I label myself as gay because it's a good shorthand for the way I am living my life, married to a man. If I were single, I'm not sure I'd identify myself as gay, except when called on to do so in the political sense, lest I seem to be running away from it. But personally, every person is their own unique self, not their gender, and deserves to be met with full and genuine openness.
To take a less freighted example. You may say you like blondes. If the word "blondephile" existed, you might adopt it as a label. First point, why the plural? Won't you interact with them one at a time? Aren't you open to focusing on one particular person? Second point, people are not their hair color. What does it mean, what does it really do, to announce to every brunette you meet that you're a blondephile? It closes doors, and it's kinda rude. Sure, if social recognition of your blondephile tendencies had led to significant difficulties you had to push back against - if there were a supportive blondephile community the label gave you membership in - you might harden your identification with the label. But in a personal - not political - sense, does it really serve you?
I have posted about this and had two posts deleted - by whom? - probably because I called it by a different name. Homophobia. Thats what it is. Its not about labels, its about the homophobia of chat room moderators. People can use labels like male, female, Christian, black, etc, and thats fine, but if you dare use the label of Gay in the chat room, you can be muted or banned. Which is disappointing especially here, where we come to be ourselves, nudists, without judgment. I use the label Gay to find my tribe on here, as everyone does with their own labels. If I were to say no one cares that youre a Christian then I would get booted for that opinion, but thats exactly what happened to me when I said I was gay. Its homophobia. And Im tired of it.
Wearing labels doesn't hurt anyone until the end of the day, when you try to remove them before bed and they rip all your hair out and it hurts!
Comedy sometimes supersedes the metaphor, but in this case...grab that label and rip fast - that lessens the pain. Trying to learn about someone by reading their 'label' is tricky because there's always a sticky side. Preconceptions get in the way. Learning about a person through conversation and interaction rather than through some pigeonholing nomenclature seems more accurate, more appropriate, and certainly more respectful of their nuances.
And in the end, isn't a label little more than another way to hide behind something, sorta like clothing?
I think the import of labella and their affect really depends on where the label originates. If I use a label for myself as a self identifier thats ok. But if you label without my consent or affirmation of that label the label can be hurtful and even dangerous. So I take my lead from the individual and even then I will be cautious in the usage. For example a fat advocate may have not problem with being labeled fat but I shouldnt assume I can general beyond that one individual and use that body label with impunity. Racial labels are another example. Some black folks use the n word with an a to describe friends and even family but a non black person shouldnt ever use that label because it will likely be take with a negative connotation. Same goes for the gender identity label queer is yet another example unless a person explicitly uses that to describe themselves I would never use the term based on the negative history of its usage. But there are gender fluid/non binary people I have worked with who use the term to describe themselves and give other who know them permission to do the same.
labels are identifiers and not indicative of my acceptance of others. 'Tis a fine line to tread when using identifiers and not indicating how open or closed we are to those who identify differently.
"Open minded" is also a label you can use. I readily accept the label of Human. Beyond that, get to know me and make your own opinions, because you will.
And in the end, isn't a label little more than another way to hide behind something, sorta like clothing?
But who am I to tell someone that they shouldnt do that? If someone wants to identify themselves using a label even if it means they are hiding behind something I dont think it my right to discredit it that. I can say that is not how I see it and have a rigorous debate about that. But I will not tell someone they cant do that in fact I will fight their right to do so.
And in the end, isn't a label little more than another way to hide behind something, sorta like clothing?
Could you clarify what you mean by this?
For example, my profile says I'm gay. That's telling you something about me. How is that hiding?
And in the end, isn't a label little more than another way to hide behind something, sorta like clothing?Could you clarify what you mean by this?For example, my profile says I'm gay. That's telling you something about me. How is that hiding?
There are typically two different positions when people are debating something, and often many more, but for this argument let's stick to objective and subjective points of view. If a heterosexual wears a name tag that states they are that, are they attempting to clothes [intentional misspelling] themselves off from interaction with all the other gender/sexuality choices? It might seem so from outside of that person's mind. Labeling other people as opposed to putting one on yourself involves a very different discussion, and we can dive into that any time. Calling other people things, whether derogatory or positive, is still often more of a way to move the discussion forward more than anything.
Calling oneself something is the individual's choice and absolutely needs to be preserved. If I came up on someone with a heterosexual tag I'd surely be curious as to why they thought they needed to tell everyone what type of intercourse they prefer. I would at that point hope they don't get it tattooed on, for their own sake.
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