a bad thing.My wife is aware of my nudity around the pool, hot tub and certain times around the house. She knows that I have been on beaches naked. Slowly she has accepted some of what I do. However, she still thinks it's wrong.She associates nudity with sex and can't understand why I am interested in being naked.I have a strong desire to be involved in outdoor activities in the buff with buddies. Our property could be a paradise for some recreation. There seems to be a lot of guys within 90 minutes with similar interests that have no place to go for the freedom. So, how do I break the news or convince her that I want to be social with nudist buddies?The second related issue is that she caught a very good nudist buddy and I cleaning the pool naked. (She didn't know that he was a nudist; I knew.)We had been working long days and both driving more than an hour to work an additional night job. We were operating on about 3-4 hours of sleep, the sun was inviting, I suggested that we take a nap in the lounge chairs beside the pool before heading to work. We stripped and decided to clean the pool before relaxing. That's when she pulled in the lane and flipped. She couldn't accept the fact that I would have been naked with a buddy. She does believe that it was not sexual but, can not understand why I would have been naked with a friend.So, how can one combat her feelings, convince her that nudity is not a crime and get her to accept my nudity with buddies?I appreciate any thoughts on what has worked with converting the spouse's thought of nudity being wrong.
Make a boring video of your activities set to cheesy music and let her see for herself. Say you made it to inspire her to come...that might work. And remember too what she thinks is mediated by family community and faith. It's as much what others think.
Thanks for your respect Mr Jay.
I felt the need to respond because the couple has some good points in their response. However, just like my wife views nudity as sexual the writer also added two points that I didn't mention.
First,I try to listen and address my wife's concerns. My post is very legitimate and had no hidden meaning. I believe that I have an addiction to being naked. Any time that the sun is shining, it's warm and I am anywhere around water, I feel the need to strip. The exposure is my drug. Just as bathing with underwear on is not comfortable, I enjoy the freedom around the pool and hot tub.
The other point brought up is the additional activity the writer posted. I am certain that there was nothing else planned. Outside, in the view of others is definitely not the place for that alone or with a buddy. The importance of the point is that they see it as more than hanging out like my wife does.
I don't have enough experience as a social nudist; that's why I posted.
I appreciate your concern over your wifes feelings and respond with the warning that its coming from a single dad who was deemed not what I signed up for by my ex. It shows that you are a loving and compassionate husband who still wants to be his own person.
My point is that womens bodies are so objectified by US culture that its practically in their bone marrow to associate nudity mens penises in particular as a sex-driven statement. Nothing about how we happened to be born, nothing about freedom, just a statement of intent that whatever direction a mans penis is pointing, flaccid or erect, is what hes going to penetrate in the next 10 seconds, be ready for it. Now that men are equally objectified (just walk into an Abercrombie & Fitch store) younger men are following suit.
If we approach such an issue as a way of hearing and assuaging fear, I believe we can make progress. Good luck.
Here's my 10 cents worth.
In the perfect world nudists would have a discussion with their new partner quite early in the piece to understand if this would be problematic to their relationship - or a deal breaker.
For my case I don't think I knew I was a nudist until much later in life - after our kids were grown and left, so it wasn't a conversation that we could have had at the start of our relationship.
So in our case it became an issue of communication, respect and patience.
My wife was never someone to expose her body.
We started sleeping naked pretty much from the start - nothing unusual about that.
After our kids had grown and left I started to remain unclothed occasionally around the house and we talked about me doing this and that it was something I really enjoyed. After a while she gradually began to join me inside the house.
This progressed to the backyard (which is really private and enclosed) to enjoy the sun - and she was surprised to find she liked it.
Then we started going to secluded beaches - and she found she liked it.
Then we took a leap of faith and visited a nudist resort - and we loved it.
I am lucky in that while this was a slow process moving at her speed, she found that she enjoyed it and now embraces nudity quite frequently.
If she did not find enjoyment at the early stages then this would have been different, as it would be nothing but destructive to try and pressure her to do something against her will.
By doing this I could easily have driven a wedge into our marriage.
My advice is then;
- frequent open and honest discussion - but don't bang on about it relentlessly - it has to be about choice - hers.
- move at her speed even if it feels that no movement is being achieved - it has to be about choice - hers.
- ask her about how she feels when she is naked - if she has intense dislike of it then it might not happen for you as a couple.
It seems different for women than men as the world has passively been creating body issues for them that have been reinforced for many years. You won't undo that in five minutes, it will take lots of discussion and small steps.
The funny thing though is with our experience - within 10 minutes of venturing out of our room at the nudist resort, my wife had the realization that no-one at the resort cared about each others bodies. All the other guests were of every conceivable body shape and size.
All the nude bodies showing the impact of their separate life journeys - whether it be child bearing or over indulgence.
There were no rock star model bodies there.
Just normal people.
We made more friends in 20 days at nudist venues than we made in 20 years in our home town.
It's a journey that for us was more than worth doing.
Just needed to move at her pace and frequent checking in to get a feel for her comfort level or detect any discomfort or hesitance to then reassess.
This might or might not help.
Maybe I am just lucky.
Bazil & Lee