TH
thomasstierneyAutor original
Jun 6, 2012One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
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- THthomasstierneyAutor originalNov 2, 2012I once heard my ex on the phone talking to her mother,
she asked for step-by-step instructions on cooking sweet potatoes.
"I've finally been able to make them sweet," she said, "but how do you make them orange?"ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalNov 3, 2012My ex complained, "The only time you think about a candlelight dinner- is if there is a power failure."ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalNov 4, 2012An extra hour for night people. Day people will waste it sleeping.ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalNov 5, 2012A few years ago, as a solar eclipse approached all the newscasters were warning people not to look directly into the sun.
My ex said that if an eclipse was so dangerous, they never should have decided to hold one and ought to cancel it.ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalNov 6, 2012One night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard me ex say, "What would you like for dinner, love? Chicken, beef or lamb?"
I said, "A big juicy steak would be great." She yelled back, "I was talking to the cat."
"You're getting mac and cheese."ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalNov 8, 2012My ex came home unexpectedly one day and caught me in bed with a beautiful lady midget.
She screamed, "You promised you would never cheat on me again."
I explained, "Hey, Im taperin' off here."ReaccionarResponder - MA
Nov 9, 2012My girlfriend said " I feel like a used woman" so I gave her my wife.ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalNov 11, 2012Forty-six percent of women surveyed answered
"Yes," when asked if they ever faked an orgasm.
Actually they said, "Yes, yes! Oh God, yes!"ReaccionarResponder - MANov 11, 2012I asked my friend if he had any photos of his wife, naked. He said no, so I said "would like to buy some"ReaccionarResponder
- MANov 11, 2012
[img src="http://www.mrtees.com/images/will-sell-wife-for-beer-main-logo.gif">
ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalNov 11, 2012Don't need a wife. Had one didn't like it.ReaccionarResponder
- MANov 11, 2012
[img src="http://cdnimg.visualizeus.com/thumbs/08/54/quotes,divorce,marriage-08543555444828374a70970a445400d6_h.jpg">
ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalNov 12, 2012My ex kept hinting she wanted something with diamonds in it for her birthday, so I bought her a deck of cards.ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalNov 13, 2012When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.ReaccionarResponder
- WO
Nov 13, 2012A man was sunbathing in the buff at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private parts.
A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."
He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself".
Un hombre estaba tomando el sol en la Pula en la playa. Por el bien de civilidad y de conseguir quemada por el sol, tenÃa un sombrero sobre sus partes privadas.Una mujer camina pasado y dice, trabaja, "Si fueras un caballero levantarÃa su sombrero".Levantó una ceja y respondió: "Si usted no fuera tan fea se elevarÃa".ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalNov 14, 2012I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without their motives being questioned.ReaccionarResponder
- MANov 14, 2012[quote]I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without their motives being questioned.
[/quote][img src="http://randomshortjokes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/chicken-crossing-the-road-pun.jpg">ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalNov 16, 2012I bought a self-help tape called, "How to Handle Disappointment."
It turned out to be a blank tape.ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalNov 16, 2012Hostess says that if they keep shipping inventory at the current level, they will run out of product around December 21, 2012..... So, THAT'S what the Mayans were talking about.
~ Robert "Bob" RockenbachReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalNov 18, 2012The mayor and his wife were riding in the local town parade when the mayor spotted the ex boyfriend of his wife. A local gas station owner.
He leaned in and said to his wife, "see if you had married him you would be working in a gas station."
His wife answered back, "No, if I had married him he would be the mayor..."ReaccionarResponder - THthomasstierneyAutor originalNov 20, 2012I just realized that in dog years I'm already dead.ReaccionarResponder
- THthomasstierneyAutor originalNov 22, 2012My ex and I agreed to have an open relationship. I could sleep with anyone I wanted.
She just wouldn't speak to me or sleep with me anymore.ReaccionarResponder - MANov 22, 2012I was making love to the local barmaid last night. My wife was annoyed, because she said the noise was keeping her awake.ReaccionarResponder