TH
thomasstierneyOriginal Poster
Jun 6, 2012One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
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- THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterAug 19, 2012My ex was weird, One year; I bought her a cemetery plot on her birthday.
The next year, I didnt buy her a birthday gift. When she asked why,
I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
Wrong again.....ReactReply - MA
Aug 19, 2012A guy was in a cave, looking for treasure. He found an old lamp, rubbed it, and a genie came out. The genie said "I will grant you three wishes, but your ex-wife will get double." The man agreed, and said "I wish I had a mansion." The genie granted it, and his ex-wife got two mansions. The man said "I would like a million dollars." The genie again granted it and his ex-wife got two million dollars. Then the man said, "Scare me half to death."
ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterAug 21, 2012Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?ReactReply
- THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterAug 21, 2012My ex was really upset when she caught me writing her name and other crib notes on my hand just before we went to bed.ReactReply
- MAAug 21, 2012[quote]Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
[/quote]Because it's too much to all come out from the other end, in one go.ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterAug 21, 2012I just discovered if you play an AOL 9.0 CD backwards you can hear all kinds of evil and satanic messages!"
BUT BE CAREFUL:
If you play it forwards, it installs AOL.ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterAug 22, 2012For a while I dated a dyslexic Satanist? Until she sold her soul to Santa.ReactReply
- MAAug 22, 2012[quote]For a while I dated a dyslexic Satanist? Until she sold her soul to Santa.[/quote]That's understandable, they do both wear red.ReactReply
- THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterAug 23, 2012I knew a guy who became a veterinarian and taxidermist.
His slogan was, "Either way, you get your dog back."ReactReply - MAAug 23, 2012[quote]I knew a guy who became a veterinarian and taxidermist.
His slogan was, "Either way, you get your dog back."[/quote]There are not many men who stuff their wives, when they have passed away.ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterAug 23, 2012[quote][quote]I knew a guy who became a veterinarian and taxidermist.
His slogan was, "Either way, you get your dog back."[/quote]There are not many men who stuff their wives, when they have passed away.[/quote]Isn't that called Necrophilia?ReactReply - MAAug 23, 2012[quote][quote][quote]I knew a guy who became a veterinarian and taxidermist.
His slogan was, "Either way, you get your dog back."[/quote]There are not many men who stuff their wives, when they have passed away.[/quote]Isn't that called Necrophilia?[/quote]If you live in Philadelphia, it's called NecroDelphilia.ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterAug 24, 2012My ex and I agreed to never go to sleep angry.
One time I lasted five days before I passed out. She won again.ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterAug 25, 2012One time I felt like I needed to go to an assertiveness training class.
First I checked with my wife. She said I was fine.ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterAug 26, 2012According to a new survey about sex, 51 percent of people said they would
consider having sex for money if the amount offered was large enough.
The average woman said the amount would have to be at least $35,000.
The average man, on the other hand, said,
"How much change do you have on you?"ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterAug 28, 2012One barmaid I dated insisted she was a feminist...I thought that was so cute!ReactReply
- THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterAug 28, 2012One morning my attorney phoned me and asked,
"Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?"
"Give me the bad news first."
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
"That's the bad news?" "I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"It's of you and your mistress."ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterAug 29, 2012A friend of mine asked for my secret of picking up barmaids.
"Its very easy, when I enter, I toss the keys of a Rolls Royce on the bar and they just flock to me."
"When I take them home I tell them my Rolls Royce is the shop and the old Chevy is a loaner."
A couple of nights later my friend entered and tossed the keys to a Rolls Royce on the bar.
After a couple of hours he asked me why the barmaid was still ignoring him.
I replied, "If you don't take off your bicycle helmet it won't work."ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterAug 30, 2012I recently learned when dating an older woman; to never ask "What did you want to be?"ReactReply
- THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterAug 31, 2012Did you know that if you put your ear up against a stranger's ear,
you can hear them say, "What the hell are you doing?"ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterSep 1, 2012One morning my ex said, "Today is our wedding fifth anniversary what do you think we ought to do?"
I knew I was in trouble when I heard myself say, "Have a moment of silence?"ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterSep 3, 2012Never get into fights with ugly people; they have nothing to loseReactReply