TH
thomasstierneyAutor original
Jun 6, 2012One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
ReagirResponderInscrever-se
Respostas
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalSep 23, 2012My ex was gossiping on the phone, when I overheard her say, "My sister is frigid."
I guess I shouldn't have said, "No, she isn't."ReagirResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalSep 24, 2012My ex said, "Tom, you're the best friend I've ever had."
I guess I shouldn't have said, "You're near the top of my list hon."ReagirResponder - MA
Sep 24, 2012All men should have at least two wives. That way you will have them always competing against each other to be the best wife.ReagirResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalSep 24, 2012NO NO NO - Don't you see the flaw in your plan? Two Mothers In Law.ReagirResponder
- MASep 24, 2012I never thought about that, I shall have to let one of them down gently. I'm glad I did'nt have three of them.ReagirResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalSep 25, 2012Today I was walking up a long flight of stairs. I had to stop at the midway point to rest for a while and forgot if I were going up or down.ReagirResponder
- MASep 25, 2012I was on the bed with a young woman the other day, and I could not remember if I was about to start, or had already finished. I'ts no wonder I feel so tired.ReagirResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalSep 26, 2012Today I talked self out of a speeding ticket by telling the CHP I had to get home before I forgot where I was going!ReagirResponder
- MASep 26, 2012A patrol car pulled me over and I told the officer I was only speeding to prevent an accident. I had to do 140 mph to stop him from running into the back of me.ReagirResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalSep 26, 2012A cop stopped me for speeding, he claimed I was trying to out run him. I told him my wife had run away with a cop, when I saw him in my rear view mirror I was afraid he was bringing her back. He let me go.ReagirResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalSep 26, 2012If you think your boss is stupid, remember: You wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
~ John GottiReagirResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalSep 27, 2012One night I was out drinking with Superman, he was being a smart ass and wrote on the bathroom wall:
"Batman is a wimp."
The next day, Batman wrote:
"Superman is Clark Kent." That'll teach him.ReagirResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalSep 28, 2012I started a relationship with a blind woman. The sex is amazing---but also very challenging---it took me ages to get her husband's voice just right.ReagirResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalSep 29, 2012I just thought of something. I have never heard man whine about balancing marriage and a career.ReagirResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalOct 1, 2012October First means a lot to me. It was on this day two years ago that I lost my dear wife.
I'll never forget that poker game.ReagirResponder - MAOct 1, 2012[quote]October First means a lot to me. It was on this day two years ago that I lost my dear wife.
I'll never forget that poker game.
[/quote]There was no need to shoot the guy when he brought her back two days later.ReagirResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalOct 1, 2012When somebody wins the pot they cannot bring back a dirty used pot.ReagirResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalOct 2, 2012I was on a first date with a local barmaid
I asked her if she used oral contraceptives.
She said, "Oh, no! Don't tell me you can get pregnant THAT way!"ReagirResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalOct 4, 2012My ex and I were at a local night club one night and she kept staring at a drunk sitting at the end of the bar. I asked her if she knew him.
"Yes," she sighed, "I use to date him. We broke up about seven years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
I guess I shouldn't have said, "You wouldn't think a person could go on celebrating that long."ReagirResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalOct 4, 2012The first debate is over. The hot air has passed. Cooler weather is here. Coincidence?ReagirResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalOct 6, 2012My ex and I were going on vacation; she refused to fly on Virgin.
She said, "I don't want to fly an airline that doesn't go all the way?"ReagirResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalOct 9, 2012If there was a 'Bi-Sexual Pride' parade, would it go both ways?ReagirResponder
- MAOct 9, 2012
[img src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_wTKEFIKSrvg/Sw0Fb-43j9I/AAAAAAAAO0Q/nTNSjnbQL4M/s400/love.jpg">ReagirResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalOct 10, 2012My ex was telling me about a study that found women gain weight after they get married, but men gain weight after a divorce. I started to say something, but she stopped me and said, "One word and we will see if the second half of the study is correct."ReagirResponder