TH
thomasstierneyAutor original
Jun 6, 2012One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
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- THthomasstierneyAutor originalDec 6, 2014We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.ReaccionarResponder
- LA
Dec 6, 2014[quote]We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
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Amen to that, Thomas. The best form of gun control is a steady hand.ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalDec 7, 2014A study recently concluded that licking the sweat from frogs can cure depression,
The bad news is that when you stop licking, the frog gets depressed again.ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalDec 7, 2014If two women walk into a bar and talk about the Bechdel test. Is that a violation of the Bechdel test?ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalDec 9, 2014Ladies have come up with all these expressions to reassure men. ........
"Oh honey, it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean."
That may be true, but I know it takes a long time to get to England in a rowboat.ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalDec 27, 2014The bookie slowly counted out the money into the old lady's wrinkled hands.
"Lady," he said, "I just don't understand. However did you manage to pick the winner?"
The old lady patted her white locks in place. She looked a little bewildered.
"Really," she said, "I don't know myself. I just stick a pin in the paper and, well, there it is."
The bookie took a deep breath. "That's all very well, lady," he cried.
"But how on earth did you manage to pick four winners yesterday afternoon?"
"Oh," replied the old lady, "that was easy. I used a fork."ReaccionarResponder - MA
Dec 27, 2014What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalDec 29, 2014I knew my ex faked orgasms when we were dating, after we married she faked cooking and housework, too!ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalDec 30, 2014If you got all the presents from the song "Twelve Days of Christmas", you would end up with 364 gifts.
364 gifts are in the Twelve Days of Christmas song if all of the gifts mentioned in each of the verses were added together. Each verse references a gift that corresponds with the particular day of Christmas, from one gift (a partridge in a pear tree) on the first day to 12 items (drummers drumming) on the final day, with each previous gift accumulating throughout each new days verse of the song. Combined, there would be: 12 partridges in pear trees, 22 turtle doves, 30 French hens, 36 calling birds, 40 gold rings, 42 geese a-laying, 42 swans a-swimming, 40 maids a-milking, 36 ladies dancing, 30 lords a-leaping, 22 pipers piping, and 12 drummers drumming.ReaccionarResponder - MADec 30, 2014Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalDec 30, 2014Guinea pigs get lonely so often that in Switzerland it is illegal to own just one.
Guinea pigs get lonely, so it is highly recommended by experts for people to own the pets in pairs. In fact, in Switzerland, it is actually illegal to own a single guinea pig. Since guinea pigs are by nature very social animals, they often become withdrawn when on their own due to not having other guinea pigs around to communicate, play, and groom together as they would in the wild. Two baby guinea pigs of the same gender typically have the highest likelihood for successful cohabitation, followed by a baby guinea pig and older guinea pig of the same gender. Guinea pigs may have distinctive personality traits that can clash if two older animals are introduced.ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalDec 31, 2014On average, the number of cars stolen on New Year's Day is more than double those stolen on Christmas.
In the US, over 22,000 cars were stolen over the fall and winter holidays, according to 2009 National Crime Information Center (NCIC) statistics. New Year's Day had the most thefts with 2,760 cars stolen in 2009. Christmas Day had the least number of thefts with 1,336 cars stolen that year.To keep vehicles from being stolen, it is recommended that owners keep items like shopping bags out of sight, and not leave a running car unattended.ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalJan 1, 2015On a scale of one to ten, what's your favorite color of the alphabet?ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalJan 3, 2015Moby Dick is based on Mocha Dick, a real albino whale that destroyed over 20 whaling ships in the 1830s.
The inspiration for Herman Melville's 1851 novel Moby Dick was based on a real albino sperm whale called Mocha Dick. During the growth of the whaling industry in the Americas in the mid 1800s, Mocha Dick gained a reputation of being a one of the most feared whales in the ocean. Mocha Dick was reported to be docile if left alone, even swimming along with ships. However, when provoked, the 70 foot (21.336 m) whale would become aggressive and attack ships with his body. During the 28 years that Mocha Dick hunted, he reportedly attacked 100 ships, 20 of which were completely destroyed. Mocha was eventually killed by whalers in 1838 near the Chilean island Mocha after he came to the rescue of a female whale whose calf was killed by the whalers.ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalJan 4, 2015Only 8% of people who make a New Year's Resolution end up achieving it.
Only 8% of people actually achieve their New Year's resolutions, according to 2014 Journal of Clinical Psychology statistics. About 45% of Americans make any resolutions at all. The most common New Year's resolution is to lose weight, followed by being more organized, being careful with money, enjoying life, and stopping smoking. Self-improvement and education resolutions rank the highest at 47% while relationship-related resolutions rank the lowest at 31%. Being able to work towards a resolution can be the most difficult as only 75% of those who made any resolution maintained it through the first week. The percentage lowers overtime: 71% maintained their resolution through two weeks, and 46% maintained their resolution through 6 months. For those looking to meet their New Year's resolutions, it is recommended that people announce their goals, have an accountability system, or set future dates when smaller goals will be achieved that will aid in the success of the resolution.ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalJan 8, 2015Green Eggs and Ham was written by Dr. Seuss using only 50 different words to win a bet with his publisher.
Only 50 words are used in Dr. Seuss' Green Eggs and Ham. The use of only 50
words was due to a bet that Bennett Cert, Dr. Seuss' editor and co-founder
of Random House, made in 1960 with the author that Dr. Seuss couldn't write
a book using 50 words or less. The bet was for $50 (the equivalent of $382
as of 2011). Dr. Seuss succeeded, and Green Eggs and Ham became one of his
best-selling books. In a poll done by the School Library Journal in 2012,
Green Eggs and Ham placed as one of the "Top 100 Picture Books".ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalJan 8, 2015Short skirts have a tendency to make men polite.
Have you ever seen a man get on a bus or an escalator ahead of one?ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalJan 10, 2015
A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers. This one caught me by surprise.
I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic.
Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk.
They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy tops.
It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'no' and instead ask you for a ride to McDonalds.
You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, one of them climbs over into the front seat and gives you a head job,
while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen January 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th & 29th.
Also February 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th, three times last Monday
and very likely again this upcoming weekend.
So tell your friends to be careful.
P.S. Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for 2.99 each. I found cheaper ones for $1.99 at K-Mart and bought them out.
Also, you never will get to eat at McDonalds. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth to Home Depot.ReaccionarResponder - MAJan 11, 2015I walked into McDonalds today and was behind a rather large woman in the queue.
As the assistant came to the counter I shouted, "I'll have what ever she's having."
"But you don't even know what I'm going to order!" she chuckled.
"I know," I replied, "but I've got five hungry lads waiting in the car."ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalJan 11, 2015Thank God I have never seen
A cat stripped naked and cleanReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalJan 24, 2015A synonym is a word you use if you can't spell the other one.ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalJan 24, 2015"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
~Albert Einstein (1879-1955)ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalJan 24, 2015The longest Main Street in America is US Route 20 in Island Park, Idaho, which is 33 miles (53 k) long. The city consist mainly of resorts and lodges along Route 20 whose owners decided to incorporate in 1947 in order to get around Idaho's liquor laws that do not allow liquor to be sold outside city limits.ReaccionarResponder