TH
thomasstierneyUrsprünglicher Verfasser
Jun 6, 2012One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
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- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserAug 5, 2012I hate it when someone says, "I'm taking it one day at a time."
You know what? So is everybody. That's how time works.ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserAug 6, 2012At a staff meeting the manager was telling jokes as usual.
He noticed one woman wasn't laughing.She didn't even crack a smile.
"What's with you," he grumbled "Have you lost your sense of humor?"
She replied, "I don't have to laugh. Friday's my last day!"ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserAug 6, 2012ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserAug 9, 2012I know a woman who applied for a job in a Florida lemon grove.
She was asked if she had any actual experience in picking lemons.
"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!" she replied.
"I've been divorced three times and I voted for Obama."ReagierenAntworten - MA
Aug 9, 2012[quote]"I've been divorced three times and I voted for Obama."[/quote]Lots of divorced Kenyan women vote for Obama, but I can't think why !ReagierenAntworten - MAAug 9, 2012My Kenyan maid always works in the nude, she works so hard, I've had to replace the bed five times.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserAug 10, 2012Engraved on my gravestone all I want is:
"What are you lookin at?"ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserAug 11, 2012I always fry food in vegetable oil.
I figure how could getting more vegetables be bad for you?ReagierenAntworten - MAAug 11, 2012[quote]I always fry food in vegetable oil.[/quote]You must look quite silly wearing vegetable oil.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserAug 11, 2012Chocolate, too much of a good thing is wonderful.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserAug 11, 2012If it swims in the ocean, it can swim in butter.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserAug 12, 2012On the freeway this afternoon I was listening to some rap music.
Not by choice - it was coming from a car somewhere behind me.ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserAug 12, 2012My ex was weird. In the middle of an argument she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?'
I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, then forget it.ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserAug 13, 2012I was stopped for speeding. When the cop asked for my license and vehicle registration I said, "Nope, don't have them."
He hauled me in front of a local judge. When he told the judge I didn't have a license or vehicle registration I produced them and said, "Sure I do, this officer has got it in for me, the next thing he will be saying is that I was speeding."ReagierenAntworten - MAAug 13, 2012Always talk to your wife while making love,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, if there's a phone handy.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserAug 13, 2012When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserAug 13, 2012Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along comes today.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserAug 14, 2012My ex was weird. Three nights in a row, no sex.
She complained about how tired she was.
I suggested a 3 way with her sister to lighten the work load. Wrong again..ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserAug 15, 2012Someday I will be a procrastinator!ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserAug 16, 2012The easiest way to find something that's lost around the house is to buy a replacement.ReagierenAntworten
- MAAug 16, 2012
[img src="http://img8.joyreactor.com/pics/post/9gag-auto-261088.jpeg">
ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserAug 16, 2012Confucius Say:
When Einstein stared at his cousin's boobs, he discovered
'Theory of Relative Titty'.ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserAug 17, 2012Daily exercise, proper diet and you will be in good health,
which is merely the slowest possible rate at which you can die.ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserAug 18, 2012Due to recent budget cuts and the cost of electricity, gas and oil,
as well as current market conditions and the continued decline of the U.S. economy,
The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.ReagierenAntworten