TH
thomasstierneyOriginal Poster
Jun 6, 2012One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
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- THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterAug 8, 2014The best cure for sea sickness is to go and sit under a tree.ReactReply
- LA
Aug 12, 2014[quote]Confucius Says: Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
[/quote]Confucius says "He who goes to bed with itchy asshole, wakes up with smelly fingers".ReactReply - MA
Aug 14, 2014It's funny how after an argument is over, you start to think about more clever shit you could have said.ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterAug 14, 2014You don't see faith healers working in hospitals,
for the same reason you don't see psychics winning the lottery.ReactReply - MAAug 14, 2014You know it's going to be a bad day when you take a pee and the wife asks what you're doing in the wardrobe.ReactReply
- THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterAug 17, 2014Volvo, Video, Velcro (I came, I saw, I stuck around)ReactReply
- MAAug 17, 2014You know it must have been a good night,when you wake up and don't know who's house you're in.ReactReply
- THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterAug 17, 2014OH God! It actually happened to me. The shower was running. I peeked in her purse - found her drivers license - liked what I saw - joined her in the shower.ReactReply
- MAAug 17, 2014The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them.ReactReply
- THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterAug 18, 2014I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me send money.ReactReply
- THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterAug 29, 2014Q) How did the leper lose the poker game?
A) He threw in his hand.ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterAug 29, 2014My doctor told me to start killing people.
Well, not in those exact words.
He said I had to reduce the stress in my life.
Same thing really.ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterSep 9, 2014An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replied.
"The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.
When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed.
"What's the bad news?"
"The guy was your doctor..."ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterSep 24, 2014How do we know that Christ was Irish?
Because he was 33 still lived at home thought his mother was a virgin and she
thought he was the son of God.ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterSep 26, 2014I joined Bachelors Anonymous.
Every time I feel like getting married they send round a woman in curlers to nag me for a while.ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterSep 26, 2014The guys down at the barber shop asked me what Hollywood bombshell actress I'd like to be stuck in an elevator with.
I thought for a minute and said, "Any one of 'em that knows how to fix elevators, I suppose."ReactReply - MASep 26, 2014Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?ReactReply
- THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterSep 29, 2014What's the hardest thing about playing golf with your wife?
Having to say, "Great shot Honey!" 142 times.ReactReply - THthomasstierneyOriginal PosterOct 4, 2014A man is intensively washing his jeans, mumbling to himself:
"You cannot trust anyone these days!
Not a single person!
Even yourself... I was only trying to fart."ReactReply