"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
Réponses
- LA
May 4, 2018Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men.
He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in
agony.The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
Feels great, he replied; but I still think my thumb's broken!RéagirRépondre - THthomasstierneyAuteur d'origineMay 6, 2018
I just read this: " Security firm Splashdata, which every year compiles a list of the most common stolen passwords, found that '123456' was the most common password in 2017."
Am I the only one wondering how Splasdata got everyone's Passwords in the first place and what they might be doing with that information??RéagirRépondre - MA
May 6, 2018[quote]I just read this: " Security firm Splashdata, which every year compiles a list of the most common stolen passwords, found that '123456' was the most common password in 2017." Am I the only one wondering how Splasdata got everyone's Passwords in the first place and what they might be doing with that information??[/quote]Yes indeed, what do they do with the information? They don't spend time on something, unless they're going to make money from it. Also, it's unbelievable how stupid some people are when thinking of a password to use. I have installed many security alarms for customers over the past 30 years, and it's amazing how many use '1234' as their Entry Code.RéagirRépondre - MA
May 6, 2018...........it becomes increasingly important to keep the little bottles of ear drops and eye drops well separated. Even more important is keeping your toothpaste apart from the tube of back liniment. I speak from personal experience.
RéagirRépondre - THthomasstierneyAuteur d'origineMay 6, 2018[quote]...........it becomes increasingly important to keep the little bottles of ear drops and eye drops well separated. Even more important is keeping your toothpaste apart from the tube of back liniment. I speak from personal experience.[/quote]So true!RéagirRépondre
- THthomasstierneyAuteur d'origineJun 2, 2018A California cosmetic surgery practice is opening a new office where breast augmentation surgery is done on an outpatient basis in about 30 minutes. ... They are going to call the practice "Jiffy Boob."RéagirRépondre
- THthomasstierneyAuteur d'origineJun 16, 2018Did you hear about the young lady who was addicted to line dancing? They put her in a two step program.RéagirRépondre
- A_
Jun 17, 2018Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years.
He eventually decides to go and see a Doctor.
The Doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.
The bad news is that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.
The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'
Joe was shocked and depressed.He wondered if he had anything to live for.
He had no choice but to go under the knife. The surgery cost him $15,000.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a Men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new Suit.'
He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new Suit.'
The elderly Tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see... size 44 long.
Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit it fitted perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?'
Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'
The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'
Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years.'
Joe tried the shirt and it fitted perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, 'How about some new Underwear?'
Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure..'
The salesman said, 'Let's see..... size 36.
Joe laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old..'
The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your Testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a Headache.RéagirRépondre - THthomasstierneyAuteur d'origineJun 22, 2018We know cunnilingus is grand, But what I cannot understand, Who was the first guy, To give it a try...? I think we should give him a hand!RéagirRépondre
- NK
Jun 24, 2018Say "Yes!" to running naked. Running naked may lead to something good!
RéagirRépondre - THthomasstierneyAuteur d'origineJun 26, 2018
https://archive.org/details/pulpmagazinearchive
RéagirRépondre - MAJul 12, 2018
"Getting Lucky" takes on new meaning. Now it means "finding your car in the parking lot".
RéagirRépondre - KO
Aug 20, 2018Did anyone happen to notice the recent date... 8.18.18? I just thought it was an interesting combination of repeating numbers.
RéagirRépondre - THthomasstierneyAuteur d'origineAug 24, 2018
A priest and a rabbi are seated together on a plane. After a while, the priest turns to the rabbi and asks, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork? "
The rabbi responds, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."
The priest then asks, "Have you ever eaten pork?"
To which the rabbi replies, "Yes, on one occasion, I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"
The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."
The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptation of the flesh?"
The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."
The rabbi nodded understandingly. He was silent for about five minutes, and then he said, "Beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
RéagirRépondre - THthomasstierneyAuteur d'origineAug 30, 2018
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"
"Doctor, what's going on?" asked the concerned father-to-be.
"Don't worry," said the doctor, "those are just contractions."RéagirRépondre - THthomasstierneyAuteur d'origineSep 8, 2018The man selling two-dollar tickets at Monmouth Racetrack registered complete surprise when a horse stepped up to the window, and asked to bet on himself. "What's the matter?" snorted the horse. "Are you astonished that I can talk?" "Not at all," said the man. "I'm surprised that you think you can win."RéagirRépondre
- A_Sep 13, 2018
Garage Door boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.
As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'
He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Jaguar parked in there?'
She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires..'RéagirRépondre - RA
Sep 22, 2018[quote]I just read this: " Security firm Splashdata, which every year compiles a list of the most common stolen passwords, found that '123456' was the most common password in 2017."Am I the only one wondering how Splasdata got everyone's Passwords in the first place and what they might be doing with that information?? Yes indeed, what do they do with the information? They don't spend time on something, unless they're going to make money from it. Also, it's unbelievable how stupid some people are when thinking of a password to use. I have installed many security alarms for customers over the past 30 years, and it's amazing how many use '1234' as their Entry Code.[/quote] Push button door entries for garage doors and security doors also.RéagirRépondre - THthomasstierneyAuteur d'origineOct 6, 2018What's the difference between praying in church and at the track? At the track you really mean it!RéagirRépondre
- THthomasstierneyAuteur d'origineOct 20, 2018What's red and bad for your teeth? What? A brick.RéagirRépondre
