TH
thomasstierneyUrsprünglicher Verfasser
Jun 6, 2012One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
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- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserSep 3, 2012I love procrastinators; they always help their friends, eventually.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserSep 4, 2012Every time I walked into a singles bar I could hear my Mother's wise words -
"Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been".ReagierenAntworten - MA
Sep 4, 2012I thought of visiting the local gay bar, but my wife might not like me following her.ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserSep 4, 2012The day I started my construction job, I was in the office filling out an employee form when I came to the section that asked:
Single____Married____ Divorced____.
I marked single. Glancing at the man next to me, who was also filling out a form,
I noticed he hadn't marked any of the blanks. Instead,
he had written, "Yes, in that order."ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserSep 5, 2012I guess Claudia Schiffer must be a genius... I heard my ex telling her friends that I had "Schiffer Brains."ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserSep 6, 2012I promised my ex that I would never turn my back on her; actually I didn't trust her that much.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserSep 7, 2012Some mornings when I wake up I feel like a 20-year-old. But there's never one around.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserSep 9, 2012She bought her own running shoes and ran away with my favorite bartender.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserSep 9, 2012Something I learned the hard way!
'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.
If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.'ReagierenAntworten - MASep 10, 2012The only way not to think about money is to have a great deal of it.ReagierenAntworten
- EV
Sep 10, 2012[quote]Something I learned the hard way!
'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.
If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.'
[/quote]
Alright, I'm stealing this......ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserSep 10, 2012My ex said she left me because I was too childish, but I think she was just being a poopyhead.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserSep 12, 2012Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while, I was a suspect.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserSep 12, 2012If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserSep 13, 2012My ex yelled at me, "Did you tell my sister I was a bitch?"
I answered, "No! I don't know how she found out."ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserSep 14, 2012I was going to go to Coronado for a weekend. I called and made reservations at a seaside hotel. When I asked for directions I was told "It's only a stone's throw from the beach." When I asked, "But how will I recognize it?" Back came the reply, "It's the one with all the broken windows."ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserSep 14, 2012When you have to start compromising yourself and your morals for the people around you, it’s probably time to change the people around you.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserSep 16, 2012In order to spice up our love life I suggested my ex and I be allowed to have a quickie affair.
She said, "Forget it, I've tried that - it didn't work."ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserSep 17, 2012My ex insisted I go to weight-watchers. She said she would only have sex with a man with a trim figure. I went along with it until I discovered she was having sex with a man with a trim figure while I was at those damned meetings.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserSep 18, 2012One night my ex and I were watching TV. When I removed my glasses to wipe them she said sweetly,
"Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married. With a big smile I said,
"Without my glasses you still look pretty good too."
I don't know why she didn't think that was funny.ReagierenAntworten - THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserSep 19, 2012I knew I had a career as a conman when I actually made my wife feel sorry for the girl who lost her panties and bra in my car.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserSep 20, 2012My ex told me I should be more affectionate. So I brought home my girlfriend.ReagierenAntworten
- THthomasstierneyUrsprünglicher VerfasserSep 22, 2012One Saturday night I said. "Let's go out on the town tonight and have some fun."
My Wife replied, "Good idea, and if you get home before me, I promise, when I do, Ill be real quiet."ReagierenAntworten
