I learn from the mistakes of others.......................who took my advice.
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- 2H2hangfreeUrsprünglicher VerfasserMar 23, 2021
On this day in 1876 Alexander Graham Bell makes the first ever phone call, moments later phone rings and he learns his auto warranty has expired.
ReagierenAntworten - 2H2hangfreeUrsprünglicher VerfasserMar 25, 2021
Sometimes l find a random screw lying around my house and l just assume it's from my life falling apart
ReagierenAntworten - ME
Mar 26, 2021[quote]The most shocking thing about our human sex organs is that people are shocked by them.[/quote]I neither designed nor made my body. I have neither cause for pride nor shame regarding its various features. I am not ashamed of my nose, fingers, or toes -- why should it be any different regarding my cock and balls.ReagierenAntworten - GO
Mar 28, 2021Doctor: I'm not really sure how to explain the cause of all your health problems, it could be the drinking..
Patient: that's ok doctor, I'll come some other time when you're sober.
ReagierenAntworten - 2H2hangfreeUrsprünglicher VerfasserMar 30, 2021
I see people my age mountain climbing and I'm here feeling good about getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
ReagierenAntworten - 2H2hangfreeUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 6, 2021
Being kissed while you're asleep is one of the purest forms of love.... Unless you're in prison.
ReagierenAntworten - 2H2hangfreeUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 9, 2021
Let me drink about it and get back to you.
ReagierenAntworten - 2H2hangfreeUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 10, 2021
Life begins the moment you realize you don't have to prove shit to anyone.
ReagierenAntworten - 2H2hangfreeUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 13, 2021
Being an adult is debating whether to keep a cardboard box because you know it's a really good box.
ReagierenAntworten - 2H2hangfreeUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 15, 2021
The closest l ever got to a 4.0 in school....was my blood alcohol content.
ReagierenAntworten - 2H2hangfreeUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 16, 2021
I'm not the type of person you should put on speaker phone....
ReagierenAntworten - 2H2hangfreeUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 22, 2021
I'm having a bad day... my ex just got hit by a bus, and I just lost my job as a bus driver.
ReagierenAntworten - JO
Apr 22, 2021[quote]Being an adult is debating whether to keep a cardboard box because you know it's a really good box.[/quote] OMG! I must be an adult.ReagierenAntworten - 2H2hangfreeUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 29, 2021
My wife says I have only two faults... I don't listen and some other shit she was rattling on about.
ReagierenAntworten - 2H2hangfreeUrsprünglicher VerfasserApr 30, 2021
I sleep better naked.... Why can't the flight attendant understand this?
ReagierenAntworten - 2H2hangfreeUrsprünglicher VerfasserMay 3, 2021
My wife just phoned to tell me that three women in her office have received flowers today and they are absolutely gorgeous. I said that's probably why.
ReagierenAntworten - 2H2hangfreeUrsprünglicher VerfasserMay 4, 2021
Did you know if you text Boss... Go fuck yourself...you don't have to go to work anymore.
ReagierenAntworten - LA
May 5, 2021[quote]Did you know if you text Boss... Go fuck yourself...you don't have to go to work anymore.[/quote] It depends on who you text it to.ReagierenAntworten - 2H2hangfreeUrsprünglicher VerfasserMay 6, 2021
I am not an early bird or a night owl I am some form of permanently exhausted pigeon.
ReagierenAntworten - 2H2hangfreeUrsprünglicher VerfasserMay 11, 2021
If you eat an entire cake without cutting it....you technically only had one piece.
ReagierenAntworten - 2H2hangfreeUrsprünglicher VerfasserMay 18, 2021
If you've ever found yourself in an argument about how you're not arguing..... you might be married.
ReagierenAntworten - 2H2hangfreeUrsprünglicher VerfasserMay 20, 2021
When a woman says correct me if I'm wrong... Do not under any, I mean any circumstances do it.
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