Add a Joke in Sequential Order

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  ManOfWicklow

  Apr 28, 2013

  
  A very religious man lived right next door to anatheist. The religious man prayed every single day and night, spending much time at church, while the atheist never even thought of such acts.
  
  However, the atheist's had a good life. An excellent, well-payed job, and a beautiful wife, lovely, healthy, children, whereas the religious man's job was stressful and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day ,and his kids were obnoxious, and non loving.
  
  So one day, while deep into his regular prayer, he looked towards heaven and asked, "Oh God, I honor you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbor, who doesn't even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?"
  
  A great voice bellowed out from above, "BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME!"
  '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
  
  What is the biggest problem for anatheist?  -  No one to talk to during an orgasm.
  
  

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  thomasstierneyAutor original

  Apr 28, 2013

  What is the biggest problem for an atheist?  -  No one to talk to during anorgasm.
  ----------------------------------
  Why do we have anorgasm? - How else would we know when to stop?
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  Apr 29, 2013

  Why do we have anorgasm? - How else would we know when to stop?
  ===========================================
  
  A man, sitting next to a woman on a jet, suddenly sneezes. Unexpectedly, he unzips his pants and wipes the end of his penis off with his handkerchief. He then zips up and continues reading his magazine.
  The woman cannot believe what she just saw.
  Then he sneezes again, unzips, pulls out his penis and wipes it off with a handkerchief. The woman says, "Excuse me sir, but that is disgusting and rude."
  He says, "I am so sorry that I have offended you. I have this very rare, embarrassing physical handicap that causes me toorgasmevery time I sneeze."
  The woman, disarmed by the man's honesty, and somewhat embarrassed by her own callousness, says, with sympathy, "Oh you poor man, what are you taking for it?"
  "Pepper," he replies.

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  thomasstierneyAutor original

  Apr 29, 2013

  A man, sitting next to a woman on a jet, suddenly sneezes. Unexpectedly, he unzips his pants and wipes the end of hispenisoff with his handkerchief. He then zips up and continues reading his magazine.
  The woman cannot believe what she just saw.
  Then he sneezes again, unzips, pulls out his penis and wipes it off with a handkerchief. The woman says, "Excuse me sir, but that is disgusting and rude."
  He says, "I am so sorry that I have offended you. I have this very rare, embarrassing physical handicap that causes me to orgasm every time I sneeze."
  The woman, disarmed by the man's honesty, and somewhat embarrassed by her own callousness, says, with sympathy, "Oh you poor man, what are you taking for it?"
  "Pepper," he replies.
  ------------------------------------------------------------------------
  There were these three guys outside of a bar. There was a black guy, a white guy, and a Chinese guy. They all had been in the bar before and saw this gorgeous woman.
  They decided to make a bet to see who could make the woman scream.
  The black guy goes in and comes out and the women is laughing, and then the white guys goes in, well after he comes out she is laughing even harder.
  The Chinese guy goes in and a after a few minutes she is screaming bloody murder. Then he comes out, and the other two guys said how did you do that, and the Chinese guy goes "Me Chinese, me play trick, me put hot sauce on mypenis!"
  
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  Apr 29, 2013

  There were these three guys outside of a bar. There was a black guy, a white guy, and aChineseguy. They all had been in the bar before and saw this gorgeous woman.
  They decided to make a bet to see who could make the woman scream.
  The black guy goes in and comes out and the women is laughing, and then the white guys goes in, well after he comes out she is laughing even harder.
  The Chinese guy goes in and a after a few minutes she is screaming bloody murder. Then he comes out, and the other two guys said how did you do that, and the Chinese guy goes "Me Chinese, me play trick, me put hot sauce on mypenis!"
  
  ==========================
  
  AChinesewoman is having trouble with her eyes, so she goes to see an optician. The optician looks in her eyes with the instrument. The Chinese woman says, "What is the matter doctor?"
  The doctor says, "You have a cataract."
  The Chinese woman looks astounded and says "No NO I have a Ringcon Continental

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  thomasstierneyAutor original

  Apr 29, 2013

  A Chinese woman is having trouble with her eyes, so she goes to see an optician. Theopticianlooks in her eyes with the instrument. The Chinese woman says, "What is the matter doctor?"
  The doctor says, "You have a cataract."
  The Chinese woman looks astounded and says "No NO I have a Ringcon Continental
  --------------------------------------
  Anopticianoperates on a hippie painter’s girlfriend and saves her eyesight.
  The hippie painter is so grateful that he goes to the doctor’s house one day,
  while the doctor has office hours, goes inside and paints a huge eye on an entire wall of the living room,
  leaving the fireplace as the pupil of the eye. He’s just finishing up when the doctor walks in.
  He says to the doctor, “Well, do you like it man?”
  The doctor says, “Yeah, but I’m certainly glad I’m not a gynecologist!”
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  Apr 29, 2013

  An optician operates on a hippie painters girlfriend and saves her eyesight.
  The hippiepainteris so grateful that he goes to the doctors house one day,
  while the doctor has office hours, goes inside and paints a huge eye on an entire wall of the living room,
  leaving the fireplace as the pupil of the eye. Hes just finishing up when the doctor walks in.
  He says to the doctor, Well, do you like it man?
  The doctor says, Yeah, but Im certainly glad Im not a gynecologist!
  ================================
  
  Issy is a very wealthy man and for his mothers birthday he goes to a Sothebys sale and buys her a very expensive painting. When he gets back home, he cant wait to phone to tell her what hes bought for her. "Hi, mum, its me, Issy, your number one son."
  "Oh (pause) is everything all right, sweetheart?" she asks.
  "Yes, mum," replies Issy, "everything is fine. Im ringing to tell you that for your birthday, Ive just bought you a Rubens."
  "Rubin?" she says, "Do you mean Rubin the accountant?"
  "No, mum, Rubens is a greatpainter," explains Issy, laughing.
  "Oh, this I didn't know," she says. "Listen, sweetheart, ask him how much he'll charge to paint my kitchen."
  

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  thomasstierneyAutor original

  Apr 29, 2013

  Issy is a very wealthy man and for hismother'sbirthday he goes to a Sothebys sale and buys her a very expensive painting. When he gets back home, he can't wait to phone to tell her what he's bought for her. "Hi, mum, its me, Issy, your number one son."
  "Oh (pause) is everything all right, sweetheart?" she asks.
  "Yes, mum," replies Issy, "everything is fine. I'm ringing to tell you that for your birthday, I've just bought you a Rubens."
  "Rubin?" she says, "Do you mean Rubin the accountant?"
  "No, mum, Rubens is a great painter," explains Issy, laughing.
  "Oh, this I didn't know," she says. "Listen, sweetheart, ask him how much he'll charge to paint my kitchen."
  
  ----------------------------------------------------
  
  Issy passes by a pet shop and sees a parrot that costs $500. He asks why it costs so much and the salesman tells him the parrot speaks five languages. "Five languages!" exclaims Issy. "Does it speak Yiddish?" "Sure," says the salesman.
  Issy is a very wealthy man and for hismother'sbirthday he decides to send her the parrot, she lives all alone it'll keep her company.
  He pays the $500, has the store deliver the parrot to his mother, the next day he calls her up. "Mom, how did you like the parrot I bought you?"  "Mmm, delicious!" she says. "What do you mean delicious?" "I made soup out of it, it came out great!" "But mom, this parrot spoke five languages!"   "Five languages??? So why didn't he say anything?"
  
  
  
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  Apr 29, 2013

  Issy passes by a pet shop and sees a parrot that costs $500. He asks why it costs so much and thesalesmantells him the parrot speaks five languages. "Five languages!" exclaims Issy. "Does it speak Yiddish?" "Sure," says the salesman.
  Issy is a very wealthy man and for his mother's birthday he decides to send her the parrot, she lives all alone it'll keep her company.
  He pays the $500, has the store deliver the parrot to his mother, the next day he calls her up. "Mom, how did you like the parrot I bought you?"  "Mmm, delicious!" she says. "What do you mean delicious?" "I made soup out of it, it came out great!" "But mom, this parrot spoke five languages!"   "Five languages??? So why didn't he say anything?"
  
  ==============================
  A young man from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for asalesmanjob.
  The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota ."
  Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
  His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?"
  The kid says "One".
  The boss says "Just One? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"
  The kid says "$101, 237.65".
  The boss says "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"
  The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold hi m a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
  The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"
  The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.' "

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  thomasstierneyAutor original

  Apr 29, 2013

  A young man from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a salesman job.
  The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota ."
  Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
  His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?"
  The kid says "One".
  The boss says "Just One? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"
  The kid says "$101, 237.65".
  The boss says "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"
  The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold hi m a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
  The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"
  The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buyTamponsfor his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.' "
  
  -----------------------------------------
  
  A man walks into a pharmacy and tells the salesgirl that he's looking for a box ofTamponsfor his wife. She directs him to the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls on the counter
  She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for tampons for your wife?"
  "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling paper. So, I figure, if I have to roll my own, so does she."
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  Apr 30, 2013

  A man walks into a pharmacy and tells thesalesgirlthat he's looking for a box of Tamponsfor his wife. She directs him to the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls on the counter
  She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for tampons for your wife?"
  "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling paper. So, I figure, if I have to roll my own, so does she."
  =============================
  
  A guy went into a bookshop and asked thesalesgirlif she had a book called, "How to Master Your Wife."The salesgirl looked at him and said, "Our science fiction section is right upstairs."
  

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  thomasstierneyAutor original

  Apr 30, 2013

  A guy went into a bookshop and asked the salesgirl if she had a book called, "How to Master YourWife."The salesgirl looked at him and said, "Our science fiction section is right upstairs."
  ----------------------------------------------------------------------
  "Honey," said this husband to hiswife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
  "I know all that."
  "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
  "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  Apr 30, 2013

  "Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
  "I know all that."
  "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
  "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
  =============================
  
  A wealthyhoneypacker died and went to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter interviewed him at the door.'Can't let you in,'said the Saint,'because you have lied and cheated.'The honey packer protested and said that he never finished school, and wasn't too good at math, but he never cheated anyone and never lied. He simply bought honey, packaged it, and resold it at a 5 per cent profit. Over the years, this made him rich.
  But St. Peter disagreed.'No, you are lying again,'said Peter,'You must have charged more for the honey, you can't get rich on five per cent.'
  Again the honey packer protested. No, No, he said, I am not that good at math, but I only raised the price five per cent. I would buy honey for a dollar and sell it for five dollars, making five per cent every time!

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  thomasstierneyAutor original

  Apr 30, 2013

  A wealthy honey packer died and went to the Pearly Gates.St. Peterinterviewed him at the door. 'Can't let you in,' said the Saint, 'because you have lied and cheated.' The honey packer protested and said that he never finished school, and wasn't too good at math, but he never cheated anyone and never lied. He simply bought honey, packaged it, and resold it at a 5 per cent profit. Over the years, this made him rich.
  But St. Peter disagreed. 'No, you are lying again,' said Peter, 'You must have charged more for the honey, you can't get rich on five per cent.'
  Again the honey packer protested. No, No, he said, I am not that good at math,
  but I only raised the price five per cent.
  I would buy honey for a dollar and sell it for five dollars, making five per cent every time!
  ------------------------------------------------
  A New York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates.Saint Peterasks him "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?"
  The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street."
  Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.
  Saint Peter said, "Well, that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven."
  The Lawyer said, "Wait Wait! There's more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter."
  Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.
  Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?"
  Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, "Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  Apr 30, 2013

  ANew YorkDivorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates.Saint Peter asks him "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?"
  The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street."
  Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.
  Saint Peter said, "Well, that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven."
  The Lawyer said, "Wait Wait! There's more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter."
  Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.
  Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?"
  Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, "Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."
  ==============================
  
  A woman and her son were taking a cab inNew YorkCity. It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings."Mommy," said the little boy, "what are all those ladies doing?""They're waiting for their husbands to get off of work," she replied.The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers. They have sex with men for money."The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, mommy?" His mother, glaring at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mommy what happens to the babies those ladies have?""They mostly become cab drivers," she replied.
  

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  thomasstierneyAutor original

  May 1, 2013

  A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City. It was raining and all the hookers were standing
  under the awnings. “Mommy," said the little boy, "what are all those ladies doing?"
  "They're waiting for their husbands to get off of work," she replied. Thecabbieturns around and says,
  "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers. They have sex with men for money."
  The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, mommy?" His mother, glaring at the cabbie,
  answers in the affirmative. After a few minutes, the kid asks,
  "Mommy what happens to the babies those ladies have? “They mostly become cab drivers," she replied.
  
  --------------------------------------------------
  Acabbiepicks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won’t stop staring at her.
  She asks him why is he staring and he replies, “I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.”
  She answers, ‘My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”
  “Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun go down on me.”
  She thinks a bit and then responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that: #1 you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic.”
  The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I am single and I’m Catholic too!”
  The nun says, “OK, pull into the next alley.”
  He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy.
  But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. “My dear child,” said the nun, “why are you crying?”
  “Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”
  The nun says, “That’s OK, my name is Kevin and I’m on my way to a Halloween party.”
  
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  May 1, 2013

  A cabbiepicks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver wont stop staring at her.
  She asks him why is he staring and he replies, I have a question to ask you but I dont want to offend you.
  She answers, My dear son, you cannot offend me. When youre as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. Im sure that theres nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.
  Well, Ive always had a fantasy to have a nun go down on me.
  She thinks a bit and then responds, Well, lets see what we can do about that: #1 you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic.
  The cab driver is very excited and says, Yes, I am single and Im Catholic too!
  The nun says, OK, pull into the next alley.
  He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy.
  But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?
  Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, Im married and ImJewish.
  The nun says, Thats OK, my name is Kevin and Im on my way to a Halloween party.
  ==================================
  
  AJewishboy asks his father for twenty dollars.
  His father replied, "ten dollars, what in the world do you need five dollars for, I'd be happy to give you a dollar, here's a quarter."

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  thomasstierneyAutor original

  May 1, 2013

  A Jewish boy asks his father for twenty dollars.
  His father replied, "ten dollars, what in the world do you need five dollars for, I'd be happy to give you a dollar, here's aquarter."
  -------------------------------------
  Q: What time does Lebron James go to sleep?
  A: Aquarterafter 3
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  May 1, 2013

  Q: Whattimedoes Lebron James go to sleep?
  A: A quarter after 3
  ==============================================
  
  A blonde asked someone whattimeit was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,"You know, its the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer".
  

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  thomasstierneyAutor original

  May 2, 2013

  Ablondeasked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,"You know, its the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer".
  ------------------------------------------------
  Ablonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  May 2, 2013

  A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as ahandyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
  ==================================
  
  A man walks into a building site's foreman's office. He says "The sign outside says you need ahandyman."
  "That's right," says the foreman. "Can you lay bricks?"
  "No, I can't do that."
  "Can you mix concrete?"
  "No, never done that."
  "Know any plumbing?"
  "Not really."
  "Are you an electrician?"
  "No."
  "Well," says the puzzled foreman. "You can't do much, so what makes you so damned handy then?"
  "I only live around the corner."

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  thomasstierneyAutor original

  May 2, 2013

  A man walks into a building site's foreman's office. He says "The sign outside says you need a handyman."
  "That's right," says the foreman. "Can you lay bricks?"
  "No, I can't do that."
  "Can you mix concrete?"
  "No, never done that."
  "Know any plumbing?"
  "Not really."
  "Are you anelectrician?"
  "No."
  "Well," says the puzzled foreman. "You can't do much, so what makes you so damned handy then?"
  "I only live around the corner."
  
  --------------------------------------------
  
  A teacher wanted his students to improve their spelling skills. So, he decided to have each of them come up to the front of the class and tell the class about their fathers profession or trade and to spell such profession or trade.
  The teacher called up Johnny as the first student, and Johnny said, "My father is a baker, and you spell it B-A-K-E-R. If my father was here today, he would give everyone a cookie."
  "Very well," the teacher said, and called Jim to the front. Jim said, "My father is a banker and you spell it: B-A-N-K-E-R. If he was here today, he would give everyone a quarter.
  "Great," said the teacher and called Tim to the front. Tim said: "My father is an electrician, and
  you spell it: E E- L -K E- L- E-K."
  Tim was having a hard time spelling, so the teacher said, "Tim, why dont you sit and think about the spelling for a few minutes. In the meantime, well have Peter come up and tell us about his father."
  Peter said, "My father is a bookie: B-OO-K-I-E. And if my father was here today he would bet, 7 to 10 that Tim would not spellELECTRICIAN."
  
  
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  May 2, 2013

  Ateacherwanted his students to improve their spelling skills. So, he decided to have each of them come up to the front of the class and tell the class about their fathers profession or trade and to spell such profession or trade.
  The teacher called up Johnny as the first student, and Johnny said, "My father is a baker, and you spell it B-A-K-E-R. If my father was here today, he would give everyone a cookie."
  "Very well," the teacher said, and called Jim to the front. Jim said, "My father is a banker and you spell it: B-A-N-K-E-R. If he was here today, he would give everyone a quarter.
  "Great," said the teacher and called Tim to the front. Tim said: "My father is an electrician, and
  you spell it: E E- L -K E- L- E-K."
  Tim was having a hard time spelling, so the teacher said, "Tim, why dont you sit and think about the spelling for a few minutes. In the meantime, well have Peter come up and tell us about his father."
  Peter said, "My father is a bookie: B-OO-K-I-E. And if my father was here today he would bet, 7 to 10 that Tim would not spell ELECTRICIAN."
  ========================
  
  Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy.
  The first man married a nurse. Dave thinks to himself, "Nurses are known to be hot to trot."
  The second man married a telephone operator. Dave thinks to himself, "Telephone operators have sexy voices."
  The third man married a schoolteacher. Dave thinks to himself, "Poor guy, teachers are frigid."
  The next morning, Dave reports to work and gets a room service call from the nurse's husband. He sourly says, "Don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was 'You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary.'"
  Then, the telephone operator's husband calls and sourly says, "Don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was 'Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up.'"
  Later that afternoon, the teacher's husband calls and happily says, "When you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was 'We are going to do this over and over until we get right.'"

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• TH

  

  thomasstierneyAutor original

  May 2, 2013

  
  Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy.
  The first man married anurse. Dave thinks to himself, "Nurses are known to be hot to trot."
  The second man married a telephone operator. Dave thinks to himself, "Telephone operators have sexy voices."
  The third man married a school teacher. Dave thinks to himself, "Poor guy, teachers are frigid."
  The next morning, Dave reports to work and gets a room service call from the nurse's husband. He sourly says, "Don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was 'You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary.'"
  Then, the telephone operator's husband calls and sourly says, "Don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was 'Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up.'"
  Later that afternoon, the teacher's husband calls and happily says, "When you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was 'We are going to do this over and over until we get right.'"
  
  ---------------------------------------------------
  A man goes to the doctor's office one day.  Thenurse, quite attractive, says, "The doctor is over at the hospital right now.  He won't be back for about an hour.  Could you tell me your symptoms, please?" He tells her.  She looks at him and decides he's just tense.  She offers, "Well, um, for $50, I've got just the thing for you!"  He agrees, and she takes him into an examining room and screws the daylights out of him.
  About a week later, he returns, only to find that the doctor is there.  The doctor listens to the man's symptoms, examines him, and decides the man is just tense.  The doctor writes out a prescription for a sedative and says, "That'll be $150 for this visit."
  The man says, "If it's all the same to you, doctor, I'd rather have the $50 cure!"
  

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