TH
thomasstierneyAutor original
Jun 6, 2012One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
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- THthomasstierneyAutor originalJan 26, 2014Rain in Southern California. But only one windshield wiper swipe.ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalJan 27, 2014I complained to the senator from Maryland, who lives near here, and specializes in immigration policy,
"My sister and brother-in-law were kidnapped by Somalian pirates!"
"I'm sorry to hear that," he replied, "But I don't see how you can blame that on our immigration policy."
"Oh, yeah?" I retorted. "At the time, they were boating on Chesapeake Bay.ReaccionarResponder - NU
Jan 29, 2014There are just too many people who make me wish I had more middle fingers.ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalFeb 1, 2014YAY! Tomorrow is SUNDAY - February 2 - YAY it's Groundhog Day!ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalFeb 2, 2014That's one of the reasons I left Jersey.ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalFeb 2, 2014California has four seasons, the old joke goes: earthquake, fire, flood and drought.ReaccionarResponder
- MIMiembroFeb 4, 2014We had over 30" of snow in the last 5 days in Eagle Colorado. I'll send it your way in the spring.ReaccionarResponder
- BO
Feb 4, 2014I've read about some things, but a few of these are a little to "different" for me to try eating!
http://travel.ca.msn.com/rd-photoviewer.aspx?cp-documentid=262080708#image=2ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalFeb 11, 2014Anytime my "ex" wanted a decision to go her way she simple said, "But it makes me happy."ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalMar 3, 2014A loser is having a hard time picking up chicks, so his well-traveled friend takes him to a nightclub in Daytona where he tells him that he will score for sure.The loser enters the bar, sees his prey, and begins to barrage her with pickup lines that he acquired from his friend. The young lady continues to ignore him but finally gives in. She says, "OK, I'll spend the night with you, but I've got to let you know upfront that I'm on my menstrual cycle." The loser looks at her and says, "That's OK. I'll follow you on my Moped."ReaccionarResponder
- NUMar 12, 20141 is lonely2 is a couple3 is a crowd4 is a double date5 is a party6 is half a dozen7 is my favorite number8 is how many fingers i have9 is my bed time10 is the first double digit numberReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalMar 12, 2014Q: Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A: He worked it out with a pencil.ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalMar 20, 2014An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cellphones.The wife was a romantic type, and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee.She decided to send her husband a romantic text message, so she wrote:"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile.If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sipIf you are crying, send me your tears". I love you."The husband texted back to her: "I'm on the toilet. Please advise."ReaccionarResponder
- NUMar 31, 2014PMS jokes aren't funny. PERIOD!
Broken pencils are pointless!ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalApr 2, 2014I love Southern California - April 2, -2pm - 50 degrees - The sun is shining thru and it is raining.ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalApr 3, 2014I actually enjoy Southern California winters....But this one was a weird one!ReaccionarResponder