Does BI/Gay have a look?
I am a man married to a woman with our picture in our profile. However, I have been approached in person and in the chat here by men assuming I was bi or gay. Is there a look that would lead them to that conclusion? If so, do I have that look? Let me know your thoughts here, or in private.
Chris
By the couple of pictures I see, I cant see that they would pick up that you would be gay. However, the gay friends that I have will tell you that they poses gaydar. Somehow they think they know. Not to worry though, at least on this site, there are several fakes that are just advertising a web site. I dont think there is even a conscious thought behind them.
I am a man married to a woman with our picture in our profile. However, I have been approached in person and in the chat here by men assuming I was bi or gay. Is there a look that would lead them to that conclusion? If so, do I have that look? Let me know your thoughts here, or in private.Chris
Ill go ahead and say that yes sometimes gay guys have a look. It can be referred to as gay face or sometimes you just look at a guy and can tell he might be gay. Thats kind of an inside thing that we share amongst friends often times to be funny or catty or sometimes just playing because theres a cute guy we wish were gay.
In any case, it doesnt matter either way. If someone asks you if youre gay you can answer however you like. Maybe ask them the same thing back. It may be that they are interested in you or they might just be looking for another gay person to befriend.
You've said people approach you with that in person, too, so your profile description can't account for it. I have fairly weak "gaydar", but it's functional and you don't set it off :) Not just with your photo, anyway. But it has a lot to do with movement, expression, etc, too.
A seriously limiting factor in men's lives is the constant patrolling for gender conformity. We all grew up with it. Look "gay" and you are mocked and bullied. And it can be the silliest things. When I was a younger, you'd be mocked for holding a woman's purse, even if it was just because she needed both hands for a moment. Or carrying an umbrella. Or (this was grade school) wearing green pants on Thursday. But more profound things were out of line, too. Such as doing really well in school. Or acting like you care about someone. Or being too attentive to your appearance except in fulfillment of a masculine role such as business dress or a uniform. Or moving in a way that expresses joy rather than power.
I'll confess that my gaydar, even now, goes off around a guy who violates those old rules. And often as not, it turns out he's just a genuinely nice straight guy who doesn't feel bound by the role constraints the school and cultural bullies try to enforce, and is living his authentic life.
My gaydar goes off, more reliably, when I detect a certain reserve in a man who, a bit too consciously, is performing masculinity.
Any discussion about whether something "looks gay" risks triggering this sort of dynamic. Really, I wouldn't worry about it.
As mention in other post, since you do state in your profile that you are Bi, then I don't understand why you are asking why guys approach you on this site. Now in reference to been told in person, guessing at places where one is nude such as gym locker rooms or nude resorts, as you don't state where, that can be from anything of them taking a chance and/or you did something or said something they 'feel' is bi or gay but they also have to be looking for bi or gay men they like to know better. That is key, they have to feel they want to know you better and are looking for the sexual aspect in a friendship/relationship. Additionally, they had to feel enough trust that you would be open and comfortable with their approach not be offended. Having gay and bi male friends I've learned that depending on where they are sexuality in their lives will determine where they are looking or not. I've taken to think that nearly all men have some 'bi' in them from the casual look at another guy to full male interest and it is not always the same in their day. Factors of needs and wants and how they are satisfied will effect how they react to been put in a nude situation, either co-ed or all male nude situation. As one response stated about gaydar, that comes from experience of learning what men do to show interest, some of it comes from just feeling it but it also comes from knowing yourself and the knowledge of observing the verbal signals to the none verbal signals. Just like you, you have your likes and dislikes with females, that is why you choose your wife, the same can be said about men. If you let your emotions get the better of you, then sometimes not just the physical aspects of a guy interest you but also their personality. Our likes and dislikes of other individuals is not just straight cut and dry response, it is much more 'complicated' due to the emotions we all have. It comes down to how you feel and how they feel at that moment. It is clearly something you need to be aware of and if it happens just go with it and afterwards evaluate what did happen. You may start getting yourself knowledgeable to what you did that caused them to want to approach you thinking you are bi or gay, but clearly stating you are bi in your profile, you should not be wondering why guys approach you on this site.
Hi Chris,
As a gay guy I can state that its not always a certain look you have, but the way you behave.
Usually there is something that you might do that gives off the impression you might be bisexual. It could be a smile, a few side eye looks, or youve been witnessed checking out another guy.
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