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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

I woke up late the other morning, and the wife said "Quick, get dressed and leave the house right now" "What's the hurry" I asked. "My husband will be home in a few minute" she replied.

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

My ex came home one day all upset. She said she had seen several young, beautiful women at the market and just knew I would bed them if I had the chance.
Then she screamed, "How much more of this do you think I can take?"

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

I took my ex to her first football game.
Afterwards I asked her what she thought of it.
She explained, "I saw the two guys flip a quarter.
Then the rest of the game, all they said was:
"Get the quarterback!" "Get the quarterback!" Hello! It's only 25 cents!"

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

I gave up my hope of being a star halfback the second day of practice. One tackle grabbed my left leg, another grabbed my right leg, and the linebacker looked at me and said, "Make a wish!"

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

My ex called me at work one afternoon. She said, I have some good news and some bad news.
I explained I was very busy, so I asked for the good news. She said, Well, the air bags work.

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

When inviting your girlfriend to stay the night, it is best to make sure the wife is out.

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

WARNING: Christmas parties mean the amateur drinkers are out and about.

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

My ex texted me at work one very cold winter afternoon. "Window frozen!." I texted back, "Pour warm water over it."
A few minutes later she texted back: "Now the key board is stuck too."

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes


Q. What is the definition of divorce?
A. The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

City of Los Angeles Anonymous Gun Buyback is in full force! Thousands of guns are being turned in by law abiding citizens.
WAIT: Why aren't criminals turning in their guns?

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