More Wife Jokes.
These two guys go out hunting and the one guy has a scope on his gun and he says to the other guy "Hey I can see your house through the scope and your wife cheating on you with another man!" So the other guy says "alright shoot her in the head and shoot him in the private parts." So the shooter says "Well I can get that in one shot."
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. Don't move until I tell you," she said, " pretend you're a statue." "What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too." No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. "Here," he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing."
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy?
The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty,
and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
A wife was helping her husband to set-up his Computer. The husband was in a cheeky mood so when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it obvious to his wife that he was typing in the word "penis" as password. His wife fell over from laughter when the computer replied: "Password rejected - not long enough".
A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said,
"I've lost my wife here in the supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
The woman looked puzzled. "Why do you want to talk to me?" she asked.
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere"
Two men were sitting at a bar and staring into their drinks. One guy got a curious look on his face and asked his friend, "Have you ever seen an ice cube with a hole in it before?"
The friend said, "Yep. I've been married to one for15 years."
A man left work one Friday afternoon. Being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spent his entire paycheck.
When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him,
"How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.
Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
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